Mentors Don’t Bend Mirrors

The power of the mirror is just simply amazing to me. Ancient mirrors were simple a reflection of a face in water, then about 6000 BC it was polished stones of various kinds. The most popular was obsidian which is a dark glass like rock form by volcanoes. In 4000 BC, the Middle East mirrors were made from polished copper. Then around 2000 BC, China produced a mirror out of polished bronze. Mirrors for the most part had to be small to keep the surface flat and true. The larger full-length mirror would bend and thus bend the reflection with its imperfections. In the New Testament, we get an idea of the challenges of a mirror in its day with a passage that says, “as if seeing into a mirror, darkly.”

Around 100 AD, the Romans covering reflective metals with glass began to solve the problem with the reflective nature of the mirror, but glass was blown with a curve, so the mirrors were small but curved which again distorted one’s image when they saw their own reflection. Around 500 AD, China again moved the technology forward using for the first-time silver and glass. But the glass was dark and wavy and so the image was as well. It took another 1,300 years to figure out how to have a uniform flat sheet of glass that was clear, free of larger bubbles that would begin to help solve the problem of the true reflection of the image.

It was in 1835 that a German Chemist solved the issue with flat clear glass and a more perfect way to attach a reflective coat of silver to it allowing one to see the perfect image of what a true mirror can reflect back. The process continued to improve until the 1940’s. The mirror was no long an item for the rich to have, but a common mass-produced item that went throughout the world. All levels of society now had access to the technology of a what today is a common simple mirror. 

So yes, the mirror is an amazing tool that we simply take for granted today. Its history is interesting, and its journey took 6,000 years to perfect. To perfect it, you needed a surface that didn’t bend or warp and that was flawless. The most perfect mirrors are used in the Hubble Telescope that is out in space. These mirrors cost billions to produce so that we can see hundreds of billions of light years away. They have to be perfect if we are to see the universe we live in perfectly.

I think about mirrors in many different ways. One is the mirror that reflects what we see, and the other is the mirror that reflects what we don’t see but perhaps we should. The mirror of the physical world is one thing and the mirror into the heart and soul is something else altogether.

The reflection we see within the mirror is as perfect as the mirror itself, it the mirror is flawless then the reflection we see will also be a flawless representation of what we see. The mirror into the soul is far more difficult because that mirror is made by each person and each person has to be perfectly honest and without ego. That mirror is the most challenging mirror for each of us to create. It has to be devoid of self-importance, pride, greed, lusts and every other imperfection of the natural man to see perfectly the imperfections found within each of us.

I have always tried to live my life to be as the song states, “the man in the mirror.” Meaning that I am always trying to be completely transparent so that what people see as a reflection of me is in fact the real me, and not what I am trying to project as the most favorable version of me. Like in the traveling circus shows there is the hallway of mirrors, where the mirrors are bent to create images of you that are odd shaped and funny, but they are not the real images of you but rather an illusion of you.

Often times in life, we will find others will bend our mirrors without our knowledge to have people see what they want people to see in that bent image they created of you. They do this to take advantage of a situation for their own personal gain. To do that, they also have to bend their own mirrors to mask their intent and the nature of who they really are. I have seen this happen many times in my life and I have seen it happen in the lives of others. Sadly this kind of stuff is part of life, people will try to bend your reflection, but the bending of an untrue reflection can only last for so long. As long as you remain true and faithful to your own reflection and not bend your mirror, then the bending of the mirror by others will be over time seen. This is because the bending of their own mirror to mask their intent is never sustainable.

When we bend our own mirror, we hide who we have become, rather than simply change into who we ought to be. But our actions and deeds always reveal to others if we are trying to bend our own mirrors to reflect that which is the true reflection. Mirror benders are everywhere, and the truth is we all are mirror benders at one level or another. The more we don’t bend the mirror of who we project to be the more real, genuine, and authentic we become. This is why we love those who are truly authentic, they don’t hide the true nature of who they are.

Bending our own mirror is bad enough, bending the mirror of another is taking away the name and reputation of someone else for at best temporary gain, advantage or pleasure. 

Mirror benders use a technique known as gaslighting. It’s a psychological manipulation in which a person sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual and groups making them and others believe they are less than they really are. If you are a victim of this technique it is painful to be sure, because you are constantly on the defense of something you can’t see but know is real. The pain is then increased when the mirror bender subtly shows that false reflection to others and the gaslighting takes a more full effect within a group environment. Then the pain for the victim is increased hundred-fold. We see this all the time within political spheres, companies, marriages and even within families.

Those who gaslight those around them have several interesting character traits you can observe. First, they have learned the art to justify their behavior and live with it because they bend the mirror of their own reflection and see what they want to reflect of themselves as a result they can easily justify the destruction of another completely free of guilt.

Once they have achieved their objective, they have second character trait they employ. They simply move on, never to speak to and completely avoid the person they have laid waste to. It’s much too hard for them to look at the mirror they bent at the expense of another. It is one of the ironies of life when the mirror bender create a false impression of another that they then never wish to see again.

It’s interesting to watch mirror benders who gaslight their friends and loved ones. Time always reveals the mirror benders and how they bent their own mirrors and then unkindly bent the mirrors of others for gain. 

It’s important to each of us to know that when we are not in the room that should our name come up that is protected by our friends, and that they will not take your good name from you for their own gain. 

And that is the third character flaw of a mirror bender. You will notice over time and at some point, that they speak poorly of everyone who is not in the room. This technique of gaslighting is very subtle, because it appears to be constructive in nature but for the mirror bender is not constructive it’s more about gaming the system to their benefit. They are reflective about the faults of everyone but themselves, shifting blame and never wanting to be accountable. You clearly understand they honestly believe they are the smartest person in the room on every subject. When you witness this behavior, you will then know in your heart that when you are not in the room, that your name will never be safe as they will speak unkindly of you in ways that are again subtle but over time will be effective in burying anyone.

As for me, I want my mirror to be straight and true, I wish never to bend my mirror to reflect an untruth of me and never want to take away the good name of a friend or family member by bending their mirror for my advantage. I like instead showing people the greatest I see of them within their own mirror, helping them to always find the best version of themselves, helping them see they don’t have to bend their own mirror to be great. True mentors and leaders never bend the mirrors of themselves or others they simply help bend or change behaviors and habits of those they lead.

So, try with all you might to avoid bending your mirror and never ever bend the mirror of another. Be straight and true and bend only your will to reflect the better and more noble reflection of you and cast the best reflection of those you love and esteem as friends.