Middle-Age: Not-So-Physical Health

Who Are You?

Have you ever got up one morning and looked in the mirror and gasped at what you saw? You look at the imposter staring back at you and realize she/he does look a little familiar. And then the fog clears and you come to terms with the fact that you are now in your MIDDLE-AGE.

I remember when my mom was in her middle-age and she was gabbing with some girlfriends of hers. They didn't notice I was listening and I heard all their lamenting about the changes their bodies were making. I remember thinking what were they bellyaching about. All of them looked fine to me. (At 10 years old I thought I was a good enough expert)

Now that I am at that point in my life I can feel what they were feeling. I stretch my skin under my chin so that I can see my jaw bone once again. (Okay, phew it's still there!) Pull back at the out corner of my eyebrows to see what my eyes used to look like. And we will not "go there," on the new stomach I have.

So yeah, middle-age has a host of challenges physically. But today I am going to talk about the mental changes we go through. Because this can and does affect our physical changes too.

Mental Health

It still is a stigma for us 40 something year olds to say we need help with our mental health. You would think that by 2023 we would be evolved enough to be okay with it. And sure there are plently of mental health advocates out there, slogans, and t-shirts you can buy. But the truth of the matter is that for us Gen X'rs it's still a "thing."

I remember my husband saying, "why does everyone say "my meds." Why do they say it so flippantly?" What he didn't realize was, that for us that have to take medicine to not go homicidal on everyone around us, creating a slang made it feel more normal. Even though, everyone around us were agreeing that we should talk more about mental health, they still didn't want to be the one who had mental health issues.

For a long time growing up it was thought that if you had depression or even anxiety, you didn't admit it. Even if you were on medicine for it. People would wonder if it was an "act" or for real.

"Was she just doing that for the attention?"

Now, I do realize that some people with mental health fall into a category where they do act out for attention. But for the majority, we'd rather not have this feeling. For those of us that have contemplated not being here, we usually don't talk about it. We laugh and have a good time. Sometimes being the life of the party to mask what is going on inside. When we decide it's time, nobody will know. Because if they don't know then they can't stop us.

How to Get Help

I know that sounds morbid but it's the truth. So, how do we get help if we don't want to tell anyone? Thankfully, since the pandemic there are more tele-options. Where you can literally go on an app or talk to a therapist online. You don't need to tell anyone, if your not comfortable with it. The important thing is to take that step in finding someone.

Your first visit to a therapist is the hardest. I know I just sat there not knowing what to do. Do I just start talking? Do I wait for her to ask questions? What if I start crying? I hate crying in front of people! A good therapist will warm you up with just getting to know you. A note about the therapist: If you do not jive with who you have, DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT stick with that person. You need to feel comfortable with the person so that you can tell them anything. That's the only way they will know how to help you.

Most recommend journaling while going to a therapist. I think a good idea in journaling is to write your thoughts down about the therapy sessions you have. Did you feel better after each one? What did you want to do after the session ended? Were you looking forward to going back? What types of coping tools are you going to start using?

This helps you take control of your therapy and track your progress. Write down the good points a therapist gives you so that when you are in a "flare down," (it's what I like to call when you are spiraling downward with negative thoughts) you can look over your notes.

Other Helpful Tips

Recognizing that medicine does not "take away" depression or anxiety is also key. It helps. So, if you want to get better you need to also put in some effort. "I went to the freakin' therapist! Isn't that effort?" You may think. And yes it is. But it's only the start. To truly feel better you need to work at it. Just like exercise will help our physical fitness, certain things we can do will help our mental fitness.

For example, exercise improves mental health by reducing anxiety, depression, and negative mood and by improving self-esteem and cognitive function.This has been proven by multiple studies. And it doesn't have to be a crazy, "I'm gonna pump you up," kind of exercise. 30-minutes of brisk walking 3 days a week can create this result. But if you enjoy more weights or zumba exercise- go for it.

Another thing we hear a lot of lately is self-care. Especially, mom's have a hard time with this part. But it is true; that if you don't take care of you then you won't be able to take care of others. Whether it's a massage, getting your nails done, or just taking time for yourself and go to the park and read a book. The important part is that you are taking some time for just "you." (My guilty pleasure is to go to a park and read.)

And of course, beauty products can give you a little endorphin boost. This doesn't mean you go buy the most expensive masks, lotions, or shampoos that are out there. Do according to your personal budget. Maybe it's making your own scrub, which I have done for use in the salon. There are tons of home-made recipes on Pinterest that uses common ingredients you'd have in the cupboard.

Everyone tells you: "It's Okay." When they find out that you have mental health challenges. And it truly is. Our brains are not making the neuron connections it's suppose to. It's the same as if someone had diabetes. They don't make insulin. Our bodies are imperfect. But if a diabetic person does not go to the doctor they will end up dead. The same can happen for someone with mental illness. It's not anybody's fault when our bodies don't function like they are suppose to.

Being strong is getting help and doing the things we've already talked about. It's easy to sleep all day and not do anything for our mental health. Or ignore that we need help and go until we breakdown. But that is not going to get rid of our problem and it will be a detriment to our bodies. If you're reading this and it's hitting home, just know that I believe in you. And if nobody has told you lately: I love you. And because I love you, I want what's best for you. So, let's take care of our mental health together.