Mirror Mirror on the Wall

We all know the story of Snow White and the wicked witch chanting "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" But despite what she thinks she sees in the enchanted mirror, the answer she gets is not what she expects nor wants.

Why am I mentioning this? Well, this week I was working with someone on a collaboration. One of those projects that started a long time ago. We were both excited about it. We both put in lots of work to get it off the ground. We both kept telling ourselves how great it was and how great we were and how great it was all going to be. And this will have happened to you also. You've told yourself how great it is and how great you are together and how great it is all going to be.

Until one day.

And on that day the realisation kicks in that despite this great project, which was and is still great, your expectations from it and from each other are no longer aligned. It is possible that your expectations of each other and of the project have never been aligned but you don't realise until much later because you never actually sat down and discussed this in detail. You got carried away with the excitement. You expected the reflection in the mirror to be what you expected, and not what it actually is now telling you. And you both have a different expectation of what the reflection should be.

This is not unusual in any working relationship. We all have our own goals, values, aspirations and hopes. But you can avoid the otherwise inevitable, potential fallout (or fall out) by using ExpectationsMirror before you get too far in.

First, get a copy of the ExpectationsMirror PET (People Engagement Tool) each. Now on your own, separately, complete the two boxes on the left, write down what you want and expect from your collaborator. Capture both the hard and soft expectations. For example, you might expect them to build their skills so they can do some of the heavy lifting. Now pause a while and prepare. Now you need to step into the other person's skin. Get into their mindset and consider what you think they expect from you. Write in the right-hand boxes both the hard and soft.

Now comes the enchanting bit. Having someone facilitate this stage can stop you pretending you are agreeing on points of disagreement. Place your ExpectationsMirrors side-by-side and systematically compare what you have written. First compare what's written in your left-hand boxes with their right-hand boxes. Capture where you agree, any surprises and any conflicts. Then repeat the process comparing your right-hand boxes to their left-hand boxes.

Summarise at the end.

• What are you agreed on?
• What surprises are thrown up?
• And more importantly are there any areas of conflict and if so, what will you do about it?

Now you can avoid that day. You have decided to get things right from the start. You have pre-liminated any misunderstandings that might have shown themselves further down the line.

Together you look into the enchanted mirror and both see the same reflection. And yes, you really are the fairest of them all!

p.s. I've recommended using the ExpectationsMirror to new business partners, entrepreneurs and even young couples thinking about getting hitched!