Middle School Mindset

For over a decade, and through different roles, I have been in elementary, middle, and high school classrooms. Throughout all these years, classroom management and culture have been a natural strength and focus. This passion for behavior drastically improved during my early years after reading Nudge, by Nobel Laureate Richard H. Thaler, and Cass R. Sunstein following a deep dive into behavioral economics. I was now on a mission to improve day-to-day interactions in social and professional settings as I understood the why behind many of our reactions and responses. I created professional development sessions on Behavior, Biases and Heuristics, Relational Conflict, Feedback, and Cultural (mis)Understandings in the classroom and the workplace. This knowledge came after creating and developing a program for students in Special Education that have been diagnosed with Emotional Disturbance, Specific Learning Disabilities, and/or Other Health Impairments that are typically ADHD, OCD, etc. The program focused on teaching SEL through differentiated behavioral support that catered to their diagnosis with implemented accommodations and modifications based on their IEP (Individual Education Program) which is the legal document that outlines the services and supports a student in special education needs to succeed in school.

I believe adults are just a bigger or older version of kids. The daily interactions and struggles that our students face today are not so different than those we encounter as professionals. They vary, obviously, but only a few degrees. For example, if I were to tell you that Chris who is in seventh grade talked back to his teacher and is now on the detention list and is quite mad since he feels it was unfair, would you be able to relate to him? Let's imagine you were never in detention. Would your opinion favor the teacher? What if you did experience being in detention while in middle school or high school, would your argument support Chris, or maybe both? Now, what in the green Shire does this example have to do with you who is an adult that has serious responsibilities and works for an important company? Let me explain.

Our students, unlike some out there who have it all figured out, oftentimes have difficulty solving complex issues, are still learning to self-regulate, want to feel part of their community, desire to eat better and exercise, want to improve personally to secure a brighter future, fail to meet professional and personal deadlines from time to time, disagree with regulations, and, sometimes have no clue how to meet someone new or start a relationship and be loved or accepted. Sound familiar? Good, we're closer to understanding the so-called "no-clue" generation that will succeed us.

We can agree that every generation believes the previous one had it easier. Also, and most importantly, we tend to denounce every new generation coming up have no clue about life and the values we grew up or were inculcated with. All our perceptions have some truth to them, so each generation is somewhat right, but marking these differences only separates us from clarity and unity, and I am not talking about holding hands and singing songs while we frolic through the Austrian pastures with the von Trapp family. Rather, if we analyze the fault in our observations, we can identify a recurring pattern; we tend to think and work in generational silos, and we have not even touched cultural practices in the workplace, and unless you are in change management, DEI, or behavioral sciences, you prefer to criticize those individuals that just do not get it rather than instruct and improve the emotional and subjective environment. I do not blame you. It is a very difficult task. Nudging mindsets takes a bigger effort to, well...nudge, no matter the age.

What if it could be easier? If it could be explained to you in the way you learn, the way you understand? Would it be less difficult then? Would you be more open to try and separate the behavior from the individual? Would you be more lenient or empathetic to see the other's view point, perspective, or story? Finally, would you wish to learn to listen to understand rather than respond? To be less triggered when a co-worker or boss confronts you in a way you did not appreciate, or to ignore that family member at Thanksgiving dinner that says those political remarks that share no value with yours and end up standing outside in the cold like Ben Affleck (that is a meme kids these days use to express discomfort in a situation you wish you did not partake but are stuck in nonetheless). C'mon, try to keep up, boomer!

Let us go back to Chris from seventh grade. After giving him space and time to de-escalate, he was able to share he had not had a good night sleep, and even worse, was dumped by his two-week girlfriend this morning during breakfast at the cafeteria. Turns out, someone told her that he was allegedly talking to a classmate that his now ex-girlfriend has pork with. Pork is just as arbitrary as the term beef to insinuate disagreement or quarrel, so "don't @ me!" Anyways, after serving his detention, Chris was able to apologize to his teacher for talking back and wanted her to understand it was never an intention to disrespect her, he just did not know how to self-regulate in the moment and reacted by taking the frustration of what had been happening to him, on her. His teacher, told Chris she accepted his apology, and to try let her know beforehand when he is not at his best so she can give him some space. They both immediately started dancing and singing "My Favorite Things" together and never had a misunderstanding again. Ah, I love it when art imitates life.

Are you seeing some connections here? Have you ever had a bad day, or a moment where you could not think clearly and used the wrong system within your brain's mechanics? You reacted, or what behavioral economists refer to as automatic system instead of responding and using your reflective system. We've all been there. Chris, who can be considered a kid, went through what we may encounter in our personal life and workplace as relational conflict. "Um, I don't talk back to my boss or get detention, Jose!" Might be, but we do go through misunderstandings, gossip, messiness, break-ups, biased opinions and actions, and/or rely on heuristics to confirm or deny the stories we have created about others, because it is easier than reflecting on how we contributed to the complication. It is rarely a possibility of the other being right, rather, the denial of us being wrong. It is not just teenagers who feel they know everything.

My practice for the previous decade has been the belief and understanding of the phrase, which I will paraphrase as, better governance is less coercion and more freedom to choose. These options come from "choice architecture," term coined by Thaler and Sunstein, which has been a reliable practice when dealing with escalated teenagers, and even offended professionals, but we will go deeper with this term throughout the series. It is more a science than an art, but with three easy payments of $39.99 a month, you too can learn how to de-escalate like the pro's. Never feel insulted again!

It certainly does not work that way, and there are no payments involved, at least not of monetary value. The workplace is stressful as it is with the daily, weekly, and quarterly goals and responsibilities, why add relational conflict and mess to that stress in an already possible toxic workplace? With this series called Middle School Mindset, I will share common interactions that are seen in a typical middle school classroom, hence the name, and how it relates to the professional setting through the lens of behavioral economics, hoping it can help you understand how to navigate unwanted or undesired situations.