Mirroring is your leadership secret weapon

The Mirroring Paradox

Back in the day, a friend pointed out that whenever we hit the soccer field, we'd pick up a bit of the players’ energy and drills. It was like I absorbed a bit of their game.

Another example is our speech pattern. Sometimes, when we chat with people who speak ‘differently’ (especially those we admire), our speech pattern mysteriously starts to shift.

In behavioral science, we talk about Mirroring psychology It's like wearing different hats for different occasions.

It's not fake; it's just different parts of you.

Your core principles should remain the same though.

Now, why does it matter?

As product leaders, this mirroring quality comes in handy when interacting with various stakeholders.

We lead without authority remember…

Well, let me break it down

What is it exactly?

Mirroring psychology presents a paradox in communication and product leadership. While adapting to others' behaviors can enhance connection and understanding, it also raises questions about authenticity and maintaining one's identity.

As product leaders, we balance mirroring to build rapport with stakeholders while staying true to our core values and principles. A great book I recommend on this Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection by Charles Duhigg

1- Connect with familiarity

As product leaders, we know how crucial it is to build strong relationships – it's the key to getting things done especially when we lead without authority.

Now, here’s where the mirroring quality kicks in.

Ever notice how meeting someone face-to-face can totally change the dynamic?

It’s because you’re seeing beyond their work persona. You can find common ground with others. Whether it’s a shared hobby or similar life challenges, these connections lay the groundwork for better relationships.

People naturally gravitate towards those who are like them, it’s the concept of similarity attraction.

That’s why fostering diversity in the workplace takes effort. But by finding those points of connection, you can strengthen bonds with your team and customers alike.

And it works!

So, next time you’re connecting with someone, look for those common threads.

2- Beyond the walls

As PMs, we’re pretty good at reading between the lines, right? We always ask ‘5 whys’ and trying to get into people’s heads, even when they don’t spell it out for us.

Now, here’s where the mirroring quality shines. It’s all about seeing things from their perspective. It might take a bit of practice, but trust me, it will come.

So, next time you’re chatting with someone, try to see the world through their eyes.

Ask yourself first and then ask them the following questions:

What do they care about? What’s keeping them up at night?

Understanding their point of view is key – whether it’s a customer or a colleague.

And hey, let’s keep an open mind, okay? You JUST listen.

Even if we don’t agree with them, it’s important to see where they’re coming from.

After all, being closed off to other perspectives only limits our understanding and reinforces our biases.

It’s the second step to better communication and stronger relationships – both inside and outside the company.

3- Speak their language

Let's chat about speaking the language of others – a crucial skill for leaders.

Sure, understanding folks is important, but it’s not enough.

They need to know that we get where they’re coming from. I’ve seen many product people expecting everyone to see things their way. But that rarely works out.

Product management is tricky because we have to make sense to all kinds of people.

To get others on board, we need to ‘speak their language’. It’s about showing them what’s in it for them.

After all, they’re not joining us for our sake – it’s about what they stand to gain. If we talk about their needs from our perspective, it just creates unnecessary friction.

Leading means meeting people where they are, not where we think they should be. Speak their language, and watch how things start to click.

It might not be easy, but it’s the surefire way to get results as a leader and rally larger teams around your vision and strategy.

Let’s get talking – their way.

Remember, even the best need a little help sometimes.

Key Takeaways

Apply the Mirroring framework: Familiarity-Connect-Engage

• Embrace "Mirroring" to adapt to different situations and connect with diverse stakeholders effectively.
• Practice empathy and ask probing questions to uncover their needs and concerns before providing your opinion.
• Speak 'their language' by framing messages that resonate with their needs and objectives.

#productManagement #productleadership #productmanager #ML #LLM #RAG

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Jean-Michel VAN is an avid (slow) runner, a foodie (only dessert), and a tech product leader, helping product teams and product managers accelerate their impact and leadership with tactical frameworks and candid tips - and ultimately helping them build better products.

He shares his journey at Another PM Day, and is a coach at Product School and Product-Led Alliance.

Connect with JM on LinkedIn