Mentoring Doesn’t Happen Only in Coffee Shops

As a college student, I enjoyed regular meetings with my mentor at a coffee shop. Hearing the perspective of someone older and wiser helped me make big decisions about marriage, work, and family. This dedicated time for her to listen, ask questions, and pray for me was a blessing.

But as life moved on, it became harder to schedule regular time for mentoring alongside work, family, and other responsibilities. So I started to look for different ways to pursue mentorship . And I found we don’t have to participate in a formal program or meet with a mentor every week to learn from other believers. Here are three ways mentoring can happen outside a coffee shop.

Mentoring by Example

When my husband and I first started ministering to high school students, we had a lot of questions. Thankfully, we were paired with an older, experienced couple who helped and prayed for us. They didn’t always tell us what to do—they showed us with their attitudes and actions. We didn’t have formal mentoring meetings, but learning from their example was a blessing and encouragement as we navigated ministry.

Similarly, as a young couple, we enjoyed visiting families and learning from their routines. We’d watch them arrange supper, parent children, and entertain guests. I fondly remember going to our friends’ house as they watched a football game and offered warm bowls of chili. As guests arrived and children ran through the house, they still took breaks to engage with their children. We could see their intentionality in parenting and discipleship.

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Nothing was perfect, but observing a godly family practice the rhythms of meals, fellowship, and hospitality was powerful. We realized this wasn’t only a way we could indirectly find mentoring but also a way we could offer it by inviting people into our home.

If you’d like to be mentored in a specific area—parenting, ministry, marriage—look around at godly people in your church and consider what you can learn from their example. And if you want to serve others seeking mentoring , a good place to start is inviting fellow church members into your home .

Technology Together

While meeting with others face-to-face is ideal, it’s not always possible. As I had children, in-person meetings became particularly challenging. I wanted to have deeper conversations, but making time to get out of the house seemed impossible.

In that season, technology was helpful. I read a devotional with my sister-in-law, and we discussed our thoughts via text. She was further along in marriage and motherhood and could provide timely encouragement. Studying a book together made space for me to ask questions and learn from her experience. Even when our lives were hectic, we could send voice messages and learn from each other.

There’s also the possibility of meeting over Zoom, Facetime, and other electronic means. When I was parenting a toddler, nap time provided a precious window to meet with others online. If needed, I could turn off my camera and still engage in conversation. We could be in different time zones or locations, but our desire to grow together in the Lord was still in sync.

Is there someone in your community you could text with? Is there a book study you want to do, but you need accountability? Consider how you might utilize technology if in-person meetings aren’t possible.

Asking Questions

Another way to pursue mentoring is by asking godly women questions , even in a brief conversation. For instance, during coffee time on Sunday mornings, I often catch up with friends. But I’ve realized it’s a great opportunity to chat with an older woman and ask questions about marriage, children, and work. These short conversations have often provided needed encouragement in stressful times.

I remember a time when I was unsure about work opportunities and asked several women how they’d approached work in various seasons. They shared stories of pursuing the Lord for wisdom instead of relying on themselves. Their examples encouraged me to seek the Word’s priorities instead of the world’s. They spurred me toward love and good deeds (Heb. 10:24 ).

Do you need wisdom and counsel on a particular topic? Look around at church this Sunday as you serve in the nursery and chat on the front lawn after the service. There’s probably a godly woman who’d be happy to answer your question.

Many Ways to Find Mentoring

In Titus 2 , Paul gives specific directions for older women to “teach what is good” and “train the young women” in particular aspects of marriage and motherhood (vv. 3–4). But there are many ways and many places to “teach what is good,” including in the home, at church, or even online. Teaching doesn’t have to be in a coffee shop or classroom.

Don’t give up on mentoring because your season or circumstances prevent you from participating in a traditional mentoring relationship. Be creative! The possibilities are endless, but the investment is worth it.

Grace Thomas is a Christ-follower, wife, and mother. She serves at her church, Hillview Bible Chapel in California. You can connect with Grace via her blog , Instagram , or email.