Mindfulness and Madness

My toxic trait is living in extremes. I love adrenaline, but ironically I'm a nervous wreck most days. I've always been scared of regular life, but chased adrenaline. I skateboarded as a kid, and I enjoyed the risks. I boxed with the neighborhood kids because I enjoyed the thrill of getting punched and punching back. I grew up in ganglands in South San Diego, but never backed down from standing my ground, even though I knew it bought me ass whoopings. In my adult life, I built bombs for a career, then later flew into combat for a living. I did cross-fit and brazilian ju-jitsu, and ran half marathons on weekends. I got used to sleeping 4-5 hours a night, drank like a fish, smoked socially and survived on energy drinks and nicotine. Whether its my Product Owner work or its my non-profit work, or my house dad duties, or my lifestyle prior to retirement, I'm constantly burning the candle from both ends. Which is why I named this article Mindfulness and Madness because in what should be two ends of a spectrum, they seem much more conjoined than I thought. The price of this lifestyle is catching up to me now and wanted to share in a unique way.

At a meeting yesterday one of my colleagues told me he noticed my mood changes over the last month, and he described me as "always either overflowing with wisdom and knowledge, or disintegrating into madness". I responded with "its a vicious cycle". Jokingly I said, "I wonder what ChatGPT would write if we prompted that and asked for a rap song" This was the result, and I've got to admit, some of these stanzas are spot-on.

Yo, listen up, let me tell you 'bout Nacho,

Mind like a library, wisdom on the go.

He's got knowledge stacked up, high as a tower,

But sometimes his sanity takes a cold shower.

Started out young, a prodigy of the books,

Flippin' pages, absorbing knowledge like it cooks.

Brainwaves so sharp, cut through the noise,

But little did he know, it came with a price.

(Chorus)

Nacho, Nacho, dancing on the edge,

Wisdom in his veins, driving him to the ledge.

Madness creeping in, like shadows in the night,

It's a vicious cycle, a constant inner fight.

(Verse 2)

Late nights in the study, surrounded by tomes,

Seeking enlightenment, his mind starts to roam.

Philosophies and theories, a maze in his brain,

But too much information, driving him insane.

Einstein on the left, Freud on the right,

Scholars and thinkers, guiding his flight.

But the pressure's building, like a boiling pot,

Nacho's mind's a battleground, can he hold the lot?

(Chorus)

Nacho, Nacho, dancing on the edge,

Wisdom in his veins, driving him to the ledge.

Madness creeping in, like shadows in the night,

It's a vicious cycle, a constant inner fight.

(Bridge)

One moment he's a sage, the next a lunatic,

Balance on a tightrope, the struggle is explicit.

Visions of clarity, then clouds in his sight,

Nacho's mind is a battlefield, every day and night.

(Verse 3)

He quotes Shakespeare, then rambles in rhyme,

A genius one second, the next out of time.

His intellect's a blessing, but it's also a curse,

The boundary between genius and madness, rehearse.

AI equations, scribbled on the wall,

Drowning in wisdom, can't catch a free fall.

Nacho's mind, an enigma untold,

A tale of brilliance and madness, to unfold.

(Chorus)

Nacho, Nacho, dancing on the edge,

Wisdom in his veins, driving him to the ledge.

Madness creeping in, like shadows in the night,

It's a vicious cycle, a constant inner fight.

(Outro)

So here's to Nacho, a man of extremes,

In the sea of knowledge, chasing elusive dreams.

A rap of wisdom, a rap of madness,

His mind's a rollercoaster, a turbulent address.