Mentoring Up - or how to be the best mentee ever

As I wrote the word ‘mentoring’, I knew that some people would recoil instantly. The fact is that many people struggle with their experiences as a mentee or a mentor. It’s generally a loosely defined relationship that is laden with expectation of quick-fix, transformative insights.

I recall one or two moments where I've been asked by colleagues I barely know for that elusive silver-bullet; the nugget of wisdom that will accelerate a career, ensure role success or guarantee a promotion. This is generally asked on the spot with the assumption that I am able to be instantly wise and inspiring… while that is definitely flattering, those of you who know me well will know I can really only be these things with lots of preparation (and even then it’s a push!)

I do, however, think that mentoring can be hugely powerful and I feel fortunate to have had a number of successful and strong mentoring relationships/experiences in my own career. But there is one crucial ingredient… the concept of "Mentoring Up".

Analogous to ‘managing up’, it’s the notion that you as an individual should bring something to the table to make the time with your mentor productive. In short, as you’re the one who wants to be mentored, it’s critical that you own the conversation and are prepared with ideas and context on the areas you need some help in, as well as giving something back to your mentor.

Here are three top tips to being an effective mentee:

1. Set a short agenda ahead of any catch up to provide an outline of the topics you’d like to cover in order to give your mentor some time to prepare
2. Be open and honest with your mentor, giving them the full context they need to support you and invest in your success
3. Offer your own insight on a current event or project that might be useful in making your mentor more successful

It may seem obvious but it’s surprising how often these fairly logical and straightforward steps are overlooked in mentor discussions. If you follow these, you should see a virtuous cycle, with your mentor becoming more engaged with your dreams, hopes and challenges as well as consequently becoming more invested in supporting you achieve your aims. This two-way relationship and flow of ideas has proven the key factor in many of my mentoring relationships transcending the work environment and deepening into real friendships.

To my mentors, I want to acknowledge the significant and meaningful impact you’ve had on my career (and life), I certainly feel extremely lucky for your guidance and counsel – thank you!

So, I hope when you are finished reading this, you ask yourself – who are my mentors? Who wants to see me succeed and what am I offering to them? How can I make those experiences more of a two-way relationship? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.