Microsoft 365 Copilot MBA App Prompt 15: Channel your inner Kayne West by reducing wordiness in your MBA application personal essays

This is for my personal account and not a content piece for Microsoft.

“Sometimes people write novels and they just be so wordy and so self-absorbed,” Kanye West. (Source: Reuters , 2009: "Proud non-reader" Kanye West turns author | Reuters)?

Prompt 15 Format

Part 1:?

Please list [insert number] ways to reduce wordiness in writing.?

Part 2:

Please simplify the following [insert type of text] by [insert as many responses from the Prompt 15 Part 1 response as needed]: [insert MBA application essay]

Prompt 15 Example

Part 1:

My Question: Please list 10 ways to reduce wordiness in writing

Microsoft Copilot :

• Use concise language: Opt for precise and direct words that convey your message succinctly. Avoid unnecessary adjectives and adverbs. Example: "He ran quickly" can be shortened to "He sprinted."
• Eliminate redundant phrases: Remove words or phrases that repeat the same information. Example: "I saw it with my own eyes" can be simplified to "I saw it."
• Avoid excessive modifiers: Minimize the use of multiple modifiers before a noun. Choose the most relevant and impactful one. Example: "The large, magnificent, and beautiful mansion" can be shortened to "The beautiful mansion."
• Use active voice: Write sentences in active voice instead of passive voice to make them more concise and direct. Example: "The report was written by him" can be changed to "He wrote the report."
• Remove unnecessary prepositional phrases: Eliminate prepositional phrases that don't add essential information to the sentence. Example: "The book on the table" can be simplified to "The book."
• Avoid wordy expressions: Replace wordy phrases with shorter alternatives. Example: "In spite of the fact that" can be replaced with "Although."
• Remove filler words: Take out filler words such as "just," "very," "really," and "basically" that don't contribute significantly to the meaning of the sentence. Example: "I'm just really tired" can be shortened to "I'm tired."
• Simplify complex sentences: Break down long and convoluted sentences into shorter, more straightforward ones. Example: "Although he had studied hard for the exam, he couldn't remember all the information, which made him feel anxious" can be divided into "He studied hard for the exam. However, he couldn't remember all the information, which made him feel anxious."
• Use contractions: Replace formal expressions with contractions to reduce wordiness. Example: "I am going to" can be contracted to "I'm going to."
• Proofread and revise: Carefully review your writing to identify and eliminate any unnecessary words or phrases that don't contribute to the clarity or meaning of the text.

Note about the next essay: I used the following prompt to write the next essay as an example to use for this prompt exercise. “Please write a personal essay from the perspective of a restaurant owner looking to use their MBA to transition into investment banking that answers the following question: [How do you plan to use 美国宾夕法尼亚大学 - 沃顿商学院 MBA program to help you achieve your future professional goals? You might consider your past experience, short and long-term goals, and resources available at 美国宾夕法尼亚大学 - 沃顿商学院 .]”?

Part 2:

My Question: Please simplify the following text by using concise language, eliminating redundant phrases, avoiding excessive modifiers, using active voice, removing filler words, and simplifying complex sentences:?

[As a passionate restaurant owner with dreams reaching beyond the culinary realm, I am thrilled to share my vision for leveraging 美国宾夕法尼亚大学 - 沃顿商学院 MBA program to propel myself into the exhilarating world of investment banking. Drawing upon my past experience and fueled by my short and long-term goals, I am confident that the resources available at Wharton will serve as a transformative catalyst in achieving my professional aspirations.

Throughout my journey as a restaurant owner, I have developed a deep understanding of business operations, financial management, and customer satisfaction. These invaluable experiences have honed my analytical skills, instilled in me a tireless work ethic, and nurtured a relentless drive for success. However, my aspirations extend beyond the realm of gastronomy, and I am eager to apply my existing skills and knowledge to the dynamic field of investment banking.

In the short term, my goal is to gain a comprehensive understanding of investment banking fundamentals and financial markets. The Wharton MBA program's rigorous curriculum, renowned faculty, and immersive learning opportunities will equip me with the essential knowledge and strategic insights required for success in this competitive industry. By delving into courses such as Corporate Finance, Investment Management, and Financial Derivatives, I will develop a robust foundation in financial analysis, risk assessment, and portfolio management, all vital skills in the investment banking landscape.

Looking ahead to the long term, my vision is to assume a leadership role in a prominent investment banking firm, where I can leverage my MBA education, entrepreneurial spirit, and diverse experiences to drive transformative growth and deliver exceptional value to clients. With the guidance of Wharton's extensive alumni network and career resources, I am confident in my ability to secure coveted internships and forge connections within the industry. These invaluable opportunities will allow me to gain hands-on experience, broaden my professional network, and position myself for a successful transition into investment banking upon graduation.

Furthermore, the Wharton MBA program offers a wealth of resources that will bolster my journey. The Wharton Finance Club, renowned for its industry connections and informative events, will provide me with a platform to engage with like-minded individuals and stay updated on the latest trends and developments in the financial world. Additionally, the Wharton Global Immersion Program will offer unique opportunities to explore international financial markets, broaden my global perspective, and cultivate valuable cross-cultural competencies, all of which are increasingly valuable in today's interconnected business landscape.

In conclusion, the Wharton MBA program is the key that unlocks a world of opportunities for me to achieve my future professional goals in investment banking. By building upon my past experiences as a restaurant owner, pursuing a robust curriculum, accessing invaluable resources, and leveraging the esteemed Wharton network, I am confident that I will gain the necessary expertise, industry exposure, and professional connections to thrive in the investment banking field. With passion, determination, and the support of Wharton's unparalleled educational ecosystem, I am poised to embrace this new chapter and make a lasting impact in the world of finance.]

Microsoft Copilot Response: As a passionate restaurant owner, I'm excited to leverage the Wharton MBA program to enter the world of investment banking. Drawing from my experience and driven by my goals, I believe the resources at Wharton will transform my career.

Through my journey as a restaurant owner, I've gained a deep understanding of business operations, finance, and customer satisfaction. These experiences have sharpened my analytical skills and instilled a strong work ethic. I now aim to apply my knowledge to the dynamic field of investment banking.

In the short term, my goal is to grasp investment banking fundamentals and financial markets. Wharton's rigorous curriculum, distinguished faculty, and immersive learning opportunities will equip me with essential knowledge and strategic insights. Courses in Corporate Finance, Investment Management, and Financial Derivatives will build my expertise in financial analysis, risk assessment, and portfolio management.

Looking ahead, I envision leading a prominent investment banking firm, utilizing my MBA, entrepreneurial spirit, and diverse experiences to drive transformative growth and deliver value to clients. With Wharton's alumni network and career resources, I'm confident I can secure internships and forge industry connections. These opportunities will broaden my network, provide hands-on experience, and position me for a successful transition into investment banking.

Wharton offers a wealth of resources to support my journey. The renowned Wharton Finance Club connects me with industry peers and keeps me updated on financial trends. The Wharton Global Immersion Program offers unique chances to explore international markets, expand my perspective, and develop cross-cultural competencies.

In conclusion, 美国宾夕法尼亚大学 - 沃顿商学院 's MBA program opens doors for me to achieve my professional goals in investment banking. Building on my restaurant experience, accessing valuable resources, and leveraging Wharton's network, I'm confident I'll gain the expertise, exposure, and connections needed to thrive. With passion and determination, I'm ready to make a lasting impact in the finance world with the support of Wharton's exceptional educational ecosystem.