The Missing Characteristic Of Leadership

As many of you have, I’ve attended and taught in many leadership courses, programs, and conferences. I’ve always said, “That never has so much been written by many about so little.” In problem-solving classes, many models are given, and the same is true for characteristics listed about what makes a good or poor leader.

If one looked at all the characteristics listed, one would need clarification on which list is the best or most accurate, if such a thing exists. Also, ask anyone their definition of leadership, and you'll get different answers from everyone. I saw that in problem-solving classes, there were models with steps, such as the five--, six--, or seven-step models. Which steps are needed? Or is this just product differentiation for selling courses?

Leadership training or courses are like that. They all really say the same thing; it’s just that the information is presented in different ways to say the same thing. Most are so broad that they touch on little snippets of information rather than focus on one or two common leadership issues in depth.

Dr. Travis Yates, author of The Courageous Police Leader: a Survival Guide For Combating Cowards, Chaos & Lies, is the closest I’ve seen focusing on specific leadership traits. In his book title, he mentioned one characteristic never discussed in any leadership program or training—the leadership trait of lying.

If you follow any political stories today, isn’t it amazing how lies are thrown out so frequently that it has come down to who tells the most lies? One person tells 50 lies in an interview while the other candidate says he or she is more honest because he or she only told half as many lies, so he or she is accepted as the honest person. Are you kidding me? It used to be the quality of a lie, and now it’s based upon quantity.

In recent interviews and statements, one person lied about their background and said I misspoke when called on it. Misspoke is akin to lying. Let’s look at some lie-speak used by leaders at all levels to explain their lies.? My favorites are misinformation, distortions, scams, misspoke, mislabeled, untruths, embellish, and the newest political term, gaslighting.? Incidentally, this is not a new term; it has existed for over forty years. Many more terms are used to say that someone is lying, but I needed to limit this article.

I know many of you might resent that I painted leadership in general with a broad brush. My justification is this: no matter what level of leadership you seek from a school board member to the president of this country, you have lied at some point to get where you are and what you want. Now I know that maybe it was, as our parents told us, just a “white” lie, or you felt that the need to tell the truth would produce results worse than the lie itself. No matter, it’s still a lie, regardless of the motivation. I’m convinced that lying has become part and parcel of leadership at all levels. To thrive or survive in any political environment, you must develop your Lie-Ability. I know that almost all leaders, in some fashion, raise their right hand and lay their other hand on a book of some sort and tell the Trifecta of all lies; I swear to tell the truth (1) the whole truth (2) and nothing but the truth, so help me God(3),? I know this Trifecta is used in our criminal justice system as well. I suspect much reckoning will occur one day related to this oath.

The sad fact about this characteristic is that it is so widely accepted that the truth is now considered a weakness outside the norm. Even when the facts are so obvious that the leaders are lying, people follow it because it is the norm. I'm just asking this question. Are there times when it is the right thing to do to deceive others? Of course, there are. In my tactical classes, I use the Sun Tzu maxim that all warfare is based upon deception. Make your opponent think you are close when you are far, let him think you are far when you are close, and so forth. Camouflage uniforms are a deception used to deceive the opponent about your location. Negotiations are always based upon lies, or there are no negotiations. So yes, there are times when lying is the accepted technique for victory.

The underlying theme is that as leaders, you will lie, and it may be for what you determine to be an honorable act. That’s up to you. I think that any lie or any of its synonyms is still a lie, and you should accept that responsibility. I understand we are human and will make mistakes, including untruths about some incident or person, etc. I think realizing that it was not quite true by admitting to yourself is a start.

Now, some of you are probably asking, have I ever lied? Of course, I have. I remember as a young kid having to write a thousand times, I Must Not Lie. This was the punishment my parents inflicted when I got caught lying. I realized as I got older that I had lied thousands of times as I had to write this out many, many times. Telling the truth is extremely difficult in this environment of social media; telling the truth is near impossible for leaders as it may often cost them a price they are not willing to pay; my idea is that this is a short-term price which will be easier to pay now rather than later.

I think the short—and long-term effect of this lying culture is the loss of trust in our leaders at all levels. It is hard to lead without trust, and the loss of it is almost impossible to regain again. I guess that is why most people are to the point where whoever lies the least is the better, more honest leader.

I love 60s music and was listening to some the other day when a song by The Knickerbockers (1965) came on. Title “Lies”.? There are several verses, and the music is outstanding. The word-to-one verse went like this:

??????????? You think that you’re such a smart girl

??????????? And I’ll believe what you say

??????????? But who do you think you are, girl, to lead me on this way

??????????????????????? Lies, Lies, I can’t believe a word you say

??????????????????????? Lies, Lies

??????????????????????? Are gonna make you sad someday

??????????????????????? Someday, you’re gonna be lonely

??????????????????????? But you won’t find me around

??????????????????????? Lies, Lies

??????????????????????? You’re breaking my heart

Now, this song is about a lover’s breakup, but it easily translates to any leader who lies: the loss of trust, fellowship, separation from others, and the results of the lies. As a leader, do your best to tell it like it is, even if it’s not in your best interest. You’ll feel better, and your people will respect you for it. Remember, the greatest lies are the ones we tell ourselves. Stay safe.

#leadership #police #politics #ethics

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