Mentoring

“May I join, you?” She asked. Not waiting for an answer, she parked herself in the seat across from me in the socially distanced atrium of the Briarwood Mall. With restrictions lifted and Zoom fatigue having reached its precipice, I told my beloved that I was going to the mall, just to sit and be in a different space. I anticipated it being a non-conversational sit, but the mocha-toned woman with silver streaks that highlighted a well-coiffed style, soft stature and wrinkle free texture that hid her ageless wisdom had already began the conversation before I had a chance to state my objection.

“You’ve been thinking a lot about mentoring lately, haven’t you?”

That laser precise analysis was disturbing since I’d only been thinking about it and, as of yet, had not committed to putting anything in writing or scrubbing it by way of a conversation. 

“Well, as a matter of fact, I have been thinking about it lately, but how did you..,

“There’s are collective mental inquiries about mentoring from all over and it’s creating its own imbalance.”

“Why is that? I asked realizing that the answer to my first question was not forthcoming.

She took a sip from her Venti Starbucks drink, leaned forward and said, “Apparently there are scores of individuals questioning whether or not they have authentic relationships with mentors. 

“Isn’t the process based on an informal connection between two people in which the mentor provides advice, counsel and direction and the other acts in accordance with that information?”

“If it is authentic, then, yes, the person does act accordingly.”

“I never said, authentic,” I replied

She nodded, “I know. I did and with good reason. I think the imbalance that we are sensing is rooted in the ever-expanding realm of inauthentic support.”

“Who is ‘we’, I asked.

“It’s beyond you, just stay with the flow of the conversation.” She paused. “If an individual is lucky enough to be self-aware, there comes a point when they realize that any advancement in life is tied, directly, to some informal assistance provided by someone who has an authentic and genuine interest in helping them to realize their potential.”

“Simply put, we rarely make it anywhere on our own.”

“l would take out, rarely, and insert ‘never’. These collective inquiries seemed concentrated on that fundamental realization and the best approach to filling that information gap.”

In the midst of that flow of information, a thought occurred to me. “Maybe I should ask you, what is your definition of an ‘authentic’ mentoring relationship?”

During that pause, I could see her mind working, as if sorting through a warehouse of informational file cabinets in search of common threads. It was only moments before she responded.

“An authentic mentoring relationship is grounded in a mutual trust in which the needs of an individual are anticipated long before that person knows to ask the question. The mentor suborns their interest to serve the greater needs and interests of the ‘mentee’. There’s on-going guidance in an ever-changing landscape. The mentor has the broader scope of how events are connected, the mentee is shown where those connections exist. It’s an organic process of give and get that weaves itself through so many life areas that it can be hard to comprehend what else is needed, but something else is always needed.”

“Doesn’t there ever come a time when the mentoring relationship has to end because the person has outgrown the need?” I asked

“The only thing that ends is the frequency of contact and the amount of emotional investment. We think of it as ‘stopping to breathe and get some space.”

Having already been chastised by the ‘We’ question, I pressed on. “Is it possible to mentor a monster?”

“That’s the only way they can become monsters! Encouragement, support, unchallenged self-delusion and an undisturbed path into monster land.”

“I wasn’t expecting that answer.”

“False prophets, false leaders, false products, false information, why wouldn’t there be false mentors? Those who exist to serve their greater good by diminishing the greater good in others. I’ve seen more than my share throughout history.”

She stood up, smiled at me and said, “Right now, the need seems greater than the sum of its parts. What’s on your mind is on the minds of many, more than you would know. Converse and/or write. Find the outlet that serves the greatest need, and we’ll start to see more even distribution of these mental inquiries.”

She turned and walked away just as I received a tap on my left shoulder. I turned toward the eager-faced youngster and hey said, ‘Mister, you looked like you were talking to someone.”