A Method of Change, Part 3: Embody Your Change

When it comes to making meaningful change, knowing what you want is only half the equation. It's why New Year's resolutions often fail; if you're only looking at the end result, you're not making a plan to get there. To make your end goal a reality, you need a roadmap of specific, concrete steps that you can take to fulfill it.

In this article, we'll focus on the crucial work of embodying change. Now that you've expanded your awareness and clearly defined the change you want to make, you're primed to make that change happen.

We'll discuss crafting a powerful commitment statement, developing conditions of satisfaction, and ways to bring your commitment to life. Dedicating to this process and consistently applying these strategies will allow you to change your situation, get unstuck, and create the desired transformation.

James’s Journey: Overcoming Conflict Avoidance

To illustrate this process, I'll use the story of my client James, a founder and CEO who has been growing his company for the last four years. After securing a series A, the team began to scale, and James faced new challenges that didn't exist when his team was small and members were personally connected.

James described his concern, revealing his frustration at how the executive team wasn't moving fast enough and how he struggled to hold team members accountable. As we looked more closely at his experience, he realized he wasn't having direct conversations with his leaders and didn't feel the same level of trust and intimacy with a larger team. Conflict naturally occurred with more relationships to manage, making him profoundly uncomfortable. As a result, he found himself avoiding conflict altogether.

James avoided conflict because of his family background, where conflict generated anxiety and led to a loss of connection instead of an opportunity for both sides to be heard. We reframed conflict in the workplace as a way for his team to express themselves and feel their ideas were valid. James realized that by shifting his perspective, he could be more open and direct in his communication, embrace conflict, and hold his team accountable.

Here are the steps we took to embody this change:

Step 1: Craft a Statement of Commitment

Once we defined the outcome of the change James wanted, we crafted a statement of commitment.?

Importance of a Commitment Statement

A commitment statement is a potent declaration of change that anchors your vision for the future. It represents your passion, thoughts, and dedication to your end goal. A commitment statement transcends mere words on paper; it is a tangible expression of your desire and a guiding light illuminating your path to realizing the change you seek.

To overcome his conflict avoidance, James's commitment statement was:

"I am a commitment to being open and direct in my communication and creating space for conflict and disagreements to arise."

Your Turn

Write your commitment statement, starting with the phrase: "I am a commitment to…." Make sure your statement is big, bold, and edgy to break your current mindset and drive you forward.

Step 2: Establish Conditions of Satisfaction

Conditions of Satisfaction (COS) are specific, quantifiable results or milestones that signify the successful fulfillment of your commitment. These conditions offer a clear set of criteria to evaluate progress and determine whether your desired change has been realized. COS creates a roadmap for success by outlining the necessary steps to reach your objective and provides a tangible framework to keep you on track.

James’s COS

Here are the measurable outcomes that James decided would serve as COS for his commitment:

1. Culture of Trust by 1 Year: I commit to creating a culture of psychological safety across my exec team and company, where leaders feel they can be vulnerable in groups and openly share mistakes and weaknesses. A foundation of trust is critical for healthy debate. I'll measure this outcome by tracking the frequency of leaders asking for help and taking risks, and the degree of joy derived from working together as a team.
2. Engage in Conflict by 3 Months: I commit to physically leaning toward conflict, opening my body posture, and maintaining eye contact. I’ll measure this outcome by tracking the number of difficult conversations that I initiate 1:1 and in exec team meetings.?
3. Hold Each Other Accountable by 3 Months: I commit to creating a culture of accountability where we, as a team, hold each other accountable. I will measure this outcome by tracking the number of times team members provide feedback to each other, particularly when they notice that someone is not meeting their commitments.
4. Focus on Collective Results by 6 Months: I commit to creating a culture focused on collective results, not individual or team achievements. I will measure this outcome by tracking the number of times team members collaborate on projects and reallocate resources that benefit the company, not just themselves or their teams.

Your Turn

Using your commitment statement, identify specific and quantifiable COS to help you maintain focus, hold yourself accountable, and ultimately achieve the desired change.

Step 3: Embody Your Commitment Statement

We all have conditioned tendencies, automatic behaviors that appear when stressed or triggered. We develop these behaviors throughout childhood, which later show up in our soma, meaning expressed through the body. We learn these behaviors as a defense mechanism and while we come by them honestly, they often no longer serve us and can block us from fulfilling our commitment.

To change these behaviors, you need to not only be clear on your commitment and how you measure success, but you also need to develop the behaviors that embody the change.

For example, in moments of conflict or tension, James physically moved away from others, fading into the background for safety. A new behavior of leaning toward conflict, opening his body posture and maintaining eye contact was required to embody his commitment.

The Embodiment Process

Here is how to engage the process of embodiment when you are stressed and moving away from your commitment:

• Awareness: Notice when you are triggered, or something grabs you, and you automatically revert to old behaviors.
• Center yourself: Breathe, focus your attention on your core, and bring the height, depth, and width of your body into awareness. Take inventory of what your body is doing and feeling in the moment. Plant both feet firmly on the ground and feel yourself rooted. You are no longer in fight, flight, or freeze mode.?
• Restate your commitment: State your commitment and move with intention from that place.

Richard Strozzi-Heckler, founder of the Strozzi Institute , states it takes 300 repetitions of a new practice to save it to our muscle memory and 3,000 repetitions to transform the muscle memory into a new embodied behavior. Practice is everything.

Your Turn

When you are triggered or under pressure, do you:

• Move against others? Challenge, intimidate, or fight for safety.
• Move away from others? Avoid conflict, procrastinate, or isolate for safety.
• Move towards others? People-please, perfect, or get close for safety.

Tips on Bringing Your Commitment to Life

Since you're most likely breaking a behavior pattern you've practiced for years, maybe even decades, give yourself some grace while staying focused on your commitment.

Here are some tips that can help you make your commitment come to life:

• Incorporate keywords from your commitment into your password. If you think about the number of times a day you’re prompted to enter your password, that’ll be the number of times you remind yourself of your commitment.
• Reconnect with your commitment on Monday when you review your plan for the week. Then praise yourself on Friday for the ways you embodied your commitment.
• Stack one of your embodiment practices on top of a habit you already do every day.
• Use a visual cue to remind and reinforce the fulfillment of your commitment. This could be a key phrase written on a sticky note posted to your laptop or an object on your desk.
• Share your commitment statement with everyone on your team so they can support you.

Conclusion

Embodying change is the essential final step in personal and professional growth. Remember, transformation requires conscious awareness , clear definition , and consistent effort.

As you embrace these principles and actively work towards your goals, you'll find yourself making progress and, ultimately, bringing the change you envision to life.

I'd love to know what you're working on! Please share your commitment with me in the comments, and I'll offer a tip.