The Mindful Leader: Your Team's Struggles Don't Have to Be Your Own

A week ago I posted a LinkedIn poll (results below) and posed a hypothetical question: what do you do when a member of your team shares a personal struggle?

This is a tricky question: how does one offer valued support while carrying the weight and responsibility of leadership?

• The new or immature (low EQ) leader will dismiss or ignore their team member's personal struggle, hoping it goes away. This leader tells themself: "Seriously - adults better figure out how to handle their s--t, right?" Nope, this is one human asking another for help. A dismissive leader is nothing more than negligent, which creates resentment on the part of their team. In short order the team becomes less productive and starts to look for the nearest exit.
• A poorly-trained or insecure leader leader interprets a team member's personal struggle as a challenge to authority or sign of "weakness." Now that the team member has shown "weakness," it stands to reason their performance will similarly be so weak that the leader must build a case for reassignment or termination. This leader tells themself: "C'mon, folks - if the employee complains when they are lucky just to have a job, then the company is better off without them, right?" Nope, the team is only as good as its weakest link, and in this case it's the team lead.
• By contrast, the Mindful Leader earns the trust of their team every day. When confronted with a team member who shares a personal struggle, the mindful leader will listen to the team member as an individual and as a human, while also assessing their fellow employee's well-being. It is important to remember that listening is not a diagnosis. Equally important is that listening is every bit non-judgmental as it is private. That is, unless the person mentions self-harm or harm to others, which means reporting to the appropriate authority.

In reality, there is no single, magical, "one size fits all" response to unforeseen and uneasy situations. You, the mindful leader, will likely have to find training and equip yourself.

Unless a firm's going concern is to directly deal with mental health and similar circumstances, a company is not going to make the time or effort to train their leaders to deal with an employee's personal struggles or signs of crisis. More often than not, an employer seeks to minimize liability, which takes the form of "talent development" webinars or canned training sessions, such as: how to engage your team in order to maximize productivity; the new manager's guide on when and how to approach HR; and similar topics. Rarely do these official training programs touch on how to recognize someone in crisis, and likely none are offered on a continual or refresher basis.

But take heart, there are training programs available that you can use to help you and your team. Some of these programs are free while others are low-cost. (* This is just a list of mental health training programs. The author neither endorses nor recommends any single program or all of the programs. Readers should use their discretion when exploring and choosing a mental health training program. *)

1. National Council for Mental Well-Being Mental Health First Aid
2. Manulife Self-Directed Manager Mental Health Training
3. Oxford Diploma: Mental Health and Wellbeing at the Workplace
4. Psychological Health & Safety for Workers
5. SAMHSA Mental Health Awareness Training (MHAT)

Some final thoughts.

1. Take care of yourself so that you are better-prepared for an unforeseen and uneasy situation. You are human, too.

• Self-care is paramount. Some mental health experts recommend a self-care plan for those who are in a position, leadership or not, where someone may come to you and ask for help. A self-care plan for the mindful leader may include: taking a moment to gather your thoughts and assess the situation when confronted with an individual in crisis; recognizing and knowing how to deal with your own biases; self-education on employer or community-based resources to help during crisis; making regular effort or time to bond with your team and those who depend on you as the leader.
• Remember the basics, whether or not you subscribe to Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Maintain a solid sleep schedule of at least seven hours per night. Exercise at least 20 minutes per day, 4 times per week. Eat healthy and the right amounts. Make it a point to get together with and enjoy your relationships with good friends and family. Engage in prayer, gratitude recognition, or some kind of mindfulness for at least 15 minutes daily.

2. Even mindful leaders can sometimes make mistakes.

• Sometimes a leader may seek the counsel of peers at their level, especially if untrained or unfamiliar with their employee's situation. A word of caution, though: what starts out as an innocent discussion with a peer in leadership may become the latest office gossip, and may damage your or your team member's careers at the company. Best to limit any discussion, if needed, with getting your team member the help they need through an EAP or similar professional help (see Note 1 at the bottom).
• And sometimes a person placed in charge of others may feel the best course of action is to try to figure it out on their own. Let's face it, being the person in charge carries a weight to it that not everyone understands. The leader can best serve their team by recommending employer-sponsored resources, or if better-suited, outside resources (i.e., trained and licensed professional counselors) or those resources that are part of the employee's community (i.e., place of worship, Veteran's groups, etc.).

Note 1: Not all EAPs are created equal. A Dec. 2023 survey and report from Amwell found that more than 50% of employees do not have access to or are not aware of employee-offered EAPs. Of those employees who do have EAPs, 85% do not use the benefit.

Photo credit: Photo of reaching hands by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash.