Mid-Life Crisis or Mid-Life Opportunity. Which will it be?

“In the second half of life, our old compasses no longer work. The magnetic fields alter. The new compass that we need cannot be held in our hand, only in our heart. We read it not with our mind alone, but with our soul” 

~ Mark Gerzon?        

I was first introduced to the concept of life in two halves in 2017 while Jodi (my wife) and I were on our annual new year’s road trip to Cannon Beach, Oregon (love that place). We were listening on Audible to Richard Rohr’s book, Falling Upward – A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life, which had been recommended by a trusted friend and colleague. We hit play after our customary Trader Joe’s stop for Apricot Stilton, Cookie Butter and Everything but the Bagel seasoning. We were immediately drawn in -- the 7-hour trip seemed to pass in no time. At the time we were both one year into our 50’s and there was no denying we were likely past the midpoint. We were both comfortable and uncomfortable with that at the same time. As a point of interest, the average life expectancy in Canada is 84 for women (81 in the US) and 79.9 for men (76 in the US). I’m no math whiz, but that places life’s midpoint at approx. 42 for women and 39.95 for men.?Apologies to those I’ve caught off-guard with this.

Since that road trip, I’ve done a fair amount of reading on the topic and have dedicated my master’s thesis to the topic of Ageing Positively and Mid-Life Opportunity (vs Crisis). The quick summary:

If the first half of life is a social journey, a quest for identity, the second half of life is more of a spiritual journey, a quest for meaning. In the first half, we go to school, we build careers, we earn, we strive, we grow networks, some build families, we start social circles, we discover our unique strengths and seek to zero in on our purpose and passion. And, quite often our mindset, belief system and values are most informed by our family of origin. Let’s call the first half of life our learning lab.???

"One cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life’s morning; for what was great in the morning will be of little importance in the evening, and what in the morning was true will at evening become a lie." 

~ C.G. Jung?        

In the second half of life, we work to understand, absorb and reconcile much of what’s happened in the first. In his book Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life, author James Hollis Ph. D suggests that in the first half we are working to answer the question, What is the world asking of me? Whereas, in the second half, we work to answer the question, What is my soul asking of me? In the second half, we move away from rules and towards principles, we learn to hold seemingly opposite concepts in tension as discover we can be both objective and optimistic, future-focused and present, confident and humble, slow thinking and fast acting, introspective and outward-focused, careful and courageous. And, we can experience pain and joy simultaneously.

We learn to embrace the best and worst of our upbringing, to accept the fumbles and successes of our first half and recognize both provide opportunities for learning, growth, healing, grace and reconciliation. We allow ourselves the freedom to choose which elements of our first half we’ll bring with us to our second half and which we’ll leave behind.??

The second half can feel intimidating as it lacks the structure of the first. We’re often left to figure it our on our own. Because of this, sometimes we can get stuck in first half living, delay and possibly even avoid making the transition to second half thinking.?This ‘failure to launch’ can result in what is commonly known as a midlife crisis, often manifesting as working harder to achieve and/or acquire more and fill voids of all types.

"The first half of life is devoted to forming a healthy ego, the second half is going inward and letting go of it."

~ C.G. Jung.        

Reframe:?Mid-Life Opportunity

The second half of life provides each of us the opportunity to leverage the hindsight of the first. We can step more deeply and confidently into who we are and focus on the relationships and pursuits that are most important to us.?We can also let go of those things that have kept us from doing so.

Some questions to help guide your journey (adapted from James Hollis)

• What forces, family, faith systems, social environments, and work constructs have framed your reality, perhaps supported it, perhaps constricted it?
• Whose life have you been living?
• Why, even when things are going well, do things not feel quite right?
• How are you doing when it comes to ‘listening to your soul’??What could happen if you were to focus more of your time there?
• What do you need to do to ensure you don’t gravitate in the direction of a mid-life crisis and move actively towards embracing the opportunity your second half provides???

I’m thankful for the friend who recommended that first book to us. This work has been invigorating and life-giving. It has led me to some of my most important life and career decisions. I came to acknowledge that no one was coming to do this work for me and it likely wouldn’t happen by accident (although sometimes life has a funny way of catching our attention).?My hope is your interest may be likewise ignited to explore the opportunities that await you in your second half. I believe that with intention and the benefit of hindsight, our second half can be richer than our first. Your best years are not behind you - they await you.

Peace and joy on your journey.?

About Peter Reek

Peter has built a career in marketing, consultation and recruitment.?In 2017, he discovered the world of coaching and is now a leadership coach and founder of Leaderboard Exchange, a leadership and executive recruitment company.?Peter is also the founder of the soon to launch (2023), Uprising.Co - a company that will provide learning experiences, coaching, retreats, products and resources designed specifically for people in or approaching the second half of their lives. Uprising will help people hit pause, take stock, recalibrate, recast and/or reunite with earlier visions.??