Misplaced Prioritisation of Success As a Woman

Societal focus on marital status can overshadow a woman's personal and professional accomplishments. Women who excel in their careers, contribute to their communities, or achieve personal milestones often find their success minimised if, unmarried. For instance, an accomplished scientist, entrepreneur, or lawyer might still face questions about her marital status or hear comments implying that her life is incomplete without a spouse.

Unfortunately, I was unable to escape the same fate when I was doing damn well in life - working towards something that I always dreamed of - a career that is truly mine. By the time I turned 35, the noise around me got louder and I was questioning my worth, occasionally, and of course with Covid restrictions in the way; what was used to be a good alone time became the nascence of "loneliness".

I made up my mind at the end of 36, that I would not let society be the disposer of my wonderful existence and I began the plan of having my own family - ALONE. I was vocal about becoming a single parent which again was not well received by my family. *(my friends are absolutely supportive of the idea tho). I told myself to give myself a year to prepare and be financially stable. I did just that for a year and a half. Just working hard and preparing for a small family life.

But I did not know that there were plans concocted by the Universe which turned out to be a quick and surprising ending to everyone. I got married. Just like that, and believe me, it was anti-climatic to all who had known me. No drama, no fairy-tale engagement, and no great spectacle of my love life on social media. But how could there be drama, when I only dated him for 2 1/2 months and I accepted his proposal one night and 2 1/2 months later - we were legally married. (If I were to be real honest, this is one hell of a magnum opus love story - one which I will have the honour to tell at my wedding reception)

So congratulatory notes and well wishes started pouring in the last few months and as much as I know that everyone meant well, I can't seem to notice some shift of opinions and pre-meditative crystal ball opinions.

Statement as follows have been said without prejudice, I supposed:

"So when does your 98-day (maternity) leave start?"

"I guess you are rushing to marry because of your age."

"You wouldn't be able to focus much on your career after this"

"You have no idea how much time marriage will take out of your life"

"You are not your parents' problem anymore"

"I am glad you found someone and not be single anymore"

"Career comes second after this - you will be too busy with family life"

Sigh. The list is longer but it breaks my spirit to write down the rest.

Why would there be a pre-conception that I will throw away my entire career - the ONE SINGLE THING I made of my own over a new interest in life? The absurdity level is akin to someone saying "Oh I see that you have a new stamp-collecting hobby; I guess you will not be eating anymore." (Chuckled! But you get it right?)

But in the back of my mind, I began wondering if a man be subjected to the same questionnaires. Would anyone, say the same to a career-minded man? So I turned to my partner and asked if he had gotten any, and lo and behold, he said "No."

The narrative of a woman's life success is often disproportionately tied to her marital status rather than her personal or professional accomplishments. This cultural phenomenon has deep historical roots and continues to influence contemporary perceptions of women's success, sometimes overshadowing their actual achievements. Of course, historically, marriage was a central social institution that dictated a woman's role and status. In many cultures, a woman's primary identity and value were derived from her roles as a wife and mother. This was often due to economic dependencies, social structures, and legal systems that limited women's opportunities outside the domestic sphere. Consequently, marriage was seen as the ultimate goal and a marker of stability and respectability for women.

But it is 2024 with liquid gender acceptance and cars that fly; why is it that women still stand in the same spatial expectation as their ancestors? Someone in the audience may say "Rachel, you are overthinking it?" _Trust me, I am in a profession that provides employment advisory to Companies - I have my fair share of experience relating to refusal to hire and forceful or constructive termination of pregnant women in the workforce. My belief system is not made up by my insecurities, it is real exploitation. It is true that when a woman decides to prioritise family out of love or social pressure, their career is likely to take the toll.

Such examples are detrimental, creating undue pressure on women to conform to traditional roles and potentially discouraging them from pursuing their passions and careers to the fullest. Some women choose to remain single or childfree, or who prioritise their careers, faces criticism or pity, rather than recognition for their achievements.

This final article of the Cat Is Out of The Bag series wishes to bring a testament to the power of redefining success. I hope in a small way, I have paved the way for others to think the same. My story rants continuously that success lies in living authentically and passionately, regardless of traditional or historical commentary.

Looking back, I am proud of the path I chose. It wasn't always easy, but it was incredibly rewarding. I don't think I give myself enough credit for putting myself where I am today. I have learned that success comes in many forms and that it's important to celebrate each individual's journey. I hope that more women will feel empowered to define their success and pursue their passions without the weight of societal expectations.

Together, we can create a world where every woman's achievements are recognised and celebrated for what they truly are—remarkable and worthy of admiration; and definitely, not by the size of the ring on their finger.

(Peace out millennial style)