MINDFUL MONDAY - BE LIKE ELSA (AND TANYA)

THE STORY:

A senior monk and a junior monk were traveling together. @ one point, they came to a river with a strong current. As the monks were preparing to cross the river, they saw a very young and beautiful woman also attempting to cross. The young woman asked if they could help her cross to the other side.

The two monks glanced at one another because they had taken vows not to touch a woman.

Then, without a word, the older monk picked up the woman, carried her across the river, placed her gently on the other side, and carried on his journey.

The younger monk couldn’t believe what had just happened. He was speechless, and an hour passed without a word between them.

After what felt like an eternity, the younger monk finally blurted out 'As monks, we are not permitted to touch a woman. How could you carry that woman on your shoulders?'

The older monk looked @ him and replied: 'Brother, I set her down on the other side of the river a long time ago. Why are you still carrying her?'

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How many times have you felt like the younger monk in your life?

Unfortunately I still feel like him too often (I'm actively working on it every day, and, believe me, it can be exhausting...).

I believe that this Zen story has a beautiful message about living in the present moment and letting go.

We all go through times in life when other people say things or behave in a way that we feel is hurtful towards us.

We can choose to replay the event over and over and relive the sadness, anger, betrayal, or resentment, but it will ultimately weigh us down and sap our energy...

or...

We can choose to concentrate on the present moment and let go.

Why and How?

Research suggests that holding onto a grudge for an extended time hurts both your body and your mind. Have you ever taken the time to evaluate how you feel, both physically and mentally, in those moments? The cortisol you dump into your body activates all the stress responses. Our perception of the world becomes affected. Our mood and quality of life suffer.

For a long time I believed instant forgiveness was the answer... until I realized it wasn't. I felt as if I was minimizing and even ignoring my feelings. The process felt more like denial than actual forgiveness (I am still heavily exploring the concept of forgiveness on a regular basis...).

I started taking responsibility, and listening to my mind and heart. I acknowledged that I had been hurt. I embraced my emotions, accepted my vulnerability, and allowed myself to truly feel. Only then was I ready to accept that there was no reason to cling to those negative and exhausting feelings anymore. Only then was I ready to forgive.

I still consider this step very difficult, and I have observed that I am not alone. How often do you use or hear the word 'karma' in your lives?

My wonderful friend Tanya regularly reminds me that forgiveness is about us. She firmly believes that grudges are toxic, and that by holding grudges we're only harming ourselves.

She keeps telling me with her perpetual and contagious 'joie de vivre' that it's so much better and less exhausting to simply feel good.

We don’t have to condone or justify the behavior of the people who hurt us. We just need to stop giving power to the conflict.

Next time someone hurts you, take responsibility, acknowledge your emotions, and look for the lesson or the gift. You may learn to understand the harm that was caused to you, you may learn to forgive, you may become stronger and kinder to yourself, and you may learn to live in the 'Here' and 'Now'.