MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS

There’s a thought pattern that’s been lingering in my mind lately. There’s someone in my professional circle who I know is lying about something, and I consider exposing them, calling them out, even publicly shaming them. It’s a line of thinking I wish I could shake off, one that doesn’t align with who I want to be. The motive feels justified, but deep down, I suspect that’s a lie. When I sit with it, I ask myself, 'Why? What good would come of this?' And then another aspect of my initial thought hits me: 'What an ugly thought, Stuart.' Thoughts about my thoughts — what a minefield!

I don’t want to be someone who takes others down, and I certainly don’t want to be the moral police, because, as God knows, I’m far too flawed for that anyway.? I remind myself it’s not who I am, and more importantly, it’s not who I want to be.? Just because a thought pops into my mind, doesn’t mean it’s an urgent call to action so I should act on it.?

It took me a long time to understand this — that thoughts enter our minds uninvited and can be as meaningless as lint in your belly button.? You don’t know how it got there, you don’t really care, and you can choose to do something about it or not. Thoughts arrive randomly, often at inconvenient times, and they don’t always reflect our desires or values. ?Previously, influenced by Freud’s thinking, I believed that my thoughts were part of my subjective unconscious, thus a part of me and shaping my identity.? I didn’t realize that sometimes you can have nightmares, which don’t necessarily represent your unconscious desires or even relate to real life.? That’s because although our brain is active while we sleep, the ‘logic’ filter is dormant, which accounts for why dreams never make much sense when reviewed with our waking mind!

My thought process about the person who is lying stem from my 'should' distortion: they should not lie, should not get away with it, should not benefit. This thinking is reinforced by another distortion: 'It’s not fair.' But then, a semblance of sense prevails, and I ask myself, who am I to judge how they should behave?? As Byron Katie wisely points out, believing people should behave in a certain way when they don’t, means we are fighting with reality — and when we fight with reality, we lose, 100% of the time. The emotional suffering that comes from resisting reality is profound. When I cling to the thought, 'He/she should not be dishonest,' I am in conflict with reality because, like it or not, that’s who they are in that moment.

Byron Katie’s concept of “three types of business” resonates deeply with me: there’s my business, your business, and God’s business. When I find myself obsessing over someone else’s dishonesty, I realize I’m in their business, not mine. And as Byron points out, when I’m not in my own business, who’s looking after it?? If I’m spending my mental energy on someone else’s lies, deceit, or success, then who is taking care of my business?? Who’s watching over my values, my peace of mind, my focus on what I need to achieve?? We all know people who are constantly calling others out, criticizing what they are doing, judging.? And I shake my head at the hypocrisy of it all, especially considering how many times I’ve been dishonest myself — far too many to count.

?So, what does it mean to stay in our own business? Our minds are complex and filled with distractions, noise, and random intrusions.? It’s normal to experience fleeting thoughts that don’t align with who we are or want to be - what matters is how we respond.? Do we let them take root and influence our actions?? Or do we observe them for what they are — mere mindless thoughts—and then let them go?

There’s a powerful lesson in recognizing when a thought isn’t serving us.? When we’re focused on someone else’s behaviour — revenge, judgment, or control — we step out of our own lives and into theirs.? And when we do that, we lose sight of what truly matters: our own journey, our own values, and our own peace of mind, our own business.

Mindfulness is the key to unlocking freedom from these thoughts.? It allows us to step back, observe our mental chatter, and choose which thoughts we want to engage with and which ones we don’t. ?When I feel the pull towards righting perceived wrongs or seeking revenge, I ask myself, “Is this thought helping me live in alignment with my values?”, and its no big surprise when the answer is no.? And when that’s the case, I let the thought go.? It’s not always easy, and it takes practice, but over time, I’ve learned to detach from thoughts that don’t serve me.? I no longer feel the need to act on every impulse or emotion that crosses my mind.? Instead, I acknowledge the thought for what it is — just a trivial notion - and move on with my life.

In the end, we are not defined by our thoughts but by our actions. Thoughts will come and go, often without our permission, but we are left to answer for what we actually do, not for what we should have done, or could have done.

You can probably relate to some of the thought processes I’ve been wrestling with.? When they arise, take a moment to ask yourself, 'Who would I be without this thought?' Chances are, you’d be someone a lot happier, less stressed, and more focused on what truly matters — your own business. And if that’s not reason enough to let the thought go, what is?

• #MindYourOwnBusiness
• #LiveBetter
• #LetItGo
• #PersonalGrowth