Missing Gratitude

I recently read an excellent article about gratitude. The author talked of landing an "ideal" job. The compensation was more than he had ever imagined he would make. The skill set was well within his wheelhouse, and he felt the value he brought to the company made him a valuable commodity.

He practiced gratitude every day that the Universe had brought him to the right place, and rewarded him more than he thought he would ever be compensated. It was all great...until it wasn't.

He discovered at some point that he was bored to tears with his job. He wasn't aligned with the vision of management, and the direction and decisions the company made left him confused and dispirited. He realized his gratitude was misplaced, or worse...false.

My personal relationship is more ambiguous. Maybe even more insidious. Mine was missing in action for thirty years of my career as a business owner of a growing company.

I was the rainmaker. The Chief Officer of growing my company and getting deals done.

I was relentless. I was consumed. I was singly focused. And I was damn good at what I did.

Is there a problem here? Not really. I set my goals, and I met them. Surpassed them, mostly. Declared and fulfilled. Over and over again. It was exciting. It was fun. But in reflection, it had elements of being unfulfilling.

I never showed or felt gratitude. I would close one huge deal, and immediately set sail for the next one. I didn't celebrate. On my own, or with others on the team, who supported me again and again. I just moved on, looking for that next hit of adrenaline. There was a soulless, Byronic quality to it all. I was a junkie. It was healthier than filling my veins, and more accepted in our culture, but it was smack.

This is a gap I see with really successful entrepreneurs. That missing piece. The piece that completes us as humans. As real, complete people. To take the time to thank ourselves, to acknowledge our teams, to get off the merry go round. To complete the success.

Like any addict, my story has elements of acceptance, of forgiveness, and of completion. but there is also a longing. A longing that would make my memories different.



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