Mindfulness Misunderstood

Misunderstanding Mindfulness

There seems to be some kind of ‘Mindfulness Madness’ going around. Everybody and their dog is selling it and if you go into the Works Bookshop they have a whole section of Mindfulness Colouring in Books; so many in fact that its stressful choosing!!!

The reason I’m writing this is to help clear up a few points and give, FOR FREE, some surprisingly simple insights and skills that can make a real difference. Hopefully you will enjoy, benefit and share….

Why colouring in books work

Do you remember why you gave your children a colouring in book or why your parents gave them to you? It wasn’t for any ‘magical mindfulness’ reasons, it was to keep you occupied and give your parents a break!!! Why do you think adult colouring books work?

They occupy your mind with a simple task; the only requirement is not going over the edges; its simple…

Your brain has three choices:

1. Do nothing with it and let it joy-ride your mind
2. Try not think of choice one (give this a go, try not to think of a green apple. What popped into your mind?)
3. Do something with it; some simple task, be mindful

Everybody who comes to see me for 1-2-1 coaching or therapy knows exactly what they don’t want and spend all their time thinking about it (choice 2 above). It’s not surprising they’re anxious or struggling to move on in their life.

Anxiety

Anxiety is probably the most growing condition today and the NHS are struggling to deal with it. They have even designated a specific condition GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder) where it’s hard to diagnose what specifically makes them anxious so they must be generally anxious and need medicating… In most cases, the first medication you'll be offered will be a type of antidepressant called a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI). Next you could be offered CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) then; you’ve guessed it, Mindfulness classes.

What’s overlooked, in general, is that anxiety is a type of self-hypnosis where the sufferer imagines what might happen based on the belief/experience of the past. Mindfulness is offered as the solution as it is about the now, not the past or future. I do believe teaching self-hypnosis would be far more effective so you can learn to write your own mind-made-movies rather than keep playing the old scary one.

Press Pause

How fantastic would it be if you could press a pause button and stop the world for a while? Well you can and it’s surprisingly simple; I wish somebody had told me years ago… I love watching films and know I can press pause when I need the loo, want to make a cup of tea, talk to a friend etc. so why can’t I press pause and stop the world when its busy place and I can’t get focused? Truth is I can… Sit and give my mind a simple task to focus on (see brain has 3 choices). Please give this a go:

1. Get yourself comfortable
2. Take a deep breath in and out
3. Look up with your eyes as high as you can and then slowly close your eyes, letting go
4. Relax your eyes and the muscles around them to the point where you know you can’t open them, test them.
5. Let the relaxation spread down through your body
6. Now float down through the chair [or where ever you are sitting or lying] off to your safe place
7. Say whatever you need to, to yourself, to achieve what you want (e.g. become more confident)
8. When you are ready allow yourself to open your eyes.

Take time out to practice; at first it may take around 2 to 5 minutes. Your ability to press pause, change your focus, then release the pause to continue is a wonderful thing.

State of non-judgement

As an engineer I called this state “a state of curiosity”. It isn’t judged as right or wrong, it is just considered with curiosity. Rather than asking “Why do I feel like this?” ask “where does this feeling start/end? Where in my body? Are there edges to it? Does it have a colour/shape/specific location?” If it is tightness is your chest, compare it to a sense of heaviness and relaxation in your feet. Observing without judging (giving value) enables you to play with making adjustments eg loosening, lightening etc.

Elephant in the room

I love this saying; I have even put an elephant in my room so we can notice and discuss. Avoiding the elephant in the room is to ignore and pretend the issue doesn’t exist. It’s like ignoring a child, they just get louder… Don’t ignore, pay attention with a state of non-judgement. There are techniques such as 6-step reframe and parts therapy that teach you to use the ‘positive intention’ of the behaviour/belief and use it to enable change. Both Hypnotherapy and NLP use these approaches.

Unintentional influence

There is a presupposition in NLP “You cannot not influence”; this means that all communication has some kind of influence. Even Freud tried to avoid this influence; he wondered if his clients were presenting their thoughts or were being influence by his so he tried sitting still and quiet as a statue, only to find that his clients sat still too. How about influencing on purpose? Sit quietly and influence where you sense anxiety (or whatever you choose). Move it to a different location, change its size, shape, speed etc.

Mindful Mowing

I hear of so many people who attend mindfulness training courses where they practice pealing an orange or grape. I once joked that the advanced course involved cutting your lawn with scissors and was amazed that they wanted to find out more and where the course was… Mindfulness is not a magic technique only available to physiologists or similarly trained medical staff; it is an age old approach from Buddhism that teaches focus on the ‘here and now’. Any relatively simple task from making a cup of tea or mowing you lawn to rock’n’roll dancing and tai chi are mindful as you are mindful of the process. In fact all learning requires a mindful approach as not paying attention delays the process and even encourages the fear of failure (anxiety).

Resilience

The word resilient comes from Latin resili, or resilīre, meaning - to spring back, to rebound, to recover. Resilience is a mindful process and is based on learning from your experience with a state of ‘non-judgement’ (see above). Learn to overcome ‘ground-hog day thinking’ and develop your emotional intelligence.

In conclusion

I have highlighted a few points to consider (mindfully) so hope they have sparked thoughts and ideas for you. I am happy to discuss any areas mentioned as I wanted to keep this article as an overview.

I’ve been practicing mindfulness ever since I enjoyed the process of learning to ride a bike and stopped focusing on the fear of falling off. I’ve practiced mindfulness ever since I scribbled on a page as a child with no thought of what it might become, whether it was good or bad. I’ve practiced mindfulness through my 30+ of tai chi. Mindfulness is not a weekend course to attend, its being alive in life… It’s just being present in what you are doing

Be mindful of how you progress

For those interested I have written a book entitled 'The Accidental Hypnotist'which is available on Kindle and Paperback.

I can be contacted on 0121 251 6172 or via email to discuss further