The Misfortunes of Life

In the past 3 weeks, I have had to deal with being notified by either phone, a message or a zoom call that two of my military brothers chose to take their own lives. I want to preface this post by saying that this is not about me in anyway and I am not looking for empathy or sympathy or help in any facet. I know who I am and I have an immense support structure that I can talk to and I will be okay as I have always been with dealing with situations such as these.

This post is meant to bring a bit of insight to anyone who sees it not only about the military lifestyle, but to the realities of life.

Being a human being in a general sense is quite the challenge, especially in such an evolved age that we live in and the obstacles that arise from time to time. Each and every person on earth deals with those obstacles in different ways and I have found that no one grieves or mourns in the same fashion as anothe person. Perhaps on the outside they will look similar, but on the inside there is an intense cocktail of emotions and thoughts. So it is important to check in with one another from time to time to make sure that we are doing our part to support one another through these times.

I had the privilege to get to know my two military brothers on a personal level and I would like to describe them for a bit before moving on, but I feel it necessary not to name them for the sake of respecting their families and friends along their mourning journies.

My first brother was one of my own Marines. He was kind hearted, caring, hardworkin and quite respectful. In a personal sense he had great humor, he cared for those around him and he was always there for anyone who needed him. It was truly an honor to get to know him for the time I was able to and I am never going to forget the converations we had nor the time he gave me to not only help him in what he was trying to accomplish, but in honing my own leadership style. He will be missed by so many people and our lives are never going to be the same.

My second brother I had only known for about 10 weeks. He was in the Army and recently was honorably discharged after serving his four years. I would describe him as a hardworking, friendly, easy to talk to guy who wanted to make a better life for himself. The two of us had several interactions that were quite pleasant and I talked to him about some of my own struggles in which he was supportive and lent me his ear to bend as I did. He has so many people that will miss him and it comes as quite the shock that it came down to such a tragic event. I can only hope that those of us that knew him can honor his service and remember what he stood for in the time to come.

Dealing with such tragic events like these can always cause a person to question their own actions and the way they interacted with those that are lost because it gives us a sharp wake-up call into how we perceive those around us. Some of us ask the one question that will never be answered, "Why?". We need to realize, even though it will be tough to do so, that we will never get an answer because that answer lived in the mind of those that we lost. So in focusing on that question we can drive ourselves in to a hole in the ground that can be hard to climb out of. So I ask each and every person that knew these two fine gentleman, do not dwell on the cause of their actions, but in turn remember the precious time you were able to spend with them. Rememeber who they were and what they stood for because that memory will live on through you and every person that knew them.

Being in the military has taught me several things in life and I feel that every person on earth can possibly relate to them because the only difference I have found between how civilians deal with these challenges and how the military handles these challenges is that we military members choose to put these obstacles on our back and carry them for longer than we should and we reflect inward to try to consume some of the heartache that they bring. This can lead to a person feeling isolated or alone. Which can lead them to dark thoughts of escaping that feeling and coming to a realization that, in their mind, the only way to handle these feelings is to end them the only way they know will truly work. Now that isn't to say that the civilian world is any different, but I have realized that in that world there is a lot more out reach when it comes to getting help and dealing with these issues. There are people out there that are willing to go through hell and highwater to help those that are in need of it so they don't get dragged down to this horrid situation.

I say all of that to say this. Life itself can be an immense undertaking when you are trying to be successful, fit in to society, have a family, make your family proud and the numerous other challenges we are faced with of which we put some of them onto our own backs to carry through time. So when you look at your life in a deep sense, think through the immense challenges you have faced and overcome. Think of all the obstacles that were in your way when you were trying to accomplish what you have accomplished. After you think of all of that, put someone you know in those shoes.

Now I am not saying that they have gone through or will go through the same challenges that you go through, but it can be a good way to realize that everyone on earth is dealing with so many challenges and some of those people have a hard time dealing with it all at once. So the next time you see someone you care about, check in with them. See if they are okay. Ask about their day or about something they have been doing. What you will realize is that you are not alone in the struggles of life and those around you might feel the same way you do.

I would like to close by saying that it was a great honor to have known the both of these men, of which I have called my brothers. I know the feelings that I have are mere pebbles compared to the rivers of emotions that their families and close friends are feeling. I just hope, that we can remember the two of them not for their recent actions, but for the memories we made with them and to honor their sacrifices they made along the way.