Misery is optional.

Suffering is expected, but misery is optional. (Or so it is claimed). For some people, life can be running along swiftly and suddenly something or someone comes along that threatens one of your life pillars. For others, running along life and accumulating "wrongs" eventually fills the mind and soul with suffering.

Unpacking it all and actually dealing with trauma is, similarly to suffering, a deeply personal journey. Some people face it head on as soon as possible, needing to resolve the discomfort and get back to focusing on life. That has its difficulties as closure is never guaranteed and vocal stimming can cause further damage if the suffering is relationship based. Other people, never recover and it forever changes the way they interpret and interact with the world. I've seen both, I've worked with more than these two types of healing as a Social Worker, as a counselor, as a Reki Master and medium. The saddest type of suffering was brought to mind when I saw a post on LinkedIn.

You see, over the seasons of my life I have made volunteer work a part of who I am and in one such season I volunteered with the elderly (around 5 years) at the "Run 'n Bietjie"home in Edenvale, Johannesburg. It was here that I saw the fruit of unresolved trauma turned to bitterness, and bearing fruit that one should not have to eat in the twilight years. I saw families broken and fighting over inheritances, vendettas that had never been released in past friendships, and the deeply carved scowls on the face and aggression in the body and words, in some elderly. Not related to dementia or illness, (as can be the case) but from learned, constant "fight or flight" and unresolved trauma.

Because, sometimes not coping becomes the "way" we cope. And it is a dangerous seed bearing bitter, sad fruit. It can lie dormant for years as we push it down and away from our uppermost thoughts.

Facing the "demons" within is the hardest and often the most painful work, regardless of where those demons came from or when or how, but it must be done if we wish to walk (or stumble) ourselves back into the light.

So today, as I go about my day, I am mindful that I do not know what the other person has experienced, and I tread softly in the garden of their lives. In my own, I will continue to weed, continue to break painful ground trying to plant better seeds for my old age, because having reached the age of 50 that dawn has just begun to rise.