Miserable At Work? It May Pay Off

I just finished a really interesting book about Jewish gangsters in the United States. The title???

“But They Were Good To Their Mothers.”? Seriously.

I honestly thought it was about gangster’s relationships with their mothers but the book mostly covered bootlegging, crimes, and prison sentences.? I read it out loud to my ten year old son who is obsessed with war and gangsters and conflict in general.? (You can question my parenting later).

He made a telling observation after I finished the last page.? We were talking about how it took (and still takes) generations for many immigrant families to feel established, safe, and financially stable in the United States.?

“You know, mommy.? Maybe the gangsters just wanted a short cut?”??

He explained that gangster’s choices weren’t motivated by a desire for a deviant life (although I know for a fact many of those profiled loved violence and drama). He pointed out that they made a conscious choice to skip to the good parts.

I mean who doesn’t want to skip to the good parts? No one wants to see a crowded closet on TikTok…we really want to see the final, exquisitely organized product.? What my son discerned in a few minutes has taken me a lifetime to figure out.? How do I do what I *really* want to do? How do I skip to the good parts?

First, I had to figure out what I hated.

When we kick off our careers, there is undoubtedly a period of intense discovery and sometimes that discovery period is negative, demoralizing, and super frustrating. ? My first job after college was working for the U.S. Department of Justice in Washington, D.C. and while I loved meeting people and hearing about their lives, I was pretty lukewarm on learning about the law.? Talk about a red flag that ended my dreams of law school. When I went into grad school to get my PhD in History, I loved reading and learning about moments in history but I didn’t connect with academic texts and the subsequent historical analysis that went along with it.??

Seeing a pattern? My therapist sure did.??

When I took an audio documentary course, something happened; I finally realized the pattern myself.? Audio storytelling was *only* about telling and listening to stories.? I was so relieved I finally liked something but truly, how the hell did it take me so long to figure this out? (By the way, this did not mean I started working in a dream job in audio–that’s for another day).?

An outside producer was recently telling me about how much she hated her job.? The people.? The content. The management.? The pay.? She felt she was wasting away.? I probably surprised her with my response.??

“Wow. It is really great to realize that you are so miserable.”??

She looked at me on zoom and didn’t say much.? I clarified:?

“Ok, it’s not awesome to be miserable but it’s awesome to realize what doesn’t make you happy.”??

Ultimately, figuring out why you are unhappy may be the hardest part.? It takes time, conversation, and reflection; it only works if we actually dissect our misery.? Notice I said “dissect” and not “wallowing.”? When we hate something, it’s crucial that we sit in that sadness in order to figure out why.? It is only then that we begin to chart our path towards the right opportunity.??

Don’t be afraid of the unhappiness itself. Never ignore it either. It may just be the key to finding your next, happy place.