Mirror mirror, what's getting in my way?

Did you ever get up to start the day, get where you are going, and in the new light of your car or your destination, you take a look and realize your attire doesn't ACTUALLY look like you thought, or maybe, there is a big stain on your shirt that you didn't see until now? For many of us, our reflections stop there - with a literal mirror that we hold up and realize that it's definitely time for more hair color, or maybe it's that you now like your grays (true story here). This also usually happens for most of us with a figurative mirror - one we use to gauge ourselves and others. We think we're good, we see something about ourselves or others quickly, but we move on. Rarely does the reflection give us pause enough for the light bulb to go on.

I have had a few months of personal upheaval – a sick parent, my husband finding his way with a new career after a startling layoff,?my children starting at new schools, and the day to day or month to month family dilemmas that come with life.?My reserve has been depleted and my resilience has been tested.?I've had one triumphant hour of staring in my literal mirror saying "Yes, you ARE resilient" followed by a day of saying "The universe is out to get me."? I've tried a little more exercise, talking to a friend and my doctor, trying to enjoy my garden, but all of it was pretty much to?no avail.??Until?a very wise new?nurse leader said to me recently, when I asked her, "What's getting in your way" and she responded with?"Me."

I've written before about jumping – about the bravery to step out and create the change that you think is needed. But what if you can't reflect on yourself enough to even know where to change? What if you are so stuck that you can't realize you need to even reflect? And what if the heat of life has crept up on you so much, that you don't realize you are even stuck in the first place??

Sound familiar?

It's?hard to find where to start- to pick yourself up amidst the volatile change of our nursing worlds and really, in any spectrum of your life. When I prodded this nurse leader for insight into what about "her" is getting in her own way, she described that she doesn't know where to start every day, there's too much to learn and do and isn't?sure?that she has the tools that?she needs, and wouldn't really know if she didn't.?

And right there it occurred to me, all you need is what she described- a true and honest reflection of yourself.

How often do you as a nurse leader reflect upon yourself? How often do you hold up that full length mirror and really wipe it clean to see what's getting in your way of complete success - of achieving the outcomes with your teams or in your department that are what you most hope for with patient and staff experience? There are lots of times where that mirror is tucked away in a drawer because we're too busy to take it out and competing priorities seem like just that, that they need to take priority over a full scale self reflection.

For me, I've learned how to uses that mirror as my first defense: what am I contributing or pretending not to see about my role in this?? And I've realized that not only do I need to hold it up to myself as a nurse leader, but I also need to bring it in close (think: eyebrow plucking). This aquired skill, of self-reflection, enables me to get a really solid look at where I need to focus and what I can change, versus what I must admit I can't and then need to overcome.

Every nurse leader with whom you work should have a routine mirror or reflection of their own leadership from time to time. Who brings this to them can vary– it could be something they do on their own, or offered gently and with appreciation by a peer, mentor, coach, or another trusted leader with whom they work and consider a friend. And when they or someone hold that mirror up, they see themselves and yet, must have the courage to ask others what they're not seeing - as real, strong and maybe as raw as that reflection might be.

That may feel uncomfortable, but helping them put that mirror up is so worth it, because they are worth so much. Nurse leaders bring immeasurable value to the teams and patients - and to the bottom line of the organization - they serve.?For all the nurse leaders you work with, they deserve to get that look, with your help.