Miscarriage: Find Each Other Again

Grief has a way of transforming everything around you.

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The things that once felt solid - your daily routine, your relationship - now feel fragile, as if they might crumble under the weight of your sorrow.

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I felt it most in the distance that grew between my partner and me after our losses. It wasn’t sudden, but it was unmistakable. The closeness we once shared was slowly replaced by silence, misunderstandings, arguments, annoyed looks, and unspoken pain.

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And it took one conversation, one moment of raw honesty, to change everything.

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It happened during (another) heated argument.

I was frustrated, angry, and confused. I couldn’t understand why my partner wasn’t grieving the way I thought he should. It felt like he was distant, cold even. I shouted at him with all the resentment, spite, anger that had built up over the months - “what do you care, you haven’t lost anything! For you life just goes on!”

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That’s when he said something that stopped me in my tracks:?

“I lost my children too.”

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Those words, the pain in his voice, and tears in his eyes hit me like a ton of bricks.

Suddenly, everything shifted. The anger I had toward him turned into a deep sorrow and understanding. I had been so consumed by my own grief that I couldn’t see his pain - I think, I may not even wanted to see his pain.

I simply assumed he was ok, even unfazed, but in reality, we were both drowning - just in different ways.

My partner’s simple, heartbreaking words made me realise how deeply I had misunderstood him.

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Loss has a strange way of isolating you from the people closest to you, especially when you’re in a relationship. When we’re grieving, it’s easy to become wrapped up in our own pain, blinding you to the fact that our partner might be experiencing something just as intense - but maybe in a completely different way.

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I had withdrawn into myself, unable to connect, too consumed by my own emotions to see how he was handling the loss in his own quiet way.

And he, in turn, had become withdrawn, unsure of how to support me without feeling rejected or misunderstood.

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But that breakthrough moment - when he reminded me that he, too, was grieving - changed everything. It opened up a conversation we desperately needed.?

We started talking, really talking, for the first time since our loss. We shared our thoughts, our fears, and our pain. I heard him, and for the first time, I felt heard too. I realised that grief, while deeply personal, doesn’t have to be isolating. It can bring you closer to the ones you love - if you let it.

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The core message here is simple and vital: Talk to your partner, and listen.

It can be uncomfortable, even painful, to open up about your deepest feelings, especially when the loss feels too big to put into words.

But communication is the bridge between two people in grief. You may be grieving differently, but that doesn’t mean you’re not grieving together. It’s essential to reach out, to check in, and to share your feelings, even when it feels awkward or vulnerable.

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In moments of deep grief, it’s easy to feel lonely, even when you’re not alone.

Relationships, if looked after, can endure these trials. In fact, they can become stronger, more resilient, and more connected through shared experiences of loss. Don’t shy away from reaching out to your partner, even when it’s hard. Finding each other again, after such a profound loss, is worth every uncomfortable conversation.

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Remember, healing isn’t just an individual journey - it’s one you can take together.

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In the next newsletter I’m going to share how I found my inner peace after all those months of grieving.

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Love,

Anna

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