Missing the Shot

The Power of Stepping Up

“If you are not willing to fail, you will never succeed.” - Shishin Roshi

This blunt statement came from my Zen teacher, who was talking about both work and relationships. He was recently on a panel discussion that brought together committed partners who shared their work ventures. He runs his Center together with his life partner, and has been through the challenges of marrying his deep purpose with another, and bringing that forth in the world.

His experience was that to truly succeed, you have to be all-in. Everything must be “on the table.” You cannot rest on an idea that your current reality is going to be around forever. This applies to relationships as well as work.

We all know that “til death do us part” is not an authentic marriage vow. That comes from a traditional world view that is long gone for most people. Marriage vows have to be re-affirmed regularly. That means you have to entertain the prospect that the relationship will end.

Our work needs the same sense of immediacy. Most entrepreneurs know this instinctively. Being on the creative edge is part of what drives a person to start a business or service. The fear of failure is a natural part of being an entrepreneur and can be the fuel for achievement.

Those in more traditional or fixed roles, working in a company large or small, can benefit from this perspective. This company can fail. My role can fail or disappear.

Embracing the prospect of failure is essential to bringing forth greatness in your life. If you have embraced this prospect, then failure, if it comes, is not failure.

I experienced this in my own small-ish way a couple of weeks ago, playing in a soccer tournament in Las Vegas. I’ve been on a select team for 15 years, playing tournaments against teams from around the country. We’ve had a lot of success at the tournament, winning championships three years in a row. We’ve won and lost a lot of games.

This month we had a very good team and advanced to the semifinals on Monday morning. The game ended in a tie, and we went to penalty kicks to decide the winner. I offered myself as one of the ten players to take a kick. It’s about the most pressure you can face in soccer.

The two teams matched shots until it came to my spot. The opposing player made theirs and I missed mine. That was it. We were done.

I was crushed. I let my team down. My teammates were all very generous. Many had been in the same spot before.

In the weeks since, I’ve had to deal with the terrible feeling of failure. And as some of you may know, the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat are much magnified in team sports.

I’ll always feel the pang of letting my team down. But there is a takeaway here that is really important, and it relates to what Shishin said this morning, and it is something that Emily, one of my coaching clients, reminded me of the other day (she used to play soccer, so she understood.)

The most important thing is the stepping up.

To retain a connection with that spirit, that thing in me that spoke and said I’d take a kick, to be willing to fail …. that’s the live flame that gives meaning to this path of life.

At the end of the day, as the expression goes, it’s the stepping up that matters most. Failure feels terrible, and letting down the company, family, tribe or team can be excruciating. But usually the ups and downs are ephemeral and not intrinsically meaningful in themselves.

It’s the quickening of the soul when you step up to a great effort that raises hearts and minds.