It was the mid 80s. I had just watched the Blue Peter Christmas Show and I told my Mum I was leaving home…

Which was probably a shock for lots of reasons. Mainly because I hadn’t been at primary school very long, I had recently had a fringe cut which required a team effort of maintenance and I regularly needed to drag chairs dangerously across rooms to climb on to get stuff. Still do to be fair.

I would love to say, I was wearing a Drew Barrymore esque taffeta number as that styling would have likely heightened my announcement as I entered the kitchen but in truth, I was probably in a velour tracksuit with a side of spaghetti hoops down the front. I don’t have the exact outfit in mind, but I sense I would have added a bag to show my intention and commitment to the move.

Me: I want to live in Blue Peter

Mum: Ohhhh, did you like the Christmas show? (No judgement- love it)

Me: How do I do that? All of that?

Mum: Well lots of people go to stage school to train when they are older

Me: How old?

Mum: 18! (Wise Mum… very wise)

Me: * Mentally works out the difference between current age and 18 and mentally goes into countdown mode*

P.S Spoiler alert, I did go to drama school at 18.

I remember the walk from the telly to the kitchen. I remember the vague outline of the conversation but mainly I remember the feeling. The whole hearted yes. This moment switched the first switch in my body and quickly every part of me lit up like one of those Christmas houses that you slow drive past.

There was no rhyme or reason to it. There was no sense of how or even if it was possible. I had never been on a stage at this point. I certainly wasn’t talking about talent, agents, connections or building a career. I was excited I had a brand new brother. I had recently nailed my Fisher Price clip on roller shoes and could stop without falling over. I liked eating hot dogs with my Granny on a beach that were kept warm until we were ready in a Thermos flask (Granny O- the original picnic hacker).

I have felt that feeling a lot in my life. When you just know. Everything feels connected. There is no logic. It feels like the idea has been planted within you but not by you but you know it is absolutely yours. There is a pull and a fizz and curiosity.

I equally am very familiar with the opposite. The absolute no. No way. No thank you. Not now, not ever and you can’t convince me otherwise… or can you?!

Often I have listened and acted upon the extreme feelings I have experienced… the big yes, the big no.

But sometimes I haven’t. I have ignored that feeling. I have been distracted. I have been swayed. I haven’t felt worthy. I was too polite. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I didn’t realise that I could give an opposing answer to everyone else. I questioned if it was possible and when the ‘way’ wasn’t obvious, I convinced myself, it wasn’t meant for me.

I’m sure we’ve all done our own versions of all this. We’ve experienced times in our lives where we have been in such alignment and steady confidence in our actions. On the other hand; days, weeks, months and years where we question everything; our choices, our preferences, our self belief, our direction, our identity etc etc

?wanted to share this today as the next few weeks will likely bring a change of pace and routine (I hope you get some big kips in at

some point).

Moving away from your desk, or your weekly to-do list will open up space. Seeing different people or doing different things will bring a new perspective (I know not all of those meetings or activities are always easy).

Perhaps having some slow days will bring some quiet to your mind and welcome some reflective thoughts.

There will be so many clues that will be ready to land and be delivered to you over the next few weeks, so pay attention to them all. Notice what you like. What bring joy? What sparks your attention. What brings a sense of calm or just feels like you.

Even welcome the ugly ones - the ones you may have to have sitting quietly in a dark room and mutter ‘I am never doing this again’.

Before you go near old magazines with some scissors and washi tape to cut out random pictures of beaches or laughing people you’ve never met , tune in to you. Notice the feelings. They are always trying to tell you something.

Big love, Nicky x

P.S If you would like to do this work with me here or find out more about goal setting here