_*_ Mentoring as Legacy Newsletter 18
Stephen Hobbs
Guide Olders to Elders solo-aging to become mentors on the path to live their extraordinary legacy life
Request: About writing a book__
Article: 5 Common Mentor Practices That Can Undermine Your Mentoring Approach
Resources: Video Links!
REQUEST
Question for you: Would you read a mini-book (~ 21 to 34 pages total) with this title?
Situation: The book would be one of many in the WELLth Mini-Book Collection.
Content: These books summarize my* thoughts and feelings about the topic--as suggested by the title--with at least 10 action-outcomes to suggest ways to make it so, so IT is! *when applicable, I would include colleagues' contributions.
What the book leads to: A legacy project through which I can share my evidence, education, and experience tips, tools, and techniques in a focused format.
What I have so far ))smiles
PS: I have written a five-ebook series before on topics related to the "Managing-Leading [Topic] -- Well-Living Workplace". Here is my Amazon author page to see the series example __
Oh yes: If this approach appeals to you, DM and we can chat!
ARTICLE
5 Common Mentor Practices That Can Undermine Your Mentoring Approach
Overview:
Common Mentor Practices that can get in the way are:
1) Use the term and practices of feed-back rather than feed-forward
2) Emphasize the term and practices of goal setting rather than distinguishing between goal-setting for the mentee or mentor and outcomes for the shared connection
3) Reuse the same approach for each mentee without adapting the approach for each adventure together (a mentee is on a unique journey)
4) Thinking all is okay when, in fact, the Abilene Paradox is in play from the mentee's perspective - is the Yes, really a Yes?
5) Leaning into Optimism Bias because the mentee is receiving mentoring therefore all will be okay if the mentee follows the guidance of the mentor (that is, the mentor has to challenge the interdependence)
This article provides a broad brush overview of common practice mistakes [outlined above] that can undermine the mentoring process.
Moving IN:?
Mentoring is a wonderful//wanderful tool that helps shape the future by passing on knowledge, experience, and wisdom to others.
For Olders, especially those who are SoloAging or GrandAging, mentoring can be a meaningful way to create a lasting legacy. However, even with the best intentions, certain mentor practices can inadvertently undermine the mentoring relationship.
Here are five common mentor practices you can review:
1. Using the Term and Practices of Feed-Back Rather Than Feed-Forward
Feedback is a staple of mentoring, often used to help mentees learn from their experiences and improve their skills. However, focusing too heavily on feedback can sometimes have a negative impact on the mentoring relationship. Feedback looks backward, focusing on what has already happened, which can sometimes leave mentees feeling criticized or stuck in the past.
Instead of relying solely on feedback, consider adopting a "feed-forward" approach. Feed-forward focuses on future possibilities and how mentees can grow and improve moving forward. This approach encourages a more optimistic and forward-thinking orientation, which can be more motivating for the mentee.
For example, instead of saying, "You didn't handle that situation well," you might say, "In the future, you could try approaching similar situations by..." This subtle shift from looking back to looking ahead can make a significant difference in how the mentee receives and acts on your guidance.
What actions will you take?
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2. Emphasizing Goal-Setting Without Including Shared Outcomes
Goal-setting is another common practice in mentoring, but it's important to distinguish between the goals of the mentee and the mentor and the shared outcomes of the mentoring arrangement.
To create a more effective mentoring relationship, it's essential to establish clear, individual goals that reflect the mentee's desires//needs//wants. The mentor does the same! And, they share the goals with each other [with the mentor leaning into the awareness of what is relevant now and from the future!]
Taking the time to understand//value the mentee's personal and professional goals, and then working together to create a plan that supports those goals contributes to the mentee's overall growth, the mentor's growth, and the mentoring arrangement/relationship viability.
Therefore, documenting and mentoring through the shared outcomes identified mutually is an important addition. Consider the stated outcomes as the guidelines for the adventure together.
This "unique journey goals and adventure together outcomes approach" ensures that all persons involved invest in the mentoring arrangement, leading to a more meaningful and productive mentoring relationship.
What actions will you take?
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3. Reusing the Same Approach for Every Mentee Without Adaptation
Every mentee is on a unique journey, with their own set of challenges, strengths, and goals. However, some mentors fall into the trap of reusing the same mentoring approach for every mentee. While tempting to rely on tried-and-true methods, this lack of adaptation can lead to a one-size-fits-all mentoring experience that weakens//negates the specific requirements//requests of each mentee.
To be an effective mentor, it's crucial to tailor your approach to each mentee's individual circumstances. This means being flexible, open to new strategies, and willing to adapt your mentoring style based on the mentee's personality, learning style, and goals.
For example, one mentee may thrive with a hands-on, directive approach*, while another may prefer a more collaborative, discussion-based mentoring style. By taking the time to understand each mentee's preferences and adapting your approach, you can create a more personalized and impactful mentoring experience. *Note: Ask yourself, "Have I slipped into coaching?"
What actions will you take?
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4. Moving Forward Without Recognizing the Abilene Paradox
The Abilene Paradox is a phenomenon where a group of people collectively decide on a course of action that none of them actually want because they each believe it is what the others want.
In mentoring, this paradox can occur when the mentor assumes everything is going well, even though the mentee may feel uncomfortable or unsatisfied with the direction of the mentoring relationship.
To avoid falling into the Abilene Paradox, it's essential for mentors to check in [[regularly]] with their mentees and encourage open, honest communication. This means creating a safe space where the mentee feels comfortable expressing their true feelings and concerns without fear of judgment or disappointment. It is a wise addition for the mentor to ask the same of themselves!
For instance, you might ask, "How are you feeling about the direction we're taking? Is there anything you'd like to shift or discuss?" By actively seeking the mentee's input and being open to feed-forward you can ensure the mentoring relationship remains productive and mutually satisfying.
What actions will you take?
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5. Leaning Into Optimism Bias Without Challenging Interdependence
Optimism bias is the tendency to believe that things will turn out well, often without fully considering potential challenges or obstacles. While an optimistic outlook is important in mentoring, relying too heavily on optimism can lead to complacency (and self-doubt) and a lack of critical thinking (and ignorance).
Optimism bias can manifest as the belief that everything will be okay as long as the mentee follows the mentor's guidance. However, this can prevent both the mentor and mentee from critically assessing the situation and addressing any underlying issues (whether problem and appreciative focused).
To counteract optimism bias, mentors would encourage mentees to think critically and challenge their assumptions. This means fostering an environment where both the mentor and mentee can discuss potential risks, explore alternative perspectives, and develop contingency plans.
For example, instead of simply reassuring a mentee that they will succeed if they follow the plan, a mentor might say, "Let's consider what could go wrong and how we can prepare for those possibilities." By promoting critical thinking and encouraging the mentee to take ownership of their decisions, the mentor helps the mentee develop a more balanced and resilient approach to their goals.
What actions will you take?
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领英推荐
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Moving Forward:
Mentoring is a wonderful/wanderful way for Olders, particularly SoloAgers and GrandAgers, to create a meaningful legacy by sharing their experiences -- knowledge and wisdom -- with younger generations (youngers).
By shifting from feedback to feed-forward, distinguishing between goals and outcomes, adapting mentoring approaches to each individual's unique journey, recognizing and addressing the Abilene Paradox, and challenging optimism bias, mentors can create more impactful, personalized, and effective mentoring experiences.
For Olders who are looking to leave a lasting legacy through mentoring, these practices offer a path to more meaningful and successful mentoring relationships. By continually reflecting on and improving their mentoring approach, they ensure their legacies as mentors are better, wiser, kinder infused with respect and trust.
Your Next Step: Reach out with questions via Comments and/or DM
Alternatively, if you have a related story - add via words and/or link --- TU!
RESOURCES
Maximize Success of Your Mentoring Legacy Project with MAKES?
"Use the Acronym "MAKES" for the Safe Organization of Your Mentoring Legacy Project" based on Map, Action, Knowledge, Engagement, Significance [Safety]?
Supports Organization of Mentoring and Legacy Project and program
Living Life Dash Explained by Evidence Education Experience
Looking at the dash between your birth year and transition year
Sharing the story of valuing this dash through evidence, education, and experience
Importance of Weaving Mentoring and Legacy Together
TRACK this story --- mentoring and legacy are like fibers, threads, strings, cords, ropes
You will encounter both of them along your younger-older-elder journey and adventures together with others
What would happen if you took a generative approach and mindfully enact them in your life with purpose, wove them into your life for impact?
Elevate Your Education Experience with Content Creation
For Mentoring as Legacy or Legacy with Mentoring Project
based on curating evidence relevant to the project
And then, curating the new content assets created while managing the project
safely, using a systems approach!
#content #contentcreation #contentassets #contentcreationplatform
Deep Dive into Explaining Catalyst and Accelerator (Tad Nerdy!)
Explain Connection, Competition, and Collaboration between the two terms
Using Legacy with Mentoring and/or Mentoring as Legacy Project
Unfinished Projects: A Legacy in Disguise
Unfinished projects often languish in forgotten corners, their potential unrealized. Yet, within these dormant endeavors lies a unique form of legacy.
#project #unfinishedprojects #legacyproject #gift #legacyasgift
Importance of Reflective Question In Being Better Wiser Kinder Today
Reflective questions are tools (& techniques), especially as we navigate our later years. For Olders and Elders, asking the correct questions isn’t just about looking back—it’s about shaping who we are today and who we continue to become.
Importance of Being Fully Human Without Confusion
Includes a great story of 5 insights about our search of being__
#being #beinghuman #beingnatural #beingplanetary #beingSolaris
Attend a Legacy Mastery Course to Address Living Legacy Challenges
Are you concerned about preserving your legacy? Do you want to ensure your values, traditions, and assets are passed down to future generations in a meaningful way? If so, a Legacy Mastery Course might be the answer.
What Are 5 Mentoring Challenges Olders Encounter?
Based on my 30+ years of experience - I share 5 mentoring challenges & what I did in response! From an older’s perspective!
Use This Quick Mapping Tool to Guide Legacy with Mentoring
This ABC mapping tool is a great starting point to organize the work associated with a legacy with mentoring program or a mentoring as legacy program
Review Aging Confidently with Evidence Education Experience Catalyst
Review the Evidence Education Experience Catalyst Accelerator
Younger Older Elder Aging Agers Key Terms Introduction
Encouraging Solo Agers and Grandagers Working Together Tapping into the Younger Older Elder "Aging Story"
Wanting to work with SoloAgers and GrandAgers whose synergy is fabulicious
Quick acknowledgement of this pathway - more to follow!
What are 10 Best Life Suggestions for Olders To Live a Legacy Life?
Living your best life as an older through a legacy lens is about more than just leaving something behind; it's about creating a meaningful and impactful present. It’s about LIVING the LEGACY You Intend to LEAVE__Consider 10 Best Life Suggestions to organize your thoughts//feelings!
Meet the Author
LinkedIn Trainer | Digital Marketing and Social Media Strategist | Consultant and Trainer Simplifying Online Marketing Strategy | Speaker | Author | Organic Compelling Content Campaigns
3 个月Five mentor practices, starting with feedback. I love that feedback has been so popular topic this week. Feedback is definitely the way to feed forward. Nice one!
Calgary Cleaner, leading a team of 14 and growing ~Master Achiever~ Relationship Builder
3 个月I love how you play with words—feedback versus feedforward—it's a reminder of how powerful our language can be. The way we choose and use our words can have a significant impact. Stephen Hobbs I'd love to know, what’s your favorite aspect of mentoring? Is it guiding someone’s growth, the shared learning, or perhaps seeing the positive influence your words can have on others?
This is such a thoughtful approach to mentoring, Stephen Hobbs. Tailoring the experience to each person's journey really makes a difference. Thank you for sharing these insights! We warmly invite you to follow National Mentoring Day and share your stories, news and impact all year round and celebrating the 10th anniversary of National Mentoring Day in October. Visit https://nationalmentoringday.org/subscribe/newsletter to know more and join our national mentoring movement.
Protect your wealth, shelter your earnings, create retirement income and provide a legacy for your loved ones | Turning Advice into Financial Magic
3 个月What great insights in the article. And I got to learn what the Abilene Paradox is—something that I can certainly recognize and apply solutions to in my own business. I have volunteered recently to work with some incarcerated youth so I will be referring to your material with great attention. Thanks Stephen Hobbs
Transformational Specialist | Training | Coaching |Leadership Women In Business|Visibility for Wellness professionals|| NLP Master & New Code NLP| Communication Relationship Builder
3 个月Amazing to feed our mentorship forward, huge ah ha's I have had through discovering the difference between a goal and a outcome. Life does propose a unique journey and how we label an outcome vs goal can make a difference due to past meanings we put to a goal. Outcome to me has much more meaning especially when it is truly well formed. Thank you for sharing your expertise in your newsletters and posts always appreciated and very helpful insights.