Misplaced Sympathy, Empathy

"I feel your pain." "I have been in your shoes."

Two of the most dreadful statements one can make to those in distress.

Often, they are wrongly spoken. It is really hard to make another person find some peace by trying to associate with them. People are not alike. Neither are their circumstances or nurturing environments.

May be for really grievous issues where the pain can only be felt by those who have been through it, like loss of a child, I can understand the association of "being in same dark places as someone else's."

"Why can't they get there act together?"

The other serious issue with trying to be nice to those suffering, is passing a judgment on them while dousing them with pitiful and arrogant sympathy, often leaving them a lot worse. Especially, when in the sheepskin of sympathy, eager lessons in life come as wolves.

"So how can I help?"

This is the grand daddy of all the rub in helping. Offering to help when the intention is really not there. Or is not feasible. Or is too expensive. Or is too onerous.

Worst is when help is asked for but never comes about, floating on the debris of lame excuses in the seas of collapsing human relationships.

I am not trying to be mean here. Being able to relate is one of our greatest hallmarks as human beings. But I also believe that we are often too self-absorbed to be able to offer genuine sympathy or empathy.

So many chances of growth are wasted. More relations form and thrive in thorny foliage of pain than the sweet smelling and beautiful gardens of gain.

What is one to do? I am not sure if I know right and I don't want to sound imprecise.

Perhaps the readers of this post will advise the right thing.