"Mining the Depths of Creative Memory" Essay and "The Spider and the Butterfly" – Part IV
The Stress Doc examines the purpose and power of reconstructing elusive memory through creative writing. His mission: to speculatively fill in the gaps or “lacunae” between conscious recall (limited) and subterranean, early childhood emotions and events (seemingly unlimited possibilities). The deductive use of later recall seeds emotion, memory, and imagination. Following his essay, the Doc attempts to poetically walk his talk in Part IV of “The Spider and the Butterfly.” What say you?
“Mining the Depths of Creative Memory” Essay and The Spider and the Butterfly: The Dark Side of Devotional Dependency – Part IV; also Parts I-III
For me, Part IV of “The Spider and the Butterfly” presented a fairly unique challenge: reconstructing the dynamics of individual and family life during an early childhood period that for the most part eludes conscious memory. Of course, early memory and its psychological charge is not fixed or static. One controversial arena involves previously unrecalled memories emerging for adults during the course of therapy, or when triggered by an emotional event. Is it “real” or faux memory? Does the memory depict an actual occurrence or more one’s sense of a psychological context? I believe memory is ever-changing based on a variety of factors, including overall present mood/mental state and work-life satisfaction. Drilling down, one’s sense of personal efficacy and social connection and support (or lack thereof) in the present often shapes the emotional hues of memory. (Of course, there are some historical-horrific events many never want to forget – Never Again! – for the sake of individual-communal survival. Yet, numbers of people try to place those same events in perpetual hibernation; some become active deniers.)
The Subjective Nature of Memory
Let me elaborate on memory shaping. If memory is basically subjective, then it becomes like a Thematic Apperception Test: what we recall or perceive, the interpretation we make of the image or event, is dependent on a host of influential – historical-psychological-life in the moment-life in the future – factors. Memory becomes a story we tell ourselves. And like most stories, the story line and the meaning we bestow upon our past experience, is malleable. Even if “the facts” remain, the analysis of those facts, the import we provide or significance we take, is subject to change. We shed light on certain parts of the story, the rest remain in shadows. Sometimes, with increased understanding, the spotlight and actors reverse positions and roles. The fluidity of recall and explanation becomes increasingly evident as we evolve or regress emotionally in the present. And surely, “letting go” and the subsequent reframing of acutely painful or traumatic events and memories, can take considerable “head work, heart work, and homework.”
The Melancholy Memory Desert
Personally, creative writing is proving to be a vital tool for memory-crafting and meaning-making. Allowing my head and heart to quietly drift back into a mostly subconscious time and place, a wistful yet almost mysterious space, evokes a somewhat hazy, melancholy mood. My first ten years is a mostly arid memory desert. As I try to wander through it, some prickly memory-cacti appear, but mostly I feel lost; very little sense of being an evolving, life-shaping actor. In fact, when engaging a fleeting recall of events, aversive flashes far outweigh positive ones. (For example, I’ve written about one such blurred memory: the shame of my father’s unsuccessful and, likely impatient, effort to teach me to ride a bike. Email [email protected] for the poem, “The Silent Wall of Shame.”) From reading I’ve done, early childhood trauma or chronic stress levels can significantly disrupt memory consolidation and recall. In addition to few clear memories, pervasive childhood and teen years angst and escapist numbing, along with difficulty concentrating and studying, resulting in underachievement in public school, all seem to support the findings.
Soulful, Mindful, and Twainful Discovery and Design
Another instructive analogy is depicting creative writing as descending into and exploring, selecting and extracting bits of a memory images from your personal memory mine. As Nobel Prize-sinning writer, Albert Camus, noted: In order to be created, a work of art must first make use of the dark forces of the soul. Sometimes current ideas help shape the subterranean soul search; sometimes evocative memory extractions stimulate a conscious problem to solve or highlight a possible path for mindfully marching or merely meandering or daydreaming. Infusing the present idea or image with emotional memory and imagination also may trigger and/or weave unexpected connections among diverse elements…You just may have discovered a potentially prized gem. As Mark Twain observed: Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. Of course, this newfound ore typically requires intentional play and fine polish before achieving precious – beautiful and insightful – status. Discovery and design, daring and determination…not only a 4-“D” process for artfully transforming emotional lemon into lemonade, but an opportunity to do quiet, reflective grieving and reach greater acceptance. The emotional pain enveloping a memory now placed in a new frame and life affirming-poetic structure provides "higher power" purpose and meaning. The past becomes creative prologue. Finally, might we speculate that the aforementioned 4-"D" process is a way of consciously and holistically integrating (in real time) memory-presence-imagination in myriad facets of being human: perhaps a template for a purpose- and passion-driven life. Hopefully, more to come. Enjoy Part IV. MG
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The Spider and the Butterfly: Not Necessarily Just a Children’s Story
The Dark Side of Devotional Dependency – Part IV; also Parts I-III
Part IV depicts ‘lil b’s upset with Mr. Spider leaving the web in defeat. Also conveyed is his “captive bonding” with the powerful yet emotionally erratic – at times caring, other times frightening or intimidating – Spider Queen. Succumbing to a hyper-dependent and distracting role definitely takes a toll on a young butterfly’s head, heart, soul…and true voice!
A child-like family of origin poetic allegory captures meaningful complex family dynamics through the story of "The Spider and the Butterfly." According to Merriam-Webster, "allegory" is the expression by means of symbolic fictional figures and actions of truths or generalizations about human existence. The work below is a deep examination of early family of origin dynamics captured in a children’s story-like format. More specifically, the poem illustrates one variation on the universal triangle themes of codependence, separation, loss, fear, and the struggle for individuation, for developing your own authentic voice. Mr. and Mrs. Spider and a little butterfly are the principal players. With its interplay of adult themes and children-of-all-ages format, I believe the evolving piece is both fairly compelling and insightful. As always, would love your feedback. Enjoy the epic journey. MG
Part I of “The Spider and the Butterfly” outlines the meeting of our opening two protagonists – Mrs. Spider, head of her domain, and a little boy butterfly attracted to her silky web. Initially wary, lil b quickly succumbs to the Queen’s arms and charms…but at what price?
Part II of this epic poem, captures the wounded Mr. Spider’s story. More than ever, not only does he feel like the subordinate partner, but now he’s being replaced. So, Mr. S begins to plot his “role model/rite of passage” revenge. But what is reality, what fantasy?
Part III captures the “family” showdown caught up in the classic triangle conflict: the Queen and Mr. Spider and the little boy butterfly. Who has the power? Who will be passive? Who will prevail? Who will part ways? Who will plot revenge?
Links to Part I-III:
https://www-stressdoc-com.blogspot.com/2017/08/from-post-traumatic-stress-to-post.html
ttps://www.dhirubhai.net/pulse/from-post-traumatic-stress-growth-transforming-adversity-mark-gorkin?published=t
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Parts I-IV
The Spider and the Butterfly: Not Necessarily Just a Children’s Story
The Dark Side of Devotional Dependency – Part I
The spider spins a silky web
Of soft and shiny aura.
How will a little butterfly
Know the coming drama?
Lady S so wants a child
But she herself is dry
And a wounded Mr. Spider
Turns his back and cries.
Sunlight sparkles on the weave
Catching the ‘lil butter’s eye.
He soon alights upon the web
Her tapestry does hypnotize.
The ‘lil one fills a big hole
In her broken heart.
The spin-stress knows not why she craves…
But he must play a part.
Is he embraced or entrapped
In the lady’s many arms?
Instinct tells ’lil b to flee
Despite her luring charms.
But Lady Spider starts to sing
Her haunting Siren ** song.
How is one so young to know
Just what is right from wrong?
The moon has journeyed many times
Giving in becomes veiled lie.
‘lil b now wonders who he is…
“Oh no. I’ve forgotten how to fly!”
** In Greek mythology, the Sirens were dangerous creatures, who lured nearby sailors with their enchanting music and voices to shipwreck on the rocky coast of their island. (Wikipedia)
? Mark Gorkin 2017
Shrink Rap ? Productions
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The Spider and the Butterfly: Not Necessarily Just a Children’s Story
Mr. Spider’s Story – Part II
So where is Mr. Spider’s thread
In our enmeshed story?
For in this tale of web and woe
Lady S spins all the glory.
Mr. S, alas, cannot weave…
His scarlet mark of shame
Adding insult to injury:
The Queen’s needles are a pain.
To numb a spider’s injured pride
He gorges on the blood
Of his wife’s hard-earned bounty
Drinking far more than he should.
Mr. S silently seethes
Black clouds smoke his red-hot brain:
How can he seize ‘lil b
From the Queen’s web domain?
While ‘lil b so quietly
Morphs…now the “too good” child:
Wings aflutter cool spider fears, but
White noise “call of the wild!”
Then one day, Mr, Spider
Announces to his mate
That he and the butter boy
Have planned a hunting date.
‘lil b unexpectedly
Eyes Mr. S. with newfound hope
But quickly turns to reality…
Will she let us cut the rope?
? Mark Gorkin 2017
Shrink Rap ? Productions
lil b may not know where he is going
but I believe he will know how to get there.
Just between you and me...
I'd stay tuned for Part III.
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The Spider and the Butterfly: Not Necessarily Just a Children’s Story
The Dueling Dance of Codependency – Part III
Lady S and lil b
Still attached at the lip
Of the web hangs Mr. S, alone
By a thread gets a grip.
Grabbing a loose strand
He Ninjas towards the pair
To cut this Oedipal ** knot, but
Jerks to a stop mid-air.
A flash of panic in her orbs
Then a Queen Cold Medusa ** stare.
“Why this male bonding quest?
Mr. S... time for truth or dare."
A survival of the fittest test:
Is a safe nest the answer?
Or is her "be safe" just b.s.?
Who folds from high noon terror?
She shoots the little one a look
A laser to his brain…
The winner of this domain duel:
The hypnotic, symbiotic
E-magnetic ball and chain. **
Still Mr S. turns to the boy
Soul pleading with his eyes.
The little wings but sadly shrug
He knows where his butter lies!
Mr. Spider’s agony
War paint drips down his face
Turns fiery rejection red…
How to live with such disgrace?
For the little butterfly
One question rends his heart:
Why won’t Mr. Spider
Play his manly part?
Simply say to Mrs S.:
“The boy will come with me!”
But he meekly bows to the Queen
Yet scorns the lil b.
Mr. S crawling in pain
Takes one more parting glance:
First heal his own wounds, then
End the spider-butter trance!
** Oedipal – Sophocles’ Oedipus Rex is a Greek play that has captivated audiences and readers alike for centuries. In Freud’s hands the play became an illustration of the supposedly universal “Oedipus complex”— a group of emotions, usually unconscious, involving the desire of a child, especially a male child, to possess sexually the parent of the opposite sex while excluding the parent of the same sex (Psychology Today and The Free Dictionary).
** Medusa was a monster, one of the Gorgon sisters and daughter of Phorkys and Keto, the children of Gaea (Earth) and Oceanus (Ocean). She had the face of an ugly woman with snakes instead of hair; anyone who looked into her eyes was immediately turned to stone (AOL/Medusa Greek Mythology).
** ball and chain – something that limits one's freedom or ability to do things (Merriam-Webster); someone who won't let you do or go anywhere without him/her (Urban Dictionary).
? Mark Gorkin 2017
Shrink Rap ? Productions
To really know the spider score
Keep an eye out for Part IV!
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The Spider and the Butterfly: Not Necessarily Just a Children’s Story
The Dark Side of Devotional Dependency – Part IV
Mr. Spider seems to fade
Wrapped in a silent shroud.
Until the boy dreams of a ghost
Who calls his name out loud.
His head rocked wildly side to side
By the spider man in the moon
Begetting daylight wings with hives
Oh, for life in the cocoon.
Is he a prince or prisoner
In the lady’s storied tower?
Her chants churn mind to butter
Now wide eyed for spider power.
The Queen cradles the butter cup
As if a fragile flower.
When instinct says take time away…
Eyes ablaze make him cower.
‘lil b soon learns his place
To mirror back emotion
A sponge for untold spider fears
The price for her devotion.
Most days she spins spider lore
He’s being schooled at home.
Beneath a soft butter fa?ade
A broken butter boy on guard…
My God: Stockholm Spider Syndrome! **
One source of psychic shock
Soothing sounds of spider aria…
Wait, what’s wrong? Why mood code red?
Was it something that I said?
To cause lightning HYSTERIA?
Two, ‘lil b knows the web fate
Of flailing arms and wings.
Repressed rage saps his courage, then
That out of body stare dread brings.
What happens when a little boy
Butters up as a “life choice”?
When wings veil both eyes and ears…
Can a wild call lose its voice?
Without a real inner spark
For survival fight or flight…
Might an AWOL spider man
Deliver daylight from dark night?
** Stockholm Syndrome, also commonly known as "capture bonding,” is a condition that causes hostages to develop a psychological alliance with their captors as a survival strategy during captivity. These feelings, resulting from a bond formed between captor and captives during intimate time spent together, are generally considered irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims. Generally speaking, Stockholm Syndrome consists of strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other (Wikipedia).
? Mark Gorkin 2017
Shrink Rap ? Productions
In “As the World of Spider Spin”
Pray tell…Where has Mr. Spider been?
Let us all keep hope alive
And breathlessly await Part V.
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Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ?, a nationally acclaimed speaker -- on stress & burnout, performance-leadership & captivating communication -- as well as recognized authour, and "Psychohumorist" ?. Mark is a founding partner and Stress Resilience and Trauma Debriefing Consultant for the Nepali Diaspora Behavioral Health & Wellness Initiative and is a current Leadership Coach/Training Consultant for the international Embry-Riddle Aeronautics University at the Daytona, FL headquarters. A former Stress and Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service, he has led numerous Pre-Deployment Stress Resilience-Humor-Team Building Retreats for the US Army. Presently Mark does Critical Incident Debriefing for organizational/corporate clients of Business Health Services. The Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress, The Four Faces of Anger, and Preserving Human Touch in a High-Tech World. Mark’s award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" – www.stressdoc.com – was called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR). For more info, email: [email protected].