A Message On World Mental Health Day

Dear friends, today, October 10th, is World Mental Health Day. I must share a few thoughts on this topic with all of you.

I often feel like an appropriate messenger around these topics because many people, kindly, tell me I'm amongst or the most positive and happy person they know. That is true - I am what you think I am. However, achieving that happiness takes a sound approach and has taken me down more complex roads than you might think.

1. The Stigma

Even in 2023, there is still enormous stigma around mental health, particularly within certain cultures, work, and other settings. Many places don't offer coverage for professional help or medication. Many, even if they support seeking help, have a short-term tolerance for something that needs to be "fixed," not realizing many live with mental health challenges, just as they would physical health challenges, for a lifetime. Many family and friends feel embarrassed to have a relative mention that they are having challenges with their mental health or that they are seeking help, even if this should be seen as a major sign of strength rather than weakness.

Easily a third, and perhaps as many as half, of the people I am closest to (family, friends, co-workers) have experienced some type of challenge to their mental health in their life, even if you wouldn't know it as an outsider. An incredibly high percentage of those same people have sought some form of therapy or other help for those situations, although they are usually unlikely to talk about it, often because they are embarrassed, believe it signifies weakness, or are worried as to what others will think of them. People's quests for their best mental health is around us each day - we often simply choose to ignore it or they shield this from our view.

It is sad to think how many people I have seen whose lives have fallen into much greater hardship or even grave ends when talk therapy, medication, or other interventions could have significantly improved or saved their lives. What kind of a world is this where people are made to feel more concerned about embarrassment than, at the extremes, saving their own lives?

2. The Layers

I am lucky to have grown up in a family with two loving parents who also, still, love each other. Beyond this, I have a very large extended family, two best friends I've known for over 30 years each, a loving wife, and countless friends. I depend on all of these people to keep me the way I am in many ways: phone calls, texts, notes, small gestures of kindness. You need layers for mental health.

You may not have as many people in your life or those people may not be as present during various stages in your life. I have found the secret is to always seek more layers, even if this means stepping outside your comfort zone or into activities or social groups that you might not have otherwise. The layers have helped me more than almost anything and I fell astray once when, briefly, my layers were weak.

3. The Outside

Don't assume that just because someone seems fine and joyful on the outside that that is how they actually feel on the inside. If someone is in the right state of mind and you've built up trust, you can start to know that is true. But outward appearances can be deceptive. There is no magic solution here but I have tried constantly to ask those I care about how they are, to check in often, to create organic moments to let them know they are loved and that I care about them. As an aside, I AM completely great - what you see is what you get - but there was a brief period in my life were that wasn't entirely true.

4. The Support

When I lived in New York City, there were 1.5 years where I felt very down. I was by myself, I had limited family and friends there, and I had not met my wife yet. I was simply very lonely after being surrounded by others my whole life, even in college, and I was working too much to spend time with others.

In that situation, I found three things helped me, one more unorthodox:

• The first was seeing a therapist once every 2 weeks for those 1.5 years.
• The second was to make more time to see family and friends, at any cost.
• The last was to build friendships in World of Warcraft. Believe it or not, that social presence in my life gave me some structure and happiness until I could get my life going back in the direction I wanted.

I am so happy I sought support, as I felt all better at the end of those 1.5 years. I'm also so lucky that my parents were totally supportive and comfortable talking about it. But, once again, not everybody finds such a clean cut solution or has a similarly comfortable support network. We need to be realistic and respect this reality. We shouldn't see mental health as something that is necessarily "cured" in a binary fashion after some length of time.

I also should note that we can all try to help those we care about but we have trained mental health experts and professionals for a reason. If you really need help, see a professional. Many people may have a point in life where they can't solve things themselves or just by talking with a loved one. For most, our partner or parents or others aren't our therapists and it isn't fair to expect them to serve that role.

5. The Search

I see the quest for happiness as one of fine-tuning the situations and people in your life that make things feel the best and being honest with yourself about what those things are that you need. Others may not understand, but who cares?

For me and my wife most recently, that search involved moving back to Connecticut near our parents. In my past life, this meant finding my soulmate, working in games eventually, and having the life I wanted with my kids, family, and friends.

Remote work wasn't some talking point to me: it was the only option to be happy, although just one part of the solution - the ultimate enabler. More money or titles? Others' perceptions of me? I couldn't care less.

Never stop searching and have confidence that you know what is best for you more than anybody else.

6. The Safety Valve

Always know when your soul needs that escape. Need a recovery day because you're fried? Do it. If others around you don't understand, they aren't the right people for your life. Need a longer break from work because you want time with your family, and you can afford to do it? Take it. Does your career just not feel right? Change it.

Some of these things are small, some are big, some easy, some hard. But you should always at least point yourself in the direction of the things that get you to maximum happy. Heck - I pointed myself in the direction of a career in games for over 15 years and I sought out my wife until I was nearly 30. There is nothing wrong with the long game, but you always need to have a direction on behalf of your mental health.

7. The Payback

I am aware every single day of how many tens of thousands of people have touched my life and kept me the happy and bubbly Amir you know (and, I hope, love). This is why I see my life as a mission to pay back my gratitude each day in kindness to all of you, even those friends I haven't met yet, even though I know I can never do it.

8. And Finally

I know some say happiness is a choice, and I get that way of thinking. But as someone who is very cheerful, I see happiness more as something you work at and plan for each day with the support of others. Never get complacent about taking care of your mental health just as you would your physical health. Here's to everybody's best mental health all the time!