MIKE'S MUSING - A TIME FOR REFLECTION

With Veterans Day just a few weeks behind us, several unit commemorations recently, and the Holidays approaching, it’s a time for reflection. These events often bring us back together to share the good times and sometimes difficult ones. But we usually don’t talk about the hard times. Each of us carries those differently. The good news is found in the camaraderie—the shared understanding and connection we experience when we’re together. Yet, afterward, when the gatherings end and we’re left alone with our thoughts, the weight of reflection can creep in. Memories of those lost, the challenges we’ve faced, and the realization that, for some, the most defining times of our lives might feel like they’re behind us. That letdown can be daunting. It is for me.

But when that happens, I remind myself that I’m not alone. I lean on those who’ve been through it with me—often without them even knowing. I know those guys will always be there for me, always, no matter what. They don’t need to tell me; I just know. I know that I have family and friends who rely on me in big and very small ways, who care about me. I don’t need constant reminders to believe that. And when it feels like too much, I’ve learned that the best way to help myself is to help others. Helping others isn’t about seeking recognition; it’s a way to find purpose and strength. Sometimes, when we look back at our service, the impact didn’t come from grand gestures or accolades. It came from the little things: the shared moments of struggle and survival, the bonds forged in adversity, the trust that was built in silence.

With the holidays coming up, I hope we can all focus on the good we can do for others, big and small. It’s those simple acts of kindness and support that can help lift us out of difficult times and keep the spirit of service alive. A fellow veteran once shared something with me that resonated deeply: “It’s not about empathy or making excuses. It’s about understanding that you don’t fully understand—consideration, not judgment.” Human connection and interaction are always unique, and successful relationships come from trying to see things through someone else’s eyes. That must always be a two-way street.

If you have a Combat Veteran in your family and you don’t like their moods or behavior around the holidays, please consider these six things:

1. Your combat veteran has served in countries where people are blessed to receive a tattered pair of shoes or have clean water to drink; he/she no longer lives the “first world illusion” and no longer cares that if you buy one PlayStation, you can get a second one for fifty percent off. In fact, they find it hard to appreciate any of the gluttonous commercialism and overindulgence that permeates American holidays. Standing watch, boring as it was, had so much more purpose than going to the mall.

2. Your Combat Veteran is thankful for the most basic things; not thankful for mega-sales and million-dollar parades. They are thankful to be alive, thankful to have survived both the wars far away and the wars they struggle with inside.

3. Your Combat Veteran is thankful that it wasn't them that got killed or wishes that it was them that got killed instead or is torn painfully between the two. Either way, their celebrations are forever complicated by guilt and loss over those who died. Some of the most thankful times in their life (lucky to be alive) were some of the scariest. Their feelings of thanks and celebration often conjure up memories that are equally painful.

4. Your Combat Veteran is not like you anymore. At some point, for some period of time, their entire life boiled down to just three simple things: when will I eat today, when will I sleep today, and who will I have to kill or will try to kill me today?

5. Your Combat Veteran does not need a guilt trip or a lecture; they already feel detached in their grief while others so easily embrace the joy of the season. They need understanding and space; empathy not sympathy.

6. Your Combat Veteran does love his/her family and is thankful for the many blessings in their life…and they are thankful for you.