Menu Removal

I've written about it before. About how many couples seem to have a drop off in intimacy, the longer that they are together. As if once we know we got you, we don't have to try so hard anymore. I have worked with countless couples over the past 4 decades on this very matter. I have always referred to it as the menu.?

When we first start dating, just about everything is on the menu. We dress nice, send texts, open car doors, do what the other wants to do and so on. But after some time, we seem to settle in. Those texts become less frequent. We stop talking to each other and talk at each other. In short, we stop showing up for each other. When was the last time you kissed you partner like it was the first time?

I've been with the same woman for 20 years. And because we put in the work, it remains fresh. But the truth is, it is not work. I married a woman that not only caught my eye, but who truly inspired me. Because our friendship was so playful and adventurous, we never got tired of the initial?"dating phase". 20 years deep, we still are going on dates several times a week. We truly do enjoy each others company.

Most hard conversations don't have to happen, if we stay connected. But many stop talking or checking in with each other. And when something pops up, we don't feel connected. Thus, hard conversations must be had. Its as if communication was taken off the menu. Communication? Literally the main course. We may think that sex, money and intimacy are the main course, but they're not. Everything in your relationship will have to be communicated. Time for many, causes them to check out, when they should be checking in.?

Things do change the longer we are in a relationship. But with communication, they can not only change for the better, but they can keep the door open to connectedness. That feeling of safe keeps the menu intact. And with a full menu, you are never craving something different. You never go hungry. Because so much is available, you don't feel as though you are missing out.?

Is your relationship menu a little lite? The good news is you can return to the original menu. We don't have to grow old and go without. We can grow old and go within. Let each other in and create an entirely new menu. One that pleases the palate for both of you. You did it in the beginning of the relationship. Do it again.?

Because more relationships are ruined by run down partial menus. Sure, they'll feed. But it's not what you would recommend. 2 out of 4 stars does not make for a pleasant long term relationship. Talk to each other. Serve each other. Watch your menu grow. Because when the menu shrinks, the relationship sinks.

With some personal growth and by taking some risk, you will have before you a menu that keeps you intrigued. It may take a little work. Buy don't we always pay more for fine dining any ways? And why do we pay more? Because it is worth it.?