A Miscommunication among Genders add Confrontation toward Harmonious Relationship (P-6/6-A)

All human beings are granted instinct in a given life-span to use it according to set cultural norms or state rules; otherwise they are placed in prison if used like a wild animal in democratic society of right and responsibility. It’s like a driver who is granted to use a car according to company manual or state laws. So, he is bound to act on it. As quoted above, this life is not fun or play, rather human beings are under testing that how they act and will be called to question where the body organ will turn a witness against abuse of the organ beyond set rules.

The award or rank depends on the deeds and not on the gender, as stated in V-4:32,”And wish not for the things in which Allah has made some of you to excel others. For men there is reward for what they have earned, (and likewise) for women there is reward for what they have earned, and ask Allah of His Bounty. Surely, Allah is ever All-Knower of everything.”

If a husband-wife has difficulty to cope with the situation, after the family resolution process, they are provided chances to get separation in an honorable way, as quoted in V-4:35,” If you fear a breach between them twain (the man and his wife), appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from her's; if they both wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation. Indeed Allah is Ever All-Knower, Well-Acquainted with all things.”

The increasing trend of divorces on minute daily life issues in short marital period is a touchy questions for the present day civilized society. People pay less attention to the future consequences during the decision-making process in a marital unit. Therefore, there is a misunderstanding in the eastern culture that women are just a symbol of purity and a sex machine to keep on producing children. Unfortunately, the men’s mind is equally corrupted by the romantic scenes and sexual vulgar data about western nudity on the media. Such propagated messages just over-charge the repressed feelings of the men. So, at times, when such undesirable activities are exposed, suicidal and homicidal actions are increasing under the name of family honor. So, it is the job of teachers, elders and family training members to provide knowledge about human sexual affairs and try to convert this energy into creativity by adapting a moderate line of action to face the challenges of liberal concepts of the social media.

In fact, it depends on the process of personality development, ego problem, moods and cultural values to handle the marital issues. Clinically, those who are brought up by a single parent are made dependent through over-protection like a spoiled only child. After marriage, such spouse uses other people for attention seeking behavior at the maturity level. So, one have to handle such situation carefully till a significant change in their personality impoverishment issues. Unfortunately, while selecting the life-partner in a clan, family, friends and even concerned persons give importance to beauty, sources, caste, status or benefits but forget the worth of inner beauty (personality traits), habits, attitudes and values which remain and are remembered for the deeds of a person. 

As far as male or female status and psychology is concerned, the author has presented on this subject in his book Psychological Foundation of the Quran Vol. II in (Islamic Concepts Regarding Women’s Rights & Integrated Family Unit). Islam has given more tights to women than any other culture with strong restrictions on men to take care of the family unit care in all aspects of life. So, both are treated equal and have rights to strengthen the bond. Both are given the sole right of sex under a bond, so that children and family expenses and needs be met in a life-long contract. Men are guided to stick to one woman for it.                                                 

The women are advised to take care of the family at home in the absence of the outside working partner. The adult children are reminded to care and respect for her service as she is praised for her role in the process of reproduction and given rank for producing and bringing up the children as disciplined citizens. It is guided for a strong family unit that both the partners work as a unit, in V-4:34. ” Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband's absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband's property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.”

As a woman goes through laborious time of delivery and later sacrifices pleasures for the betterment of her children, Allah has blessed her with high status and asked her children to provide her all available sources for her great services. It is repeatedly warned as in V-31:14-15,” And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination. But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do”.                                                       She is asked to pass a dignified role in dressing and interacting at public places as a symbol of decency and honor, avoid intermingling with the opposite sex, keep family privacy, so that the people may respect her presence as a Muslim lady.

Allah is generous in ranking good people by name; the Holy Book has described the examples of great honorable women who followed the moderate righteous direction, kept their purity of character and morality, so the dignity and reward is stated with the example in V-66:11-12,” And Allah has set forth an example for those who believe, the wife of Fir'aun (Pharaoh), when she said: "My Lord! Build for me a home with You in Paradise, and save me from Fir'aun and his work, and save me from the people who are Zalimun (polytheists, wrong-doers and disbelievers in Allah).And Maryam (Mary), the daughter of 'Imran who guarded her chastity; and We breathed into (the sleeve of her shirt or her garment) through Our Ruh (i.e. Jibreel), and she testified to the truth of the Words of her Lord [i.e. believed in the Words of Allah: "Be!" and he was; that is 'Iesa (Jesus) - son of Maryam (Mary); as a Messenger of Allah], and (also believed in) His Scriptures, and she was of the Qanitin (i.e. obedient to Allah).”

As far as property rights, divorce, children and female rights are concerned, it is logically presented to share according to social role while procedure for correction in grievances is also given to adapt a logical method for the evil done by a wife in V-4:33,” And to everyone, We have appointed heirs of that (property) left by parents and relatives. To those also with whom you have made a pledge (brotherhood), give them their due portion (by Wasiya - wills, etc.). Truly, Allah is Ever a Witness over all things. Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband's absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity, their husband's property, etc.). As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful), but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.”

                                                                  Cont……..

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