Mentorlog #35 - Managing Stress

I recently had a conversation with a mentee who was under a lot of stress, particularly about their visa situation. They had worked hard to get where they were professionally, and the uncertainty of whether they could stay in the U.S. was weighing heavily on them.

I've been there too in the past. On my visa situation, and on various other things over the year. But in each instance, I did OK by focusing on what I could control, having a clear action plan and leaving the rest to "luck" and "destiny".

So, when they brought up their predicament, I had these topics for them. I am hoping these help you manage stress effectively too.

1. Have a Plan

Planning can be a powerful antidote to stress.

While it might seem daunting at first, taking the time to think through various scenarios and mapping out possible outcomes can bring you a significant sense of control. For each potential situation, outline your desired result and the steps you’ll take to achieve it. This clarity can be incredibly calming, as it allows you to anticipate what might come and how you’ll respond. For example, when I was nearing the end of graduate school and job hunting, I made a firm decision: if I didn’t secure a job before graduation, I’d return to India. This clear timeline not only reduced my anxiety but also gave me the drive to intensify my job search. It was a guiding force that helped me focus and act decisively.

Be Action Oriented

One common source of stress is overthinking without taking action. I have seen friends who get stuck in analysis-paralysis, leading to premature aging and constant worry. Instead, if you have an idea or a plan, act on it promptly. For example, if you're worried about your visa, consult an immigration lawyer and explore your options. Taking action can alleviate the stress of uncertainty.

Don't Worry About What is Not in Your Control

After you've taken action, let go of the outcome.

Worrying about things beyond your control is futile and only adds to your stress. For instance, once you've submitted your visa application, you've done your part. Whether it's approved or not is beyond your control. Focus on what you can do next, rather than dwelling on the uncertainties.

Identify Life Anchors

Having stable life anchors can provide a sense of calm amidst chaos.

These anchors shouldn't be transient like jobs or people, but something more consistent. For me, it's the night sky. Gazing at the stars, especially the bright Jupiter, reminds me of my place in the universe and calms me down. You might find your anchor in a daily routine, a religious practice, or even a cherished keepsake. For one of my friends, a daily meditation practice served as his anchor, helping him stay grounded despite the turmoil at work.

Externalize Your Feelings

Letting off steam is crucial. Find a way to express your thoughts and feelings, whether by writing them down, talking to a friend, or consulting a mentor. I personally find writing very therapeutic—it helps me organize my thoughts and reduce stress. Another mentee of mine found solace in talking to a trusted friend who offered a different perspective, which significantly reduced his stress.

Have a Diversion

It's essential to have activities that provide a mental reset. Early in my career, my Friday nights were reserved for dinner with friends followed by a mindless action movie. This ritual helped me disconnect from work stress and rejuvenate for the week ahead. Find your diversion—be it a hobby, sports, or even watching your favorite TV show. Another friend of mine loves gardening; the act of nurturing plants provides him with a much-needed break from his stressful job.

Seek Professional Help When Needed

Sometimes, stress can be overwhelming and require professional intervention. Therapists and counselors can provide valuable coping strategies and a safe space to discuss your anxieties. I have had spots in my life when I've sought help, and that brought tremendous relief and clarity, and gave me tools to manage my stress more effectively.

Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques

Mindfulness practices like deep breathing, yoga, and meditation can significantly reduce stress. The toughest times in my life were alleviated when I focused on mindfulness. In due course, I felt very connected with my inner self, and had clarity and purpose that helped me snap out of my life and professional abyss. If you can find techniques and tactics that help center your mind, you also mitigate the physical effects of stress. For instance, incorporating a short meditation session into your daily routine can help clear your mind and reduce anxiety.

Managing stress requires a multi-faceted approach. By being action-oriented, focusing on what you can control, identifying life anchors, externalizing your feelings, and finding healthy diversions, you can significantly reduce your stress levels. Remember, it's not about eliminating stress but managing it in a way that allows you to thrive.

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