Micromanaging - Parenting vs Professional

“Did you brush your teeth? Deodorant? What about your hair, did you fix it? We only have 10 minutes, so make sure you are getting ready.” This is what I sound like in the mornings before work and school, and since our recent remodel of the upstairs bathrooms, I have been wanting to shout out even more directions than usual. I don’t like to consider myself a micromanager, but sometimes I put my need for order and control above my desire to be an effective developer of talent.??

Wow, that’s hard to put in writing, and I wonder if we were all being really honest with ourselves, would each of us have something so vulnerable that we could say.?

A lot of things in my professional life, I find myself reflecting on my leadership skills in the context of parenting. I don’t think that many people in my professional life would describe me as a micromanager, but for the three people who live under my roof, I believe it would be an entirely different performance assessment. In my house, I need to order and control.?

For the last 13 years, our family of four has been sharing the master bathroom to get ready in the mornings, so when we embarked on a renovation project which would allow each of the children to have their own bathrooms, it sounded like a dream. But what I have found in the first weeks is that my anxiety level getting ready in the morning is through the roof. I feel the constant urge to make sure they are getting ready. To check to make sure their teeth are being brushed, to give them some sort of countdown to make sure that they are on track and will not throw my day into a tailspin by taking too long. I had no idea that having the constant data of their progress of getting ready in the morning was feeding my need for order in control and with the writing of the final check to my contractor, I've lost the ability to see them while they get ready.?

Upon reflection, this is the exact feeling that the leaders who are begging people to return to the office likely feel every day. For years, they have been able to see what was happening, to visually check on progress, to find peace and comfort in knowing that they knew what was going on and then, in 2020, with the start of the pandemic and the rise of virtual technology, they have forever lost that ability to see the work happening.?

Sure, I can shout out to my children and make sure they are brushing their teeth, but are they really brushing their teeth…and are they doing a good job? Sure, I can remind them that we need to be walking out of the house at 7:05, but will they really be ready so we can actually leave the house at 7:05? Sure, I could run up and down those stairs dozens of times to check and see what is happening, but then I won’t be ready when it’s time to go.?

This is the problem. We ask leaders to ensure delivery of not only their own tasks but also all the tasks that are assigned to their team. Most of them (myself included) have come up with strategies to ensure overall success, but in many cases those strategies relied on physical proximity. This means that although we have proven over the last four years that as a professional society we can get the work done remotely, we still leave our leaders anxious and paranoid.?

Just like when I ask my teenager if he is completely ready, and then follow it up with a series of checklist questions in an attempt to identify a step that was missed, our leaders are being asked to take us at face value when we say that we have completed the tasks as assigned without having the ability to check in on.

I’ll admit that this was a long post, but it’s also one of the most vulnerable I have ever written. I have pushed hard against leaders who use their eyeballs, leaders who don’t trust their teams, leaders who just want their control back, but it wasn’t until stopped to reflect on the weakest part of my leadership (the people who live in my house) that I got a glimpse into what it must be like the very top of the largest corporations.?

If we want the world to change, we have to build that trust, it’s not a right that 's just handed to us because we have come of age or the technology now exists. It is going to take new experiences for our leaders to understand and fully embrace walking away from their tried and true tactics. I know I’m up for the challenge, are you?