Mentoring Milestones: Grad Season's Highs and Lows

It's not everyday you get to see one of your students - your mentees - on graduation day take on the role of commencement speaker on stage in front of thousands at Madison Square Garden (Hi, Jake Longoria !). Mentoring has been a wild ride, full of challenges and difficulties, the full spectrum of emotions, and laughter. So, so much laughter.

I’ve been consistently tutoring and mentoring students for around two decades. I started tutoring while in high school and just kind of kept doing it. It was fun and kept me from starving when the (back in my day) Great Recession of aught-eight hit. To be entirely honest with you, I didn’t get into tutoring because I wanted it to be a career: I had a need (food) and it provided a means to address that need (money… for food).

But what they don’t tell you when you get into mentoring is how it sticks with you and envelops your life. It becomes part of your DNA. And as a result mentoring has greatly shaped who I am as a person.

They mention how rewarding it is. They mention how the amount of effort you put in “comes back to you threefold.”?

Sure.

That’s what they say.?

For me, those comments reside in the same category of empty platitudes that teachers say about their students. The, “sometimes I feel as if it's them teaching me,” kind of garbage that not only makes a good sound byte (and mandatory commentary from every teacher of the year award speech ever) but also makes the audience feel good, while subverting the deep scars that teaching long term slowly and consistently etches into its practitioners.?

Here’s the reality: the most memorable students don’t teach you, they shape you. Their imprint on your life goes beyond just learning something new, they inform your views of the world and give you a different perspective and window from which to view the world around you.

For more than a decade, Jake and his siblings (Hi Bryce Longoria and JT Longoria !) have been those students, those agents of change, to me. It's strange to think about how the oldest of them is now, today, basically the same age I was when I first met with them for SAT prep. Since then, we have essentially grown up together. I’m not a kid anymore, and neither are they.?

What was once a sort of older sibling/younger sibling dynamic has given way to a cold harsh reality - the guidance I once gave them at 11 or 12 hits differently at 21 or 22. I was still figuring so many things out back then and still am. As a result, my advice hasn’t always been perfect. But like any good mentor, I have done my best to own my mistakes, hopefully demonstrating to them that when their turn comes, they can not only own their mistakes but learn from them.

So much has changed in the last decade. What has not changed is my belief in the efforts and relationships that led Jake to be on this stage. His mom, Dyanna, chief among those - her strength, focus, and support along the way for all of her kids (and for me) has been nothing short of inspiring; his dad’s structure and guidance, supporting everyone while working oh-so-many hours; Bryce, whose calming presence, clarity, and willingness to be in the trenches all along the way, despite having his own coursework at NYU; and of course JT, whose musical talents accompanied many a late night cram session and made maintaining intense focus feel less laborious.

The point of all of this is that frequently - frequently - we see graduation as a rite of passage signifying the growth and changes that occur as we pass from childhood into adulthood. But those changes are not limited to diploma recipients alone. We live in communities and a society that grows and changes as new generations come up, find their footing, and get their chance to lead. While I’m excited to see what all of my mentees accomplish, I am just as excited to see how their growth going forward impacts who I am and how I see the world.

The path leading to NYU and Madison Square Garden has been over a decade in the making. It has been downright tough on more than one occasion. I am sure everyone on Team Jake has considered giving up at one point or another (just kidding, Jake!). But in the end, all those thousands of hours of teamwork (and to be honest, a few games of League along the way) have led to this moment. This success is a team success, with Jake carrying us the last few meters over and beyond the goal line.

So what’s next??

I, for the first time probably ever, have no idea... but I am very, very excited to see what the next ten years bring and where Jake (and fam) goes from here.

Congrats, Jake!