Mindful Speaking

When I was a kid, I remember playing marbles in my primary school playground. I loved playing marbles because I was good at it, and I didn’t have to speak.

One day, a classmate asked if he could join the game. I got excited and enthusiastically said yes! In my excitement, I tried to explain the rules of our game and stuttered so badly that nobody understood what I said. Because of this, one of the bigger kids stood up, punched me in the face and instructed me to go away because I was “stupid.”

I walked off, fighting back my tears, massaging my sore face, and sat alone against a wall. While I sat, my mind raced into overdrive, and I started thinking about how I could have explained the game better to my classmate. I thought about how I could avoid certain words, what language I should speak in (I spoke 3 languages) to make it easier for me, and how I could adjust my sentences to minimise my stuttering.

Ever since that day, I have been constantly thinking about how I can do all these things – and for over 30 years now it has become a process that I have refined and refer to as “mind-mapping.”

?Mind mapping is what I do when I sense difficult words, or sentences, and avoid them to maintain my speaking rhythm. The process has taught me how to slow down my mind so I can think clearly, which in turns lets me select words which minimise stress. It eliminates unnecessary words, it’s improved my vocabulary, and has made me conscious of what I say – all of which has taught me how to be a mindful speaker.

It's important to be mindful of what we say, and I feel so many of us say things without thinking, nor what the impact our language can have on others. We use jargon and fancy words to fill time and sound important, and don’t put enough thought into our sentence structure, which leads to ‘rambling’. Sometimes, our choice of vocabulary can sound dismissive, and whilst that may not be our intention, others can interpret it this way.

I think it’s equally important to consider how we say what we want to say – and to do this, we need to train our minds into becoming mindful speakers.

Here are 3 ways we can become mindful speakers, and why it’s important to do so, starting with our structure.

Structure

Every memorable pitch, presentation, introduction, facilitation, conversation, or interview response – has a structure. Having a structure gives us a clear path where we can formulate our thoughts and, in turn, it provides us with the flexibility to adapt if we need to. When we structure our sentences, we organise our words like a jigsaw puzzle, ensuring each word fits exactly where it should be and, in doing so, we sound more eloquent. Having structure keeps us on track, we avoid rambling and it enables our audience to follow what we are saying. To make it even easier for our audience to digest what we are saying, we should also slow down our pace.

Pace

?Research suggests we speak at a rate of 130 – 180 words per minute, and we think at a rate of 500 – 800 words a minute; because we think faster than we speak, we speak faster to keep up with our thoughts and, when this happens, we rush and are prone to making mistakes.

A way to manage this is to slow down and speak with a measured pace. This gives us time to recall our thoughts and it’s easier for our audience to follow us.

Speaking with a measured pace is an excellent way to establish authority. Think about it – when we listen to somebody who speaks fast, we struggle to keep up with them. When we listen to a slow, considered speaker, he/she/them command more respect in what they say.

?When we speak slowly, it gives us time to consider our vocabulary.

Vocabulary

Some of us feel compelled to use big words which might sound and make us feel - clever. However, unless our audience understands these words, it has the opposite effect – and it can confuse people.?Similarly, if we use too many adjectives, our language is too complex, or we can’t explain something in a simple manner – it confuses our audience and can erode our credibility.

An excellent way to manage this is by removing all unnecessary words from our sentences. To remove unnecessary words, be ruthless and ask yourself, “Is this word necessary or am I repeating what I have already said?”?

For example, if I listen to an engaging presentation, I could say, “I listened to an extremely memorable presentation!”

However, if I’m being ruthless, I could exclude the word, “extremely” as it’s a filler word which doesn’t add any more value and forces me to speak more. Instead, I could say, “I listened to a memorable presentation!"

When we use more words than is necessary, we speak more, and this means our audience needs to listen more. When people need to listen more, we are asking for more brain space, which could lessen the impact of our intended message.

By creating a structure, adjusting our pace, and thinking about what we want to say, we train our ourselves to think efficiently, and become more effective at delivering our message.

Ever since that kid punched me in the face for not being able to explain a game of marbles, I continually think about how I can become efficient with what I say, and how I say it. I’m still teaching myself how to be more efficient with my speaking, and I do make mistakes – however that’s all part of the growth process, isn’t it?

As I develop through this process, I’ve realised one thing - having a stutter has been a tremendous benefit in teaching me how to be a mindful speaker.