Mentoring: A practice of virtue

“We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.” — Winston Churchill

Many who gain success in their respective fields – whether they wish it or not – become role models to those who come after them. However, being a role model does not equate to being a mentor to others.

Taking on the role of a mentor is a deliberate choice. It is deliberate because it requires the giving of your time, your energies, and arguably, the giving of yourself away.

Mentoring requires much of us but has little visible external rewards. In our busyness, mentoring receives short shrift or perfunctory nods.

Yet, the very fact that mentoring is often invisible on a resume makes it a practice of virtue. Like all virtues, its quiet practice leads to sublimity – one that brings deep joy and intrinsic reward.

Resume Virtues vs. Eulogy Virtues

The New York Times columnist David Brooks presents two sets of virtues that we can pursue: resume virtues and eulogy virtues. Resume virtues are the lines on your resume, or for us academic types, your curriculum vitae. By contrast, eulogy virtues are what others will eulogize about at your funeral.

The careerist pressures of our world compel us toward building resume virtues – we are constantly seeking to add more lines to our resume. Mentoring is hard because it seldom adds to this endeavor; it may even detract from it. Your resume will unlikely be improved by spending 30 hours mentoring Sally, Deshon, Janelle, or Tae-Won. No one except you and your mentee will see the work and time you put in.

Yet – we need to remember that life goes beyond your career and your resume virtues. Life is fundamentally about the relationships you build at work. The meaningful pauses in productivity you take to walk through hardships and challenges with someone. The positive outcomes in people that you influence. These are in themselves their own reward.

Others over Self

Mentoring is a practice of virtue because through it, we practice putting others over ourselves. The mentoring context provides us an abundance of opportunity to learn and form different virtues in our own lives.

Good mentoring requires that we understand the perspectives and concerns of the other. It beckons us toward a level of humility and patience so we can listen well and not leap into quick conclusions or solutions.

Good mentoring places our strengths, successes, and connections in service to the other. It challenges us toward generosity. Instead of asking, “What can I get out of this?”, we ask “What is the best way I can give to you?”

Good mentoring is compassionate. It does not condemn failings or weaknesses in the other when it encounters them. It comes alongside to encourage, strengthen, and motivate. It treats the other person with respect and dignity.

I believe that while taking time to mentor others may not always lead to greater career success, the practice of good mentoring will positively spill over to many other aspects of your life.

Being a Mentor

As someone who is ambitious and goal-oriented, I have always struggled with prioritizing mentoring relationships. One of my mentors wisely suggested that I put these relationships as an important task in themselves. To that effect, I have learned to schedule in time throughout the week or month to develop mentoring relationships. Here are some things I have learned over time.

If you can, schedule in more time than you need. It gives unhurried time to process issues together.

During these conversations, ask good questions and take time to listen:

“What goals do you have for yourself (or team, or company)?”

“What areas would you like to grow in?”

“What types of resources do you need to be successful?”

“How can I best serve you?”

Be patient. It takes time to build trust. It also takes time for a mentee to trust your advice.

Focus on the strengths of your mentee and affirm them when you can. What you say can have the world of an effect on their confidence and self-worth. Send them an email when you remember something positive about them. Follow-up with issues they raise.

An Appeal

In my years as a fallible mentor, I am learning that mentoring is one of the lasting joys in my career — surpassing accolades, monetary rewards, and personal successes. My student successes mean more to me than my own. Seeing growth in those working under me fills me with pride. Learning from my mentees is exciting.

I have seen many amazing and talented individuals who are caught up in their own careers that they ignore mentoring. Or, they may simply fail to recognize the intrinsic rewards of mentoring.

My hope is that by seeing mentoring in a new light, it will encourage you to find your place as a mentor to others, regardless of what stage you are in your career.

The practice of good mentoring is a practice of virtue that can make not only your workplace better – it can make you a better person.