misery doesn't love company
Misery is a harsh word. I'm not MISERABLE. Not today. But I have been. A lot lately.
Being a working mom of two, coming back from maternity leave before I'm ready, and trying to navigate postpartum depression and anxiety has all but done me in. There are days when, after I put my kids to sleep, I can't peel myself off the couch. Even brushing my teeth and changing my clothes feels like too much. There are mornings I can't bear how much is ahead of me. I want to have one - just one - day in my life - where I have nothing to do.
When someone's late to a meeting, I secretly hope they don't show up so I can have 30 minutes to myself. When I drop off an invite, I sigh with relief. When my friends, whom I LOVE, call me for a catch-up, I freeze.
I get it. I share a lot of "negative" feelings. I'm frequently encouraged to post about *THE GOOD STUFF!* by my loved ones. Life is also amazing right now. I am living a version of life so close to what I always dreamed of. A humble and cozy city home, two healthy, smiley, soul-filling children, a deeply supportive and loving spouse, a dog that likes to cuddle, a job that I truly enjoy, and lots of writing.
But again, most of that writing is... less than positive. And it's not because I want all my friends, peers, and colleagues to be in the shitter with me (excuse my language). Not at all. It's because so many of us feel similarly, and historically, very few have opened up about it.
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Our world is rife with toxic positivity (especially in parenting). We've all seen the idyllic pictures of a woman breastfeeding in a sundress on the beach, but we haven't necessarily seen the ones of her trying to breastfeed off camera while still participating in a meeting. We see all the amazing newborn shoots, but we rarely see the simultaneously deflated and bloated belly the baby is pressed up against. And we all see parents going back to work and posting pictures with their babies, but we don't see them getting back online at 9p after two hours of wrestling their children through bathtime and sleep, only to wake up and rock them to sleep again a few hours later. We notice and applause the overachievers, without realizing they work so hard because they don't know how to cope with the death of a loved one.
So if my posts read overly negative, I'm sorry. I don't mean to be a downer. But I do want to be a realist. I want to acknowledge people's struggles. I want everyone to know that all of us are miserable sometimes. Hardship is as much a part of life as joy is. And that's okay!
Love,
A
Culture Expert ? Award-Winning Author, “Cultural Intelligence for Marketers” ? Brand Strategy ? Consumer Insights ? Cultural Semiotics ? Inclusive Innovation ? Activism & Social Change Freethinker. Unbought & unafraid.
1 年Ambika, your posts read as beautifully human to me. I grew up hearing the mantra taught to me in Russian that roughly translates as "want to, don't want to, but (you) must" [хочешь, не хочешь, а надо]. The implication was that you were not to express disappointment, sadness, or even dare to acknowledge your dislike for something (especially, work and your duties). You had to suck it up, put a smile on your face, and pretend to be "just fine." I still do it every day. Last night, I had a good sob while journaling about all the anger I carry and hide in plain sight, before falling asleep and promptly waking up to show up for my day. I'm "just fine, thank you for asking!" *insert a smile* I know all too well that 'emotional' women are seen as weak - whether we're crying or rightfully raging at all the weight we carry. Because we're taught we "must." Because capitalist logic values productivity and speed (coded masculine) over empathy and softness (coded feminine). It feels "wrong" to even write this publicly, but I will because I do appreciate your effort, as a senior leader, to model what it means to be beautifully human, and real, to me. Thank you.
Sr. Health Education Consultant at Capital Blue Cross
1 年All.of.this!!!!
Inspirer | Agent of Change | Innovator | Technology Whisperer | Board Member #digitaltransformation
1 年This is not about negative vs. positive, it's about reality and stopping the sweeping things under the rug to "power through". You hit many nails on the head with this one. As a matter of fact, your story is my story.
Fulbright Scholar | LinkedIn Top Voice | Independent writer, research strategist, educator, consultant & facilitator | Large projects leader | Higher Degrees by Research expert |
1 年I am right there with you, my friend. Thank you for your honesty. You are helping to highlight the real issues professional mothers face xx
Brand Director
1 年Thank you as always for making so many of us feel seen and understood!