Mining the Gold From Complaints
Complaints can be one of your most effective tools for improving your practice and your life. It's all in how you listen.
7:45 A.M.Monday morning: Dr. McGrath strolled up the walkway to his practice, pausing for just a moment to take a final breath of the fresh spring air. What a gorgeous spring day, he thought as he opened the side door and was almost run over by his receptionist, Marge, as she flew by him, a Newfoundland dragging her down the hall.
That's strange, Dr. McGrath thought as he closed the door. Why isn't Peter, the kennel hand, doing that? He started towards his office to put on his lab coat and this time bumped squarely into Marge heading back towards the kennel.
"What's going on?" He asked as they untangled. "That no-good-for-nothing kid didn't show up for work this morning, on Monday after a heavy boarding weekend to boot. I can't believe the nerve of some people. There must be 20 clients out front, the phone is ringing off the hook, I slammed my knee against the filing cabinet just now -- all because some little snot nose decides to sleep in late!"
Oh-oh, McGrath thought, as he watched a red-faced Marge scurry down the hall. Was that the same smiling, always a chipper woman that ran his front office so efficiently, always with a cheerful word for the clients.? Something was very wrong here.
10:005 A.M. Marge handed Dr. McGrath the record. "Mrs. Cooper is in room three. She's very upset about her bill and would like to speak with you."
Oh-oh, McGrath thought for the second time this morning as he walked into exam room three. What's wrong now? He tried smiling pleasantly. "Yes, Mrs. Cooper. What can I do for you on this lovely spring day?"
"You can explain to me where you got your license to steal little old ladies blind. This is the most outrageous bill I've ever seen. $5.50 a night to board a teacup poodle? She doesn't eat more than three teaspoons of dog food a day. How could you possibly charge so much?"
Oh boy, McGrath thought. I've really done it this time.
12:45 PM McGrath dragged himself into the kitchen, noticing the dirty soup bowl sitting on the table.
"Where have you been?" His wife, Alicia, asked before he had a chance to close the door. "I waited over half an hour for you to come home. I would think the least you could do was have the courtesy to give me a call if you're going to be late."
McGrath walked over to the kitchen sink for a glass of water. As he stood there, staring out the window, he thought, I bet it rains before the day is out.
People complain -- staff members complain, clients complain, spouses and loved ones complain. It's a fact of life. To be a part of the human race is to complain and to have to listen to complaints. The question isn't how to get people to stop complaining but how are we going to listen to people's complaints. How do we normally listen to complaints?
The automatic way we listen to complaints is that there is something wrong -- something wrong with the person complaining, something wrong with what they are complaining about, or maybe, just maybe something wrong with us for giving them a reason to complain. Whichever it is and it's often all three, there is something wrong when people complain.
When we listen to complaints with this "automatic way of listening" that something is wrong our actions are a reflection of this way of listening. When I was in practice, whenever I heard a staff member complain about something, I would get upset, angry, or offended. My actions were a reaction to that "something was wrong."
I might pull the person into my office to have a "little talk" which usually meant I'd lecture to them about how damaging their complaining was. Or I would get angry with them for making such a fuss and demand that they either shape up or ship out. Whatever my reaction was, it became clear to my staff that it wasn't safe to complain around the boss. It didn't stop the complaining. It simply went underground -- behind my back.
The same was true with my clients and my family. I was very effective at stifling communication. Meanwhile, I couldn't figure out why there was such a turnover of staff, clients and yes -- even loved ones.
CREATIVE LISTENING: SHAPING THE WAY WE LISTEN TO COMPLAINTS
After 12 years of small animal practice, I woke up one morning to realize I wasn't enjoying practice anymore. I was tired of hiring people who started out looking like the perfect staff member only to have them look just like all the others who had come before them. I was tired of working 60+ hours a week and still hear nothing but complaints from my clients about how expensive I was. Not surprisingly, life on the home front wasn't much fun either.
Consider a new possibility -- that within every complaint is a nugget of gold waiting to be unearthed. Our job is to mine the gold and the excavating tool is our listening.
We can train ourselves to listen in new ways. We are not limited to the "automatic way of listening." It starts by catching ourselves, noticing when we are listening for "what's wrong," then creating a new way of listening which is more empowering.
For example, consider McGrath's Monday morning. His automatic listening for Marge was that there was something wrong with her that she would be so upset, something wrong that the kennel boy hadn't shown up and something wrong with him as the boss for not managing his practice better. The normal response to this kind of listening is one of upset and reaction.
What if McGrath was able to catch himself listening in this automatic way. How might he listen differently? One way would be to listen to Marge as a staff member who is committed to the smooth flow of the practice and to the best service to the clients. Why else would she be so upset unless she was committed to the practice and was thwarted in that commitment?
In other words, one way to listen to people's complaints is for what they are committed to that would have them complain.
Take another example, Mrs. Cooper's complaint about her boarding bill being too high. The automatic listening could be Mrs. Cooper is a cheap scrap, the boarding fee really is too high, or the vet is wrong for setting such high fees.
But let's apply some creative listening. What if you listened to what Mrs. Cooper had to say to be contributed to. After all, she's been a long-standing client. Wouldn't she want to make some suggestions when she sees something missing? If we shifted our listening in this way, what might we discover? Perhaps what Mrs. Cooper is trying to say is that in the future she would appreciate knowing in advance what the charges will be so she won't be so startled by the final statement. Perhaps a tour through the hospital so she could see what her $5.50 is buying her would be useful in the future.
Listen long enough to her comments to be contributed to will reveal several nuggets of gold. When you share them with her, you will be startled how appreciative she may become to learn you really were listening to her.
What if you listened to your spouse's complaints as their commitment to partnership. They aren't out to make your life miserable, they just want to be your partner and sometimes it's difficult for them.
CREATIVE LISTENING: PRACTICE IT AND PASS IT ON
Creative listening is a skill, just like spaying a dog. At first, you may be clumsy at it, but with practice, you can mine the nuggets of gold from any conversation, no matter how loud the complaint.
Here are a few suggestions for enrolling your staff into being trained to listen creatively.
1- TRAIN YOURSELF FIRST. Spend a couple of weeks training yourself to listen creatively. Write down at the end of the day each time you caught yourself listening "automatically" then shifted to creative listening. What results did you notice?
Don't be surprised if others start noticing the change. You will be ready for the next step when your staff and/or clients start commenting on the change or when you notice that people around you are freer to communicate their concerns.
2- SHARE YOUR TRAINING WITH YOUR STAFF. After your initial training period, begin to tell your staff members what you've been doing. "Tell one on yourself." Admit to them how you normally listen to complaints and what you've been working on. If they've noticed the difference, they will be more interested in learning from you.
3- MAKE A GAME OF THE TRAINING. Make learning to listen creatively fun. Offer silly prizes for the person who collects the best complaint, or the most complaints, or who improves their listening the most. Have everyone, including yourself, share their nuggets as well as their
Learning to listen creatively can be fun. Complaints can be one of your richest resources for improving your practice and your life. It's all in how you listen.