MERGERS & MARRIAGE: THE GREAT ACCELERATOR, KEY TO MAXIMUM SUCCESS IN MINIMUM TIME

Opening Disclaimer: Working with young leaders, I get asked the M&M question quite alot. So that I have a resource kit of where to refer them to and that I do not take all credit for it, I have decided to put it here for all our reference & critique so that we may share, educate, and learn from each others experiences and but most importantly list what is true to help you and I ultimately make the right choices, decisions and compromises. It is also bible based as that has alot of truth, wisdom & warnings on the subject of Mergers & Marriage (M&M).

Whether in marriage, business or just life in general; who you partner (merge) with has a great bearing on the adventure that is your journey to purpose as well as for those under your care.

NB: How to use this tool. For the bible verses (use your favorite bible app or https://www.biblegateway.com/ then select the Amplified Bible version (AMP) and then on the passage or key word dialogue box copy and paste the bible verse. (all bible verses are in AMP version Enjoy!

Contents

A.  PROVERBS 26 TELLS US OF PEOPLE WE SHOULDN’T MERGE (PARTNER) WITH:

B.   TO ACHIEVE SUCCESS IN PICKING THE RIGHT PARTNER: IT'S MORE OF AN INSIDE GAME THAN AN OUTSIDE ONE

C.   THE UPSIDE-DOWN KINGDOM: THIS IS THE COUNTERINTUITIVE NEW CREATION THAT JESUS CREATED THROUGH HIS BIRTH, DISCIPLESHIP, DEATH AND RESURRECTION..

D.  MERGER (PARTNERSHIP) CHECKLIST: NO OTHER MERGER (PARTNERSHIP) AFFECTS YOUR QUEST FOR PURPOSE THAN THE CHOICE OF WHO TO DATE OR MARRY.

E.  CONTRACTING & AGREEMENTS

F.  RELATED READS

i.   WOULD HE MAKE A GOOD HUSBAND FOR ME?.

a.   Character Basics:

b.   Assets:

c.   Danger signs:

ii.   WOULD SHE MAKE A GOOD WIFE FOR ME?.

a.   Character basics:

b.   Assets:

c.   Danger signs:

A.   PROVERBS 26 TELLS US OF PEOPLE WE SHOULDN’T MERGE (PARTNER) WITH:

1. [SELF-CONFIDENT] FOOLS & ARROGANTS

*don't deserve honor v1,8

*deserve punishment v3

*don't be like them in your response v4

*answer them with wisdom v5

*don’t hire them/trust them to represent you v6,10

*The Proverbs won't help them v7,9

*they don't learn/repeat their foolish actions v11

*they are wise in their own eyes v12

2. SLUGGARDS

*are full of excuses v13

*love sleep v14

*don't see obvious opportunities v15

*are wise in their own eyes v16

3. GOSSIPS

*fan quarrels leading to strife v20-21

*come across as very helpful but that's a disguise for evil v22-23

4. LIARS

*are political/kill you while pretending to be joking v18-19,

*are enemies with evil intentions v23

*if you check their references, you will find evidence of their past wickedness v24

*are driven by hate to desire the ruin of others v28

B.   TO ACHIEVE SUCCESS IN PICKING THE RIGHT PARTNER: IT'S MORE OF AN INSIDE GAME THAN AN OUTSIDE ONE

To prepare for partner: whether in dating, marriage, or business you can read 2 Peter 1:5-7 AMP and pick one quality that you need to work on.

In a month’s time, see how much you have learned about—and improved in—that quality (all these qualities can be sharpened by gleaning over the book of Proverbs).

Then pick the next quality & repeat (you can make this a life long learning exercise as well, to build on your skills and competency.

The idea is to build values that allow you to have confidence with your choices to fully live out the Upside-Down Kingdom Principles here on earth as it is in heaven and give you 

C.   THE UPSIDE-DOWN KINGDOM: THIS IS THE COUNTERINTUITIVE NEW CREATION THAT JESUS CREATED THROUGH HIS BIRTH, DISCIPLESHIP, DEATH AND RESURRECTION 

In this Kingdom:

1.           Real power lies in cheerfully & lovingly serving others in love with our experiences, qualifications, interests, gifts, personalities & resources

2.           Enemies become friends where we give peace, love & justice to all

3.           The spiritually & physically poor are cared for (the marginalised, oppressed, outcasts, prisoners to shame & past mistakes)

4.           People through loving support, encouragement & accountability find forgiveness, identity & meaning through confronting their failures or crisis of meaning or duality

5.           The humble* reign as they grow themselves through seeking godly wisdom, knowledge, understanding & rebuke while modelling & growing others in families, fellowships, work, business, companies, professions/sectors, region and nations (your ministry).

*The Humility spirit, is the spirit of a child, though born helpless & dependent, recognises their weakness & continuedly seeks better, to learn, practice, unlearn & re-learn without embarrassment that they do not know or are doing it all wrong until they get their goal and pick another goal to work on or improve completed goal to make use of it. Mathew 18: 1- 5 AMP see also: Mark 9:35–37 AMP; Luke 9:46–48 AMP

D.  MERGER (PARTNERSHIP) CHECKLIST: NO OTHER PARTNERSHIP AFFECTS YOUR QUEST FOR PURPOSE THAN THE CHOICE OF WHO TO DATE OR MARRY

i.                   WOULD HE MAKE A GOOD HUSBAND FOR ME?

a.      Character Basics:

[ ] How does he handle any authority he may have & show love to you? — Matthew 20:25, 26 AMP; Ephesians 5:25 AMP; Ephesians 5:33(a) AMP.

[ ] What are his goals? — 1 Timothy 4:15 AMP.

[ ] Is he now working toward those goals? — 1 Corinthians 9:26, 27 AMP.

[ ] How does he treat his family? — Exodus 20:12 AMP.

[ ] Who are his friends? — Proverbs 13:20 AMP.

[ ] What does he talk about? — Luke 6:45 AMP.

[ ] What is his attitude toward money? — Hebrews 13:5, 6 AMP.

[ ] What type of entertainment does he enjoy? — Psalm 97:10 AMP.

[ ] How does he demonstrate his love for the Lord your God? — 1 John 5:3 AMP.

[ ] What things or situations make him happy?

[ ] What things or situations makes him angry?

b.     Assets:

[ ] Is he industrious in investing time & other resources in addressing the 10 areas of life (refer wheel of life)? — Proverbs 6:9-11 AMP.

[ ] Is he financially responsible? (What does His Mobile Money or Bank Statement look like i.e. not the balance but what are the things he spends money on/where does his money go to) — Luke 14:28 AMP. Link: You can know alot about what people value from where they put their money, so, you do not need to do guess work

[ ] Is he well reported on (when you google their name – what comes up, what is his story in social media, does it exist, does it add up, is it transparent, who are the people they know etc)? — Acts 16:1, 2 AMP.

[ ] Is he considerate of others? — Philippians 2:4 AMP.

c.      Danger signs:

[ ] Is he disposed to anger? — Proverbs 22:24 AMP.

[ ] Does he try to involve you in sexual misconduct? — Galatians 5:19 AMP.

[ ] Is he physically or verbally abusive? — Ephesians 4:31 AMP.

[ ] What does he become when they use alcohol or must they use alcohol to have a good time? — Proverbs 20:1 AMP.

[ ] Is he jealous and self-centered? — 1 Corinthians 13:4, 5 AMP.

ii.                 WOULD SHE MAKE A GOOD WIFE FOR ME?

a.      Character basics:

[ ] How does she show respect to you? — Ephesians 5:21, 22 AMP; Ephesians 5:33(b) AMP

[ ] How does she treat her family? — Exodus 20:12 AMP.

[ ] Who are her friends? — Proverbs 13:20 AMP.

[ ] What does she talk about? — Luke 6:45 AMP.

[ ] What is her attitude toward money? — 1 John 2:15-17 AMP.

[ ] What are her goals? — 1 Timothy 4:15 AMP.

[ ] Is she now working toward those goals? — 1 Corinthians 9:26, 27 AMP.

[ ] What type of entertainment does she enjoy? — Psalm 97:10 AMP.

[ ] How does she demonstrate her love for the Lord your God? — 1 John 5:3 AMP.

[ ] What things or situations makes her happy?

[ ] What things or situations makes her angry?

b.     Assets:

[ ] Is she industrious in addressing the 10 areas of life (refer wheel of life)? — Proverbs 31:17, 19, 21, 22, 27 AMP.

[ ] Is she financially responsible? (What does her Mobile Money or Bank Statement look like i.e. not the balance but what are the things she spends money on/where does her money go to) — Proverbs 31:16, 18 AMP. Link: You can know alot about what people value from where they put their money, so, you do not need to do guess work

[ ] Is she well reported on (when you google their name – what comes up, what is his story in social media, does it exist, does it add up, is it transparent, who are the people they know etc)? — Ruth 3:11 AMP.

[ ] Is she considerate of others? — Proverbs 31:20 AMP.

c.      Danger signs:

[ ] Is she contentious? — Proverbs 21:19 AMP.

[ ] Does she try to involve you in sexual misconduct? — Galatians 5:19 AMP.

[ ] Is she verbally or physically abusive? — Ephesians 4:31 AMP.

[ ] What does she become when they use alcohol or must they use alcohol to have a good time?— Proverbs 20:1 AMP.

[ ] Is she jealous and self-centered? — 1 Corinthians 13:4, 5 AMP.

 Fig 1: Wheel of life showing the 10 areas of life that you and I need to be aware of and even where our potential partners are (Find out: How do they relate with their parents, spouse, children, employees, clients, those in need or Where do they put their energy in and where are the fruits most in or least in - are they aware of this, did it all happen by chance, how would they do it differently, and what is the plan for deficient areas? etc)

E.  CONTRACTING OR AGREEMENTS

"An agreement means very little without the character and relationship base to sustain it in spirit."

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Powerful Lessons in Personal Change, S. Covey

In a culture where people say one thing and mean the other or know very well they have no intention to comply, it needs to be clear in addition to the why, how and what of the relationship, that to the all parties, the standard of measuring performance, of satisfaction as well as regular due diligence, checks and balances and dispute resolution mechanisms, even consequences that we all agree to be made clear upfront. Another important thing is are their other partners or family aware and aligned, what happens if you and I aren't there, will the vision be perpetuated - is it aligned to family or other partnership vision or goals?

Then the most important thing: these are not mine vs yours, they are ours. It is our agreement - where we choose a win-win; win-win compromise or a no deal with no hard feelings.

Template below picked from an excerpt from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by S. Covey.

F.   RELATED READS

Closing Disclaimer: From my own journey through mergers and marriage, I have found out that whom we partner with on any matter, has a great potential to accelerate or decelerate us on the path cut out for us. The idea of the above tool is to be aware of truths on what & how to do due-diligence to then help you decide on what to do what you know/find out, what course of action to take for both parties to either address the issues that emerge with courage to dialogue & compassion for each other to get to a win-win resolution or no-deal resolution. Hopefully this can help with making you and I more of examples and not a warning on mergers & marriage. If you find it useful and may need help with it, you can reach out or feel free to share it to spark dialogue & discussion. If not, its is also ok as well. All the very best.