The Mind Decoded

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THE NEED FOR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

?Emotional intelligence is the foundation of all human behavior. It has the power to transform relationships, belief and value systems and our lives. We see stress and conflict whether it is within family, at the workplace or with friends, relatives, neighbors and even strangers. This is due to the inner conflict within ourselves, cognitive dissonance and the battle within the metamorphic mind and heart. Lack of emotional intelligence hampers our life in almost all domains of relationships, career, finances and health. Being emotionally intelligent empowers us to manage both success and failure in life and therefore must be second nature to all. E.I. has the escape velocity of light. Unrealistic ambitions and expectations from life fuel this flight. But personal ego diminishes any possibility of compromise and collaboration making matters worse.

Conflict with children

We see unneeded conflict between parents and children, especially adolescents. This has to do with changes in their life like sudden, unexpected changes in the body, the rush of hormones, relationship issues, judgment and stereotyping by society and by their own parents, a flair of gadgets, TV, exposure to partying drugs, drinking, sex and the pressure of studies in between all of this.

?Occupational stress

Occupational stress is defined as a natural outcome of the anxiety to perform well, results orientation, workload, unfavorable work conditions or dealing with inappropriate behavior by superiors, colleagues and clients.

?Financial Stress

Whatever the reason, financial difficulty is a huge stressor and one of the most common reasons for depression among not only working professionals but also family members. People in stress due to financial issues face domestic violence and abuse as well. It is one area where emotional intelligence is urgently needed so people can be trained to manage the financial problems wisely.

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COMPONENTS OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Emotions are a domain of the mind and both positive and negative emotions arise and disperse from this faculty. Therefore, to understand emotional intelligence it is important to understand the mind in detail. All stress and related negativity we see around is the play of mind; the way the mind perceives a situation and frames or tags it with an emotion. All of this is illusory because the situation that may be the same for everyone is subjective coming from the individual mind only.

?Existential Intelligence

It is the basic naturally occurring intelligence in humans. This includes all types of intelligence that determines our character, temperament and eventually personality. Being emotionally intelligent is natural to us and that is a part of our existential intelligence. It is one of the nine types of intelligence in the famous “Theory of Multiple Intelligence” by Dr. Howard Gardner, and refers to the basic instinct in people to know about the nature of the creator, the meaning and purpose of life, the mysteries of death

etc. Existential intelligence broadens our mental horizons and connects us with life thereby enhancing our emotional intelligence.

?This is because when we see life from a macro standpoint we become more inclusive, less selfish and where self-awareness and empathy develop.

Critical Thinking

Critical thinking is an art of not accepting things at face value, questioning the process and even the status quo if needed. It is a virtue with the positive side of doubt being a strength. Critical thinking assists in enhancing our decision-making abilities and naturally enhances cognition. Someone with a high level of critical thinking actually doesn’t need an expert psychologist to do much-needed self-analysis. One doesn’t need to read books on psychology to be a psychologist; critical thinking brings the expertise from within us!

?ENHANCING EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Empathy – Being empathetic helps in:

●??????building strong relationships

●??????socializing well

●??????enabling the emotional ability to listen and not just hearing

●??????managing conflict

Empathy is the cornerstone of good interpersonal skills and enables us to look at things from the other person’s vantage point, a paradigm shift in the way we perceive any situation.

A person who is not listening to their own noise and has enough time, bandwidth and space for understanding and listening to others. One reason for interpersonal conflict is that people just want to download their own troubles and not listen to the other person in turn. Being empathetic helps in building strong relationships, socializing well, enabling the ability to listen and managing conflict

?Compassion – Compassion is the lack of negativity against self and others, and is natural as gravity. When the clouds of negativity disperse, compassion shines naturally. Compassion is one of the most important ingredients of emotional intelligence.

Self-awareness – It is suggested, we count to ten when we are angry and the anger will diffuse. But we seldom do so and the anger gets expressed as it must. Emotions must be seen the moment they arise and managed in our favor. A high E.I. also helps strengthen and develop the empathy neurons in our brain.

Clarity of mind – Clarity of mind is not prevalent in most people. Being led by a scarcity mindset in a greed driven society, and torn between choices on how to live a successful life, one is not able to decide what is right or wrong. When driven by high self-esteem and an abundance mindset, one is clear about the priorities in life and is able to control and manage emotional outlets.

Meditation – Meditation has been known to heighten the awareness levels of emotions. Meditators see an increased level of empathy and reduced stress, which brings clarity to the mind, moves a person out of self-centeredness, thereby increasing self-awareness and empathy. Meditation is a very good tool to enhance emotional intelligence.

BENEFITS OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE.

EI forms a psychological safety network around an individual and helps scale up our mental faculties. EI affects and effects our cognitive and physical competencies by uncomplicating our thoughts, feelings and behavior.

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Relationship Management – Empathy in place, there is little reason for misunderstanding in a relationship. Interaction with people at a deep level allows us to know what the other person wants from a relationship and how we can contribute.

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Career choice and sustenance – Occupational stress is a common phenomenon these days. While there are many reasons for stress, it starts with a wrong career or job choice chosen on the basis of fear or greed. Wrong decisions lead to frequent job changes with a resume that mirrors career instability. Emotionally intelligent people possess a clarity of thought on what they want to do in their life, and have a natural ability to discriminate, when to compromise, where to draw a line and how to enjoy a stable and fulfilling career.

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Mind Management - Our minds seem to be burdened with overthinking however hard we try not to. Can the mind be stopped from thinking? What would happen then? Usually, the source of over thinking is stress led by the fear of survival. Emotionally intelligent people are able to discriminate between useful and irrelevant thoughts and have rationalized thinking.

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Assertiveness – Assertiveness comes naturally to an emotionally intelligent person because of self-esteem. When we are sorted from inside, we are able to work with confidence, avoid submissiveness and aggression, be assertive without offending anyone, maintain existing relationships and create new ones.

A big stressor for human beings is the inability to express ourselves. An inability to release pent up frustration is not good. Being assertive makes us be ourselves and calms the mind. There is nothing that makes us happier than being the way we want to be. Being emotionally intelligent and operating from the vantage point of self-confidence, we can become a productive member of society.

?Emotions are a physical expression of feelings and sometimes vice versa. Both operate through the mind, on the platform of the brain having a direct impact on our thoughts that lead to action. Hence it is absolutely vital to regulate emotions so as to control our actions. A person with wise thoughts, emotions and actions is always respected.

?How to Manage Emotions:

●??????By listening

●??????By understanding

●??????By showing gratitude

●??????By empathy and compassion

●??????By building and maintaining strong relationships

●??????By self-affirmation

?To achieve this, we must:

●??????Surrender our ego

●??????Stop trying to please others.

●??????Stop judging others.

●??????Remove the desire for instant gratification.

●??????Stop making excuses.

●??????Remove unrealistic expectations.

●??????Forget fear of failure or fear of the unknown.

●??????Avoid being a perfectionist.

●??????Be patient and persistent.

●??????Try not to control people or events.

●??????Have the best attitude in everything we say or do.

●??????Live in the present, not the past or the future.

●??????Do not hold grudges or envy others.

●??????Learn how to forgive and forget.

?●??????Say sorry or thank you whenever we can.

●??????Manage our time, health, relationships and money.

●??????Learn how to say 'no'.

●??????Be honest in whatever we say or do.

●??????Make empathy and compassion the cornerstone of our life.

?How do we define life? To some it is the quality of finances, health and relationships they have. To others it is about successes and failures in life. Some categories life in the domain of happiness and sadness.

Ironically, most people define success in terms of material possessions when it is evident that all material is temporary in nature and cannot be possessed forever. Success is all about how happy we are irrespective of the circumstance. Happiness, the most revered and desired emotion, is sometimes misunderstood as the basis of emotional intelligence.

?The Conscious and Subconscious Mind

?The brain is a physical organ which stores all memory and enables us to think, plan, execute, regulate body movement, temperature and all other bodily functions. The mind on the other hand is a subtle functionary of the body that dominates all thinking. It is the faculty that enables thoughts to function humanely unlike a robot functioning by binary coding and lateral action.

?The mind enables reasoning, curiosity, imagination, creativity, planning, critical thinking, strategizing, contemplation, introspection, analyzing and like functions. The most important functions are the ability to be conscious of the present and experiencing emotions. In the mind, both positive and negative emotions arise and disperse. All stress and related negativity we see is the play of mind i.e., the way it perceives a situation and frames or tags it with an emotion, a highly subjective process.

?The conscious is the active mind. Its shelf life is only the present moment and is without any judgment. It immediately transmits everything it receives through the five senses to the subconscious mind, which in turn transmits whatever it deems important to the unconscious and deletes the rest from memory. The unconscious mind stores past memories tagged under the categories of pleasant and unpleasant, favorable or unfavorable, or good and bad based on the way it was conditioned to believe and understand since childhood.

?But with modes of communication improving daily, human conflict is also on the rise and people are emotionally disengaging from each other. Why don’t we simply communicate more and better? Why is compassion, empathy and gratitude missing in our evolved human society? Why has the bandwidth of relationships been reduced to a blip, and why are people uninterested in talking and listening meaningfully? Questions with many an answer.

??So, who is an emotionally intelligent person? In the great philosophy of psychology, the Bhagavad Gita mentions the word Sthit Pragya as the emotionally intelligent person. Sthit Pragya is a person who is balanced as happy and unhappy emotions pass through the mind. It should be noted that even happy emotions are to be managed well as an expression in the emotionally intelligent individual. Sthit Pragya is a person who is balanced in success and failure because this person, operating from the vantage point of abundance, knows how to deal with both.

?Our self-centeredness and fear of trusting people which leads us to manipulate others so as to safeguard ourselves while we grow, succeed and dominate. Ego defines my presence for me. This state of ego-dominated existence diminishes the chances of collaborating with others. Ego is the vice that makes us operate from the wrong vantage point of selfishness instead of co-existence. But then how do we let go of this evil in us?

So how does one remain detached from all the emotions that rise in the mind and become a neutral observer? Our wants and needs are endless. When the mind wants something, it wants it desperately, not wanting to take no for an answer and getting upset when it doesn’t happen, it moves on to the next demand.

?Morals and ethics don’t usually take part in these inner discussions. But wants create a feeling of emptiness and negativity when what was desired was not achieved, for whatever reason – logical or illogical. But needs are different. They are things that are necessary and possessed permanently.

?Needs are not endless and the satisfaction and happiness achieved to have them has a much longer shelf life. Needs might create an emotional disturbance when not achieved, but less than wants. They don’t create that emotional disturbance in an abundance mindset because the thought process is balanced here. Contentment is the virtue of people with the abundance mindset. It is one of the highly disliked words in the 21st century, widely misunderstood to be a state of mind which has surrendered to failure and won’t try any more. But this cannot be further than the truth.

??The contentment mindset keeps wanting to grow but is happy with whatever comes along the way so that emotional balance is not upset. Such emotional balance is the perfect recipe for correct decision making in an emotionally intelligent person. So, we now know that a person with high self-esteem, living with an abundant mindset is emotionally more stable than those with a scarcity mindset. The benefits of emotional intelligence are many if we manage them so as to be in control of our actions eventually. A person with wise thoughts, emotions and actions has a very good perceived value in the society, and possesses what is otherwise known as emotional currency.

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