Mentor or Tor-mentor Series Part 4 - Mindset Thinking That May Keep You Mentorless in 2020

“You know, you do need mentors, but in the end, you really just need to believe in yourself.”— Diana Ross

If you've been following this series (check out my last 3 posts), we've been tackling mentorship from a different perspective. If you've been searching for a mentor for years and not found one yet, today's write up is for you. What's been your strategy?

• I want a mentor who’s just like me: It’s great to have some chemistry and similarities with your mentor but don’t fall into the trap where you seek out mentors that are exactly like you e.g. gender, styles, likes and dislikes. The danger in selecting mentors that act exactly the way you’d expect is that you limit your capacity to grow and to challenge yourself out of your comfort zone. When you spend time with someone who may have a different point of view to life, you set yourself up to learn, grow, and evolve in your thinking. In the cartoon movie, Kungfu Panda, Po learns tremendously from his mentor and coach. I remember the part where his mentor was trying to teach him about “inner peace”, strength and focus that comes from being quiet, intentional and paying attention to your spirit. This was a tough one for Po who, judging from his restlessness and impulsive nature. Over time, with enough practice and determination, Po saved the village, and his mentor too, using this same technique. So ask yourself "why am I still mentor less?"
• I want a particular person to mentor me: I’ve heard stories from people who say they stalked a particular person for years in the hope of being mentored by them. In some lucky cases, you get who you want but in many cases, you may end up waiting and hoping for years and still never get that close. The danger in waiting and wishing for a particular person could be that you’re missing out on great people that surround you and the rich relationships you could build instantly. Do a quick check - why are you mentor less?
• I don’t like this person but I know he/she can boost my business: As a young entrepreneur or professional, there’s a temptation to follow the business “gurus” advice and to think that your mentor has to be that popular influencer who’s always making the headlines. This may not always be the case. Finding the right mentor and being authentic in the relationship will help you get the best out of the connection. If you hate someone’s guts and only use them for personal gain, you are cheating yourself out of what could be a genuine, long-lasting relationship. Pay attention to your values and objectives. “Don’t sell your birthright for a morsel of porridge”
• I want a woman / I want a man: Gender stereotypes can prevent you from having a great mentor. Sometimes, the best people that'll change your life come in unattractive and unexpected packages.
• It can't be genuine: Are you the type that withdraws or makes up a story even when a potential mentor shows an interest? The voice in your head is screaming "No, you're not good enough", "you don't deserve this much attention" and you automatically disqualify yourself from a good thing. Recognise the impostor syndrome when it surfaces, silence the critics in your mind, and embrace the attention and wisdom directed at you.

......(to be contd.)

Question: What is the story you've been telling yourself that's preventing you from maximising the volume of potential mentors on LinkedIn? What's your greatest challenge or positive story when it comes to mentoring? Share below.

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Mofoluwaso Ilevbare (fondly called Fofo) is an HR Thought leader, Career Influencer & Worklife Balance Coach, a Women-in-the-Boardroom Advocate, with a healthy appetite for chocolate cake. When she's not working in her 9-5, she spends her time writing, mentoring, speaking, and running her NGO empowering women and girls in Africa. Fofo is reachable at [email protected].

Follow Fofo on Instagram @mofoluwasoilevbare , watch one of her videos for daily inspiration and join one of her mentoring groups on Facebook , Telegram or @thriveinheels (ladies only). Download the MOFOLUWASO app on Google playstore/I-store for inspiration when on the move!