MindNLife Psychology Practice on Mastering self-care through the practice of self-compassion

In therapeutic work, we often see the same pattern over and over again. ?People tend to be very good at showing compassion to everyone else in their lives, but not themselves. We are our own worst critics. ?Why is it so difficult to treat ourselves with kindness and understanding in moments when we need care, rather than reverting to criticism and judgement?

There are a number of reasons why self-compassion might be a challenge. ?Firstly, many people believe that it is selfish or self-indulgent. ? Secondly, acknowledging painful emotions can result in feelings of vulnerability so it is easier to ignore those emotions than attend to and accept them with kindness. ?Thirdly, many people have low self-worth and hold negative beliefs about themselves which leads them to think that they are not deserving of compassion.

Why is it important to cultivate compassion?

Self-criticism and self-blaming trigger the brain’s threat system resulting in stress, anxiety or distress. ?It’s so important that we can learn to show ourselves compassion so that we can calm our minds and bodies at times when we need care and support.

It’s helpful to learn skills for meeting our own needs rather than relying on external sources to provide reassurance or validation when we are experiencing challenges.

As well as improving your ability to deal with challenges, developing your compassion skills will support you in maintaining mental wellness and meeting your goals. ?Neuroscientific research shows that there is a strong association between self-compassion and psychological wellbeing. Some areas of benefit include:

• Greater life satisfaction and contentment
• Reduced distress
• Improved ability to regulate emotions
• Increased self-esteem and confidence
• Higher levels of motivation
• More fulfilling relationships
• Greater resilience/reduced likelihood of burnout

Some tips for cultivating self-compassion:

1. Best friend technique: In any situation which triggers negative, self-critical thoughts, ask yourself what you would say to someone else if they were in the same position.
2. Allow feelings: Criticising yourself for feeling is counterproductive. ?Rather than judge your feelings, feel them. ?Process and release them.
3. Self-care/rest: The impact of sleep deprivation on mental health is well-documented so rest is a priority. Taking steps to care for your mind and body reduces stress and enhances wellbeing. ?It is not an indulgence – it’s a priority.
4. Positive self-talk: Reflect on your inner dialogue. Research shows that positive self-talk supports the rewiring of your brain, improving wellbeing and mental health, performance, problem-solving ability and motivation.
5. Break the cycle with thought records: Note down negative thinking patterns and make a commitment to reframe with helpful, supportive thoughts.
6. Seek professional support: Self-compassion is hard. ?If you need support, therapists trained in Compassion Focused Therapy can guide you towards a more supportive and compassionate way of being, shifting your mindset and fostering resilience in the face of life’s challenges.

To find out more how therapy can help you achieve your full potential and improve your mental health, please get in touch.

Online, in person, MindNLife is a private psychology practice for the whole family.