A message to menfolk

This seems a good place to write it as well as any other so I will put it here. This is a clarion call to men to think more about how we treat the women around us.

One of the things that still shocks me to this day is the amount of harassment that women face on a day to day basis. In all areas of their life. Personally and professionally. Too often people, especially us men, don't either talk enough about it or we try to play it down.

In a recent conversations with some menfolk in my life the subject of #MeToo came up. Some of the guys who I spoke to couldn't understand why after years of holding their voices women would speak up about sexual assault or harassment. They felt that people who were making accusations against people like Cosby, Kavanaugh, Trump, etc were being vindictive. Why didn't they do it before? Why wait till now?

They also proclaimed that they felt very nervous around women. They couldn't pay women compliments, ask them to smile or do anything in case it got them into trouble. I had to say to them that most women were probably grateful that they did keep quiet. They joked at me that I had forgotten what banter was and that I was pussywhipped. It is at this point where the conversation changed.

I told them how my eldest daughter is constantly harassed at her place of work. Guys claiming they "had never been with a black woman", "we could have something and noone has to know", often my men who a lot older than them, married or basically should know better. In addition I have told menfolk how my youngest teen daughter is now getting a lot more attention. Being called sexy by men twice her age and the discomfort and anxiety such unwarranted attention brings. Funnily enough many of those men wanted to arm up and take out those men without even missing the irony of such revenge tactics. Cognitive dissonance much.

In those conversations I talked about the amount of women who are both verbally and physically harassed on the way to work if they take public transport. How some women would rather pay the premium of driving and parking in large cities as opposed to exposing themselves to unwarranted attention. I told them that I am often left open mouthed at the stories of women who are subject to touching, groping and worse while travelling on London public transport by men. Apparently it's a norm across a number of major cities too.

For many of the men I mentioned, they don't realize the scope of this kind of harassment.

So why does this matter? Is it too serious? Why am I just targeting men?

This is not about calling out or making men feel bad. It's about getting us to realise how deep this issue is. We can talk about how inclusive we want to make our workplaces and communities but this is a modern reality of opression and harassment that women have to steel themselves against every single bloody day. Anxiety inducing stress and having to steel themselves each day, just in case.

Look, I have no concept of having to walk with keys between my knuckles while travelling in the dark. Or getting told to smile every day to make someone of the opposite sex feel better. Or having someone place their hand on my hip or hand as part of a general conversation. But for many this is a reality.

This post is about awareness. Knowing that until I got called on it myself that I didn't realise what some of us guys could deem as charming could make women feel very uncomfortable. It's about having forthright conversations with womenfolk about what makes them feel safer at work and in public. It's about finding out where we can stand in the gap to not let things just pass us by when we see harassment. It's about ensuring that women feel that they are treated equally and fairly.

I have a platform. I want to use it wisely. To address subjects that are often skirted over and in doing so not to make it so binary that people cannot express their view. My passion is about leadership and making sure we empower all on our journey of leadership. But part of leadership is also about listening. So I am here to listen too. I welcome yout thoughts.