*_* Mentoring as Legacy Newsletter 19
Stephen Hobbs
Guide Olders to Elders solo-aging to become mentors on the path to live their extraordinary legacy life
Request: Your responses to a question_
Article: What I Learned From My Earlier Failed Mentoring Arrangements
Resources: Videos @MentorPractices on YouTube
REQUEST
Do I need a mentor?
While not everyone may feel they need a mentor, having one can be highly beneficial. Anyone looking to grow in a particular area, navigate career challenges, or enhance personal development can gain enormously from a mentor's guidance. A mentor can provide the insight and encouragement necessary to move forward with "contribution from confidence."
Do you agree with this question?
Do you agree with this answer?
Whether the question and/or the answer, what edits (add, alter, delete) can improve, focus, and strengthen them?
I'm about to shoot a video in response to this often searched question__
ARTICLE
What I Learned From My Earlier Failed Mentoring Arrangements
Reasons for failure:
1) Quicksplaining, breaking the credibility pause rule
2) Being too simple in my presentation that I bored the person
3) Sharing too much too fast
4) Assuming information shared by the sponsor of the mentoring arrangement was correct and true
5) Not interpreting what the mentoring arrangement leads to through the eyes (dreams) of the mentee
Moving IN:
Mentoring is a powerful way to share knowledge and wisdom gained from events and experiences. It’s a chance to guide someone on their path, helping them grow and achieve their goals.
However, not every mentoring relationship goes as planned. My earlier experience as a mentor was not as successful as I had hoped, and I made several mistakes that ultimately led to the failure of two mentoring arrangements!
Reflecting on my mistakes has taught me valuable lessons about what it takes to be an effective (wholistic) mentor.
Here are the five key insights from my earlier mentoring arrangements__
1) Quicksplaining: Breaking the Credibility Pause Rule
Quicksplaining occurs when someone explains something condescendingly, assuming the other person knows less than they actually do. In my case, I didn’t allow my mentee the space to express their thoughts or questions. I would jump in with explanations before fully understanding what they needed or wanted to know.
This behavior broke the "credibility pause" rule, which is about taking a moment to listen and understand where the other person is coming from before offering guidance. By not pausing, I undermined my mentee’s confidence, and he felt (and later expressed) I did not value his input. Instead of fostering a collaborative environment, I unintentionally created a dynamic where my mentee felt talked down to or disregarded.
What I Learned: Effective mentoring requires conscious (active) listening and patience. Giving the mentee time to express themselves and asking open-ended questions shows respect for their knowledge and experience.
It’s important to remember that mentoring is a two-way street where both parties can learn and grow from each other. Taking a credibility pause allows for a more balanced and respectful exchange of ideas.
My experience was best summarized as a banana cream pie event!
2) Being Too Simple in My Presentation
Another mistake I made was oversimplifying the information I shared. I assumed that keeping things simple would make the concepts easier to understand. However, I ended up boring my mentee and not challenging him enough.
By not providing enough depth, I missed the opportunity to engage him in meaningful discussions that could have sparked his curiosity and drive to learn.
Oversimplification can make the mentee feel like they are not being taken seriously or that their ability to grasp complex concepts is underestimated.
This can lead to disengagement and a lack of interest in the mentoring process. Instead of simplifying everything, tailor the complicatedness of the presentations to match the mentee’s level of understanding and interest.
What I Learned: It’s important to gauge the mentee’s knowledge level and adjust the presentation of information accordingly. A good mentor should challenge the mentee by presenting information that is thought-provoking and encourages critical thinking.
Finding the right balance between simplicity and complicated can keep the mentee engaged and motivated to learn.
Same person as #1, my second banana cream pie.
3) Sharing Too Much Too Fast
In my eagerness to help, I made the mistake of overwhelming my mentee with too much information too quickly. I wanted to share everything I knew, but in doing so, I failed to consider how much the mentee could absorb at one time.
This information overload left my mentee feeling confused and unable to fully process or apply what I was sharing.
Mentoring is not just about transferring knowledge; it’s about guiding the mentee through a learning process at a pace that suits them. Dumping too much information on a mentee can be counterproductive, as it prevents them from fully understanding and retaining the key points.
What I Learned: A successful mentoring relationship requires pacing. It’s important to break down information into manageable pieces and introduce concepts gradually.
This approach allows the mentee to digest the information, ask questions, and apply what they’ve learned before moving on to the next topic. Patience and a structured approach are key to effective mentoring.
Same person as #1 and #2, the banana cream pie arrived without the bananas.
[[Personal note: As I write this article, I wish I could apologize to this person. And thank them at the same time - for they were a wonderful educator of mine!]]
4) Assuming Information From the Sponsor Was Correct and True
In my mentoring arrangement, the sponsor (someone who initiated the mentoring relationship) provided me with background information about the mentee. I assumed that this information was accurate and complete, and I based my mentoring approach on it.
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However, I later realized that some of the information was outdated or not entirely accurate, which led to misunderstandings and ineffective guidance.
Relying too heavily on second-hand information can be a pitfall in mentoring. Each mentee is unique, and it’s crucial to get to know them personally rather than making assumptions based on what others have said. The sponsor’s input can be valuable, AND it should not replace direct communication with the mentee.
What I Learned: It’s important to verify and clarify information directly with the mentee. Building a mentoring relationship based on open communication and trust is essential. Instead of assuming, I ask each mentee about their goals, challenges, and expectations from the mentoring relationship. This would have allowed me to tailor my approach more effectively to their actual needs.
Ah, a chocolate cream pie this time.
5) Not Correctly Interpreting the Mentee’s DREAM Perspective on the Mentoring Arrangement
I made the mistake of not fully understanding what the mentoring arrangement meant to the mentee. I assumed she saw it as an opportunity for learning and growth in the same way I did. However, I didn’t take the time to explore her perspective on the arrangement, which led to a mismatch in personal goals and shared outcomes.
Mentoring is most effective when both the mentor and mentee align their understanding of the purpose, goals, and outcomes of the arrangement. If the mentor assumes they know what the mentee wants without asking, it can lead to misunderstanding that undermines the relationship.
What I Learned: It’s critical to have an open conversation with the mentee at the beginning of the mentoring relationship to understand their perspective.
Asking questions like, “What do you hope to gain from this mentoring experience?” and “How do you see this mentoring relationship working?” “Where can this mentoring arrangement lead to in your journey?” can provide valuable insights into the mentee’s expectations (and commitments) and help avoid misunderstandings.
Regular check-ins to reassess goals//outcomes and action progress can also keep the mentoring relationship on track.
It was a white chocolate cream pie, without the chocolate. Yes, same person as #4.
[[Truly - I wish I could return the mentoring time and $ investment to her. Alas, that will not occur. So I pass on good intentions through my continuing mentorship, whispering TU to her!]]
Moving Forward
Mentoring is an adventure together of mutual learning and growth, AND it’s not without its challenges.
My earlier failed mentoring arrangements (that happened sooner than later) taught me important lessons about the pitfalls that can undermine the effectiveness of a mentoring relationship.
By avoiding these 5 hiccups (mistakes), I’ve learned how to be a more effective and reciprocal mentor.
Observation: For Youngers-Olders-Elders, mentoring can be a dynamic way to create a legacy and make a lasting impact. However, it’s important to approach mentoring with humility, patience, and a willingness to learn from both successes and failures.
By continuously reflecting on and improving your mentoring practices, you can build stronger, more meaningful relationships with your mentees and help them walk their path of achievement.
Resources
Aging Has Us Shape and Share Our Unique Gifts as Legacy?
Aging. The word itself can conjure images of decline, limitation, and a slowing down. But what if we reframed aging as a time of immense potential and possibility? A chance to discover, shape, and share the unique gifts we've accumulated throughout living our legacy lives?
Use a Thrive Lens to Be For the World With the Planet
What can you//we [be have] do for the world, with the planet, from the whole that contributes to all of us thriving? Where & when we do not cheat to win!
Unlock Your Best Life With These STEEP Lifestyle Tips For Olders!
What are the trends, factors and keywords influencing olders' lifestyle decisions??
What Is The Importance of A Mentor?
Accelerated Learning: Mentors can share their experiences and knowledge, helping mentees avoid common pitfalls and accelerate their learning process.
Expanded Networks: Mentors often introduce mentees to professional networks, opening doors to opportunities that might otherwise be inaccessible.
Enhanced Confidence: Regular support and constructive feedback from a mentor can significantly boost a mentee's confidence in their skills and decisions.
Use Project Based Mentoring to Experience Success
Can we use the concept/practices of Project-Based Learning (PBL), a highly effective method in higher education, to create a more dynamic and impactful mentoring experience??
Answer: YES!
Meet the Author
Dr. Stephen Hobbs
Your Guide on the Ride! __ Your Navigator through the Gates!
Invest in Youngers-Olders-Elders Aging Confidently Through Legacy Contributions
I'm an ager, more so, I walk as a "Solo-Ager".
As to Older to Elder, I'm exploring what it means for me.
Over the years, across many continents, I gathered evidence-based wisdom. Now, I revamp my "wellth of experiences" into tools and techniques to encourage olders-elders (especially those soloaging) to live a hale and hearty life without stumbling along, stubbing their toes, and wasting time, effort, and money.
I help them shape and share legacy contributions that loverage meaningful effects with clarity and confidence, seasoned with commitment and courage! [For all involved!]
Working through https://WELLthMovement.com
Inviting your involvement so I can learn from you?
and we can be FOR the World … WITH the Planet … FROM the Whole.
Strategist
3 个月Sharing too much and too fast is a big one for me, thanks for putting this out.
Compassionate & Certified Canadian Counsellor (CCC), author and speaker dedicated to easing distress, anxiety, depression & relationship challenges | Expert in Resilience & Mental Health | Trauma-Informed Therapist
3 个月It is as if you are now ‘the mentor’s mentor’ with lessons learned. Re the question focused on ‘need’ might the question be “What are the benefits of haveing a mentor?” Or did I misunderstand the question about the question? ????
Self-Worth & Energy Leadership Mentor | Face & Body Analysis Expert | Helping ex-corporate entrepreneurs break plateaus to scale, lead, and thrive w/ purpose & fulfillment | Human Design | NLP | Author | Podcast Host
3 个月Thank you for speaking on these pitfalls as a mentor. In my beginning years of mentoring, I definitely felt I jumped in too quickly versus giving my mentee space to make mistakes and learn. I was definitely on the overbearing side. Better now as I learn to let go of control more ??
Mental Health and Wellness Support | I Develop Effective Mentoring Programs for Executives and Leaders to Create Safe Workplaces and Thriving Environments for Employees | International Mentor | Speaker| Author
3 个月A great article that demonstrates the continuous learning path that a mentor takes as we provide that deeper, richer mentoring experience.