Mind Over Matter... Does It Matter?

I ran down the stairs as fast as I could in an attempt to make it outside before the inevitable. I arrived at the big, beautiful glass door entrance of a glamorous corporate office building and before I could lunge myself forward to push through the doors, I projectile vomited across the big, beautiful glass door entrance. Ironically in that moment, I noticed the HR Director staring at me, with her eyes wide and her mouth gaping, from the other side of the door – unfortunate or perfect timing, I’m still not sure!

I bet you’re wondering what led up to that point.. I was young, excited to have landed a summer job with a notable company. My job was to support the Director of the department and four professional engineers. My daily tasks consisted of updating proposals with information provided to me by the engineers, usually on a piece of paper written in chicken-scratch. Then when the proposals were complete and approved, I printed them, organized them in a binder, and shipped them to the potential client. I was fine with these tasks, but there were few proposals and there was rarely work for me to do. In the in-between-time, I listened to the Director yell at the engineers, and I did my best to keep busy and be invisible.

On the morning of when I displayed my vomiting skills, it was no different than any other day. I sat at my cubicle desk, checking my email, waiting for work to come through, and doing what I could to keep busy. I was the bizarre combination of bored and stressed. I could feel a headache coming on, but this time it was extreme, like nothing I had felt before. I had no choice but to lay my head on my arm and rest it on my desk. I could barely see, from what I later understood to be a migraine aura, and I began to feel nauseous. The Director of my department was in an off-site meeting, and I knew I needed to go home, but I needed him to sign my leave form before I left. I didn’t want to make him angry by leaving and not following process. I waited and waited and then I waited some more. I finally decided to leave the form filled out on his desk with a note explaining that I wasn’t feeling well and urgently needed to go home. That’s when I attempted to make my exit, and well, you know the rest.

I’m sure you’re wondering, if the work situation was so bad then why did you stay? This job was with a great company, a position that would look great on my resume, it was in a corporate building that was movie-worthy, and I didn’t want to be a quitter. Whenever I would consider quitting, several well-known quotes would run through my head: “Nobody likes a quitter.” “How you do anything, is how you do everything.” And the kicker, “Mind over matter.”

My vomiting performance happened on a Friday and on Monday morning when I returned to work the entrance of the big, beautiful building was clean, fresh, and decorated with two new carpets–much better than the old ones, thanks to me! There’s generally a silver lining in the worst of times!

“Mind over matter” played over in my mind a million times that summer. I would give myself pep-talks: "Just keep going, prove that you can do it and that you aren’t a quitter." I persevered. I kept going. I kept going despite my mind telling me to stop. What I learnt that summer is that I can keep going when my mind is saying no, but eventually my body will tell me when it really is too much. This happened many years ago at a time when the conversations around mental health were just beginning.

I would like to tell you that this is the first and last time something like this happened to me, but is not. Utilizing my awareness skills to assess the surrounding environment, its impact on me, and to take healthy actions accordingly, is a life-long navigation.

What I learnt that summer pops into my mind whenever I am faced with a toxic environment and or work-related health concerns. Some of the important lessons learnt that summer include:

• No toxic work environment is worth your health.
• Staying longer and working harder doesn’t (generally) fix a toxic environment.
• The shiny building, with the shiny door, and what appears to be a shiny job are not worth your health.
• It is okay to make changes and do what’s right for you, without attaching the label of being “a quitter”.
• Listen to yourself and not the voice and quotes of others. Only you know what you are going through and what you need for yourself in any specific moment.
• Ask for help when you aren’t feeling well or when a situation at work (or elsewhere) is negatively impacting you.

“Mind over matter” is just a quote. The ‘matter’ matters and what your mind and instincts are telling you also matter.

Pay attention to the impact of the environment you are in, the people you are surrounded by, and listen to what your mind is telling you. You matter!