A Message for Black History Month: The Difficult Gifts of Patience and Grace

For me, Black History Month is a time of hope — a pause in the year for me to join with others to honor the legacy of heroes who came before us and to follow our hearts as we keep striving to reach our goals.?

This is also a time for understanding. Talking about topics that may make us feel uncomfortable, like race, diversity, and inclusion, is one of the best ways to both honor Black history and forge a brighter future.?

As a Black leader in an industry where very few of my colleagues look like me, I've had a lot of experience wading through this often-uncomfortable territory. I've found a way to hold my own with my dignity intact while building bridges with people who don't understand my culture, outlook, and way of thinking. Here are a few of the things I've learned.

1. Create a safe space to make mistakes — and?

2. connections.

To make real progress in diversity, equity and inclusion, you need a forum to talk about it. At Roche, our YOUnity Discussion Circles and DEI Business Resource Groups provide a space for colleagues to engage in open, vulnerable conversations. I've seen firsthand the impact of these groups. For example, in one YOUnity discussion, a white colleague shared how his father, a policeman, shaped his perspective on issues around traffic-stop shootings. Hearing from several Black YOUnity participants helped him understand their point of view in ways he'd never considered before.?

Sometimes cultivating understanding is as simple as opening a door. For example, at Roche, we recently hosted three interns from the Minority Engineering Program of Indianapolis. During the internship program, I witnessed several of my white colleagues' embrace and mentor these young men, directly aiding in their maturation and development. Did the program change my colleagues' points of view? I don't know for sure. But many said they'd dedicated themselves to making a difference and connecting with people who were different from themselves.

3. Ignore stupidity.

Maya Angelou once said, "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time."?

I agree with that philosophy, with a caveat: I like to give people the benefit of the doubt — at least once. Here's a story to illustrate what I mean:

Recently, while at a high-end resort with my girlfriend, a woman approached me as I walked into the lobby.?

"Over here!" she said. "Here I am! Aren't you my driver?" (Yes, this is a true story.)

"No," I politely replied, "unfortunately, I'm not."?

In moments like this, which happen fairly frequently, I try not to react too quickly or harshly. Instead, I give myself and the offending person a little time.?

I've met a lot of good and bad people over the years, and I like to think I'm pretty good at telling the difference between a mistaken assumption and ill will. I try to be patient. On the other hand, I'm not patient with behavior that shows a pattern of insensitivity, hurtfulness, or discrimination. Like Maya Angelou, I'm a realist.?

What happened with that woman in the lobby? She fell into the awkward mistake category. She felt embarrassed. When I saw her later that day, she approached me and apologized profusely, and I offered my forgiveness.?

4. Practice patience and forgiveness.

This is where giving grace comes in. I believe in forgiving people, whether I know them or not. I try to see the good in people — to focus on the positive and allow for the fact that if someone is behaving poorly, I might have caught them on a bad day or at a bad moment.?

Giving grace in this context is about recognizing that we all have bad days and bad moments. That doesn't mean we're bad people. When you give people grace, you free yourself from a negative mindset. As Desmond Tutu has written, "We don't forgive for others. We forgive for ourselves." Forgiveness is an antidote for bitterness.

5. Know it's a journey.

True change in people's beliefs around inclusiveness happens slowly over time. As I've mentioned, it begins when we genuinely engage in open dialogue with people who are not like ourselves and when we experience different cultures and points of view.?

We all have unconscious biases. To overcome them requires reflection and curiosity. As author Timothy R. Clark writes, we need to seek honest feedback, be open to receiving it, and share feedback with others. We need to make To-Be Lists instead of just to-do lists and believe in our potential for transformation.

This year I've been celebrating Black History Month by speaking at Roche events, supporting Black businesses and entrepreneurs, donating to causes, and reading, watching, and listening to Black artists. Whatever you do to recognize this special month, I hope it inspires you.?