MENTORS, A WORD IN TIME, & THE EXCEPTION VS THE RULES

“SHUT UP” IS A STRATEGY; THE ADVICE OF A MENTOR DOES NOT ALWAYS MAKE SENSE:  This is why mentors are called mentors.  One of the greatest strategies I have ever received is “shut-up!” 

Character assassination is a common tool in the workplace.  Provocation is the first step.  You don’t have to share your thoughts when in the midst of controversy.  What you say really can be used against you. (Taken out of context, etc.)

A vulture defeats a lion by playing dead.  When the lion manages to capture a vulture in mid-air, the vulture simply does and says nothing.  The lion turns him over, monitors it, assumes it is dead, and simply goes on to something a little more delectable; the same is true for us. 

Sometimes, in a fight of character assassination, you must do something physical. In this situation, deal with it.  “When your head's in the lion's mouth move with the lion.”  In other cases, the response is simply shut up.

SOMETIMES, INTELLIGENCE IS OVERRATED 

When you can’t afford to fail, you must come to the realization that regardless of your IQ, there are some things that you don’t know that you don’t know.  It is here that a strategic mentor is a career saving occurrence.  It is also my belief that we can NOT choose our mentors; we must be chosen.  Mentoring requires disclosing much that is confidential, they must trust the one to which they choose to disclose.  It is here that common sense trumps intelligence.  It is great to have both, however, in the end, oftentimes, we don’t know what we don’t know.  Listen, discern, and act as instinctively directed.  It is a delicate dance between humility, pride, & confidence.

THEY DID NOT HAVE TO DO IT BUT THEY DID

Change, regulations, and competition al a mode!  The times were unprecedented and performance was measurable.  However, my first award for top sales performer of the month changed the writing on the traditional plaque from salesman of the month to salesperson.  They put a woman on it and had her stepping off of the page.  Every one after that had 'salesperson' on it.  It never changed.  They did not have to and I certainly did NOT expect it but it happened.  When I stepped off of the elevator, they had it  on an easel in the corridor for all to see along with my photo.  While there have been many in many areas, that one was life altering.  It was a moment and many mentors in time.  There were many, many more to come....Not all mentoring experiences were good.  Along the way, there were those macerating..

LEVELS OF GROWTH THROUGH MENTORING NEVER END

Levels of growth with the aid of mentors never stop.  As in the wilderness, discernment is critical; not everything is what it seems.

The new terrain introduces a new way of walking.  Each new situation presents a new set of circumstances that are unknown. The growth curve is reduced when mentoring is present.  While mentoring does not reduce the need for skill, wit, and productivity; it certainly is a sling-blade in the lawn of learning.  As in the wilderness, the dance between predator and prey is what constitutes life and death.  While death is not a normal part of the workplace; the life and death of dreams and aspirations is always hanging in the balance.  Everything that glitters is not gold.  It comes with the territory. 

MACERATING AS MENTORS:  EVERYTHING THAT GLITTERS IS NOT GOLD

Wherever there are flowers, you will find weeds. Remarkably, sometimes they will take on the identity of the flower and look a lot like the flowers.   Weeds are shrewd and they know two things: (1) The flower is going somewhere beautiful and (2) The flower will be cared for.  The same thing happens to people with potential and not all who claims to be a mentor is sincere.  Personal gain and undermining will be packaged in the sensation of undergirding.   The real agenda is to derail.

To look for the macerating mentors is a distraction; to ignore them is a disaster; ignore at your own peril. 

Discernment and instincts must take center stage.   If you get the feeling that their motives are suspect; trust your instincts.  If they advise you to do something or to say something that instinctively you know is wrong, decline.  They usually show up with questions, compliments, and a pad, inquiring about your well-being and expressing a desire to “show you the ropes.”  Access to your underbelly is the motive.

Sometimes they are cynical about the efforts of others to support you.  This is a major sign, many times it is an attempt to isolate you.   Their real intention is to appear to be in your inner circle for two reasons: (1) others will assume you have endorsed them and will trust them with critical information meant for you.  You will never receive it and if you do, it won’t be the way it was meant to be received. (2) They want to derail you for any number of reasons and not always to uplift themselves; sometimes it is to maintain the status quo.  Many times it is to appear to be on the same wavelength of those they admire.  It is about influence, theirs.

Yes, mentoring is what keeps excellence in motion.  No society can operate without it.  Just remember the flower and the weed.  It is always disappointing but it happens.

MENTOR DEFINED:  "A Mentor is traditionally defined as someone who teaches or gives help and advice to a less experienced and often younger person; it is usually a trusted counselor or guide."   While I concur with that definition, for me, it took a different turn at different stages of my professional life.

THE FRONTLINE OF MY SUCCESS BACKED UP BY MENTORS

My first conscious knowledge of being mentored happened decades ago. It turns out I was on the frontline of change when the patent for the Xerographic process was released and Xerox faced competition head-on for the first time.  It was time to change for everyone in everyone.  Change, regulations, and competition al a mode!  The times were unprecedented on all sides and performance was measurable.  For this, I was grateful; you can't mandate sales performance; either you outsell your competitors or you don't.

While I was on the front line of my success, I can boldly say that had mentors both known and unknown, who opened doors, offered advice, and even paved the way, I would not have been able to achieve the level of success that I enjoyed.  In the ever-changing arena of performance, no one can do anything alone.  

I went on to win many awards everywhere I went.  Sales, Manager, Volunteerism, etc.  

CHANGING THE PLAQUE THROUGH PERFORMANCE

 THEY DID NOT HAVE TO DO IT BUT THEY DID

However, my first award for top sales performer of the month changed the writing on the traditional plaque from salesman of the month to salesperson.  They put a woman on it and had her stepping off of the page.  Every one after that had 'salesperson' on it.  It never changed.  They did not have to and I certainly did NOT expect it but it happened.  When I stepped off of the elevator, they had it  on an easel in the corridor for all to see along with my photo.  While there have been many in many areas, that one was life altering.  It was a moment and many mentors in time.  There were many, many more to come.

I achieved unprecedented performance and for that, I have many to thank.

MENTORS ARE THE FOUNDATION OF SUCCESS

I am convinced that mentors are the foundation of success in life without exception.  It is often said that many are called but few are chosen.  It is my belief that true mentors choose us based on their instincts and our gifts.  No one can achieve maximum success alone.  Mentors are essential.  What a wonderful combination.

NON-TRADITIONAL PROFESSIONAL LIFE

Since my professional life was not traditional, it stands to reason that my mentors were not traditional.  I say mentor(s) because there were many and none of them were traditional.  You see, I am a product of racial integration, affirmative action, and now diversity.  I am a product and a proponent of change.  To mentor me was uncomfortable, dangerous, and in many cases, it required those who chose to do it to put themselves on the line with the only thing holding them up from the wrath was trusting me without asking for me to remain discreet.

It also required me to have blind courage because there was no right or wrong way to break the established rules that were written before the emergence of both women and blacks in the workplace; I was both.  For that reason, I was called a" twofer."

MENTORING FROM THE HEART

What I learned was this:  People of all races, sex, and nationalities are drawn to a spirit.  True leaders/mentors always lead and mentor with their hearts.  The target of their gift of mentorship often do not know they are being mentored until they get their backs against the wall and realize that someone is there to show you them the way out.  It is a risk for them as they are trusting that you have the tenacity to use the information given to survive with discretion.

PERFORMANCE & A WORD IN TIME

It usually came with a “word in time.”  The right word, from the right person, at the right time is how it happened for me. It did not stop as am employee within the corporate structure, it continued as I transitioned to the life of the independent contractor.  Once again, the word in time came out of concerned people without regard for gender and race.  

STEREOTYPING IS  A STRAIGHT JACKET; IT IS LIMITING & DANGEROUSLY BINDING

I have never had the liberty to embrace the temptation to hate. My mentors and advisors showed up in a multitude of races and genders.  Why would I waste time attempting to decide who I could hate?  I choose to focus on the help. Stereotyping is a straight jacket.  Those who embrace it limit themselves and the channel from which wisdom flows.   Good things come from people you don't expect.  Bad things come from people you don't expect.  To brand an entire group of people based on the conduct of one person is limiting and binding.  I have said many times, race and gender are gifts NOT skills.  In this day and time, to hire someone for the gifts they received by birthright (race and gender) is to invite an unnatural environment and one of suspicion and distrust.  Yes, in the world in which we live, diversity is critical but not because of legal reasons.  It is for universal appeal.  The workplace is best when it mirrors the marketplace.  Gender and race are no substitute for skills.  We must do the work to strike a productive balance that not only produces pure thinking but a healthy bottom line. 

TRADITIONAL WHITE MALE TERRITORY

As I entered the workplace, I always found myself in what I will call tradition “white male territory.”  In many cases, I was hired and assigned to do just that; diversify that team.  While corporate management was attempting to comply with the law, many in the designated areas were attempting to block the law.  To openly do otherwise would have branded them in a way that was not celebrated.  Breaking barriers while performing was the challenge and the assignment; I was never in doubt of that.  It was the law.

So, as they (traditional white males) continued to function in their capacity of inclusion, on many different occasions, those who were rooting for me, saw the potential “ambush” that was coming my way.  Without acknowledging or confirming, they would drop a word in time in my ear.  It would always be the life vest I needed to survive the current threat. They knew what I did not know and they knew that if I knew, I had the insight and the tenacity to execute and to survive.  They were right.  Now, like then, I never disclosed their identities. (If they are reading this post, they are welcomed to do so in the comment section.  (I am still 'unflappable)

GRAY AREAS or THE EXCEPTION TO THE RULES

The most important lesson I learned is that there are rules and there are exceptions to the rules.  This is when the unexpected life vest would show up.  Being new to the corporate life and to the organization, I would attempt to follow the rules to the letter; only I did not know that all of the rules were not documented.  There were gray areas, exceptions to the rules that were only available through tenure and access to influencers.

AUTHENTIC SUPPORT & ENCOURAGEMENT

Sometimes, all I needed was to not feel alone and alienated.  I needed encouragement and I dared not asked for it. I was expected to be strong.  At my darkest moment, someone would always come through.   They did not need to give me information to bridge the gap between what I knew and what I did not know, they would simply acknowledge that they knew what I was going through and express their desire to stop my ship from sinking.  It is here that I was denied the option to hate based on race and/or gender.

For every one hater, there were 10 more who looked just like them that was saying:  Ivory, you can do this!   We like your style.  I can recall that the most counter-intuitive compliment I ever received was this:  “We like you Ivory, you are a woman with b---s."  LOL!  It hurt so good...

Of course one of the first lessons I learned while working with all men, even from my brothers, is that the way they compliment each other is different than women.  I also learned that as men, they are harder on each other than anyone else.  After a vicious dialogue with each other, the would "go get some lunch!!!!"

 MALE & FEMALE MENTORS

 Yes, I did have both male and female mentors both black and white.  They were essentially fighting the same battle as I was.  I can recall my first mentor at Xerox, the deceased Julyn Polk, my Manager as a Customer Representative.  One day she called me in and told me she had put my name in a hat for a job I would never have seen myself in.  After she shared the news, she said: “You can do that job Dorsey!”  She was right!

Another was Marnie Milligan, as my Field Sales Manager.   She declared I could give the simple name "Ed" two syllables with the way I talked.  She was the first to lovingly point out the fact that I am focused/myopic.  She used the analogy of cowboys, Indians, and arrows. (I got it!)  Wherever you are, Marnie, thank you!

The bottom line is this.  Mentors are masters of motivation.  Without them, no one would reach their full potential.  While they don’t grow the apple of who you are; they definitely polish it.  Mentoring is a great skill that put our full potential on display.

UNKNOWN MENTORS MATTER

Sometimes our mentors choose to be totally discreet and we never know who they are.  All we know  is that a bridge occurred that was not there and we know we did not build it.  The elderly use to say, "don't look a gift horse in the mouth."  A hint to the wise usually sufficient. To all of my mentors, both known and unknown, I say thank you!  I could not have done it without you.

 Ivory Dorsey is a Professional Speaker, Facilitator and Author.  To learn more, please see Linkedin profile, www.ivorydorsey.com, www.google.com ,www.youtube.com  and other reputable search engines