Mentor is not a magic pill: 1 year of mentoring in review

Aleks, Student of International Trade at VSE, and Lukas, Design Thinker at MSD, review their one year of mentoring and share their insights.

By Aleksandra Parshina and Lukas Liebich

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Getting Started

Aleks

I heard about Alumni mentoring from my friends and classmates at university, and every time I mentioned the program during our discussion, I got the same answer: “Apply for it! It is worth trying!” What I was wondering about after being accepted was: “What’s next?”

Do you recognize the feeling of being at the start of a great journey without any clue of how it will go? Has it ever happened to you that you felt inspired and had high expectations of the opportunities ahead of you, BUT you didn’t actually know how to ‘start the engine’? To be honest, this is what I felt during my first days being a mentee. I knew I needed a change and I wanted to take on a new challenge, but I felt overwhelmed by all the opportunities ahead of me. I didn’t have a clear picture of how the program worked and what I was supposed to do. I imagined it as a magic pill that would teleport me towards my goals.

The real help then was my first meeting with Lukas. Being more experienced in mentoring than me, he gave me some hints that helped make a good start.

Lukas

I mentored quite a few people before (mostly in Toastmasters), read a couple of books on the topic and even delivered some workshops, both for Toastmasters and for MSD, the company I work for. I know that some mentors are asking: “Why bother with rules, that would only make the collaboration too formal!” I believe the opposite. When you as a mentor set some basic rules (For example: No distractions during meetings / We keep promises / It's the mentee who drives the meetings), it clarifies the expectations, gives the time you spend together importance and in fact creates freedom around everything that is not captured in the rules (meaning - it is negotiable).

Tip #1: Even when your mentor does not propose it - suggest some basic rules for your interactions. Your mentor will probably appreciate it, because it will show you’re taking it seriously and appreciate their time!

What problems to discuss

Aleks

In the beginning, I was a bit nervous about every meeting we had. I felt like I was taking my mentor’s time by discussing the issues that were probably childish. Sometimes I even omitted some topics because I felt they were a waste of time for Lukas. After almost 2 months of worrying, I decided to talk to him about the issue.

From the beginning, we agreed to share honest feedback about the program, so I thought it would be nice not to break the rule. Lukas was surprisingly happy to hear it. What really helped me was his explanation of why mentoring was beneficial for him and what was his main motivation to participate. Thinking of it now, I wish I had taken this step earlier.

Lukas

I was taken by surprise when I found out that Aleks worried about whether the meetings wouldn’t be waste of time for me. See, I did not sign up for the program to solve problems related to risk assessment in a global pharma supply chain. I’m doing that at work!?I was eager to dive into a world of a university student, and put my skills to use there.

Tip #2: Keep in mind that the fact that you’re solving different problems than your mentor does at work is precisely what makes the time with you interesting.

Giving - and not giving - advice

Aleks

Lukas asked me to set the goals for the program and divide them into short-term (such as fixing my CV and LinkedIn) and long-term (creating a study plan in Data Science).

That was the moment when I started getting the hang of it. But still, the picture was not complete. I still saw my mentor as the pill I would take and make my problems disappear. I thought Lukas would correct my CV, give me concrete answers to my questions, share concrete advice about what to study. But every time I asked for something concrete, I got the same answer: “Why don’t you have a stab at it - and then we talk about what you came up with?”

Lukas

As a mentor, I want to be useful - and what can be more useful than giving answers to questions I know answers to? But getting answers on a silver plate does not facilitate good learning. So in fact, whenever Aleks asked me a question, I had to hold myself not to answer right away - and give her space to come up with her own solution first!

Tip #3: When you come up with a question you’d like to ask your mentor - don’t leave it at that. Try to come up with your best answer. It shows you really care about the issue (it’s not some random question you came up with five minutes before your meeting) and you’ll not only get the answer, but also feedback on your thought process and the proposed solution.

Aleks

And so I did - I was coming up with my own solutions. Why did I need mentoring then? Only at the end of the program, the puzzle of the mentor-and-mentee relationship started to shape something meaningful. I did not need Lukas to answer my questions. I needed him to push me to find the solution.

After sharing my issues, I felt kind of pleasant pressure to find the answer as soon as possible. Having Lukas as a mentor I felt more responsibility. I felt obliged to find solutions to discussed issues, such as a colleague from my student club ignoring my emails in which I asked him to finish the work he promised to do - and was late to deliver.

For sure Lukas commented on my results, we discussed them during our meetings, but the key benefit of all mentoring was starting to take a more proactive approach to solving my issues and actually having the courage to act by myself. Now, one year later, I can say this has become a habit for me - and I can do it even on my own.

Beyond achieving goals

Aleks

It, however, is not just about achieving your goals - it’s also your chance to get into the habit of getting personal with people more experienced than you. Having been in contact with Lukas made me understand that he has his interests outside work that are also worth talking about. Talking about his hobbies, such as Toastmasters or podcasting, helped me learn a lot. Some days ago I was surprised how confident I felt talking to one of my company's managers and asking them about their hobbies.

Lukas

While this might come as a surprise to you - your mentor is a human being (sort of) too. They have their interests, dreams, and even weak spots. While the roles in the mentor-mentee relationship are clearly defined, I see it also as an opportunity to strike up a friendship with someone outside my usual sphere of connections. A friendship that will last long after the formal part of the mentoring program is over.

And while we're at it - you can apply this even outside your mentoring relationship. All the managers, directors and VPs you'll come across as you progress through your career - are people too. If you start with your mentor, you can get into the habit of treating them not like "bosses", but like people, who could possibly become your friends.

So the last, tip #4 for you: Think of your mentor as of someone who can five years later be a great friend of yours.

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True, every mentoring relationship is different. But we hope that an insider look into ours helped you get a better idea - and perhaps even gave you some inspiration.

Good luck, enjoy - and if you have any comments or questions, get in touch or share in comments under this article!

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About Aleks

Aleks is an International Trade Student at VSE, currently in the final semester of her Bachelor degree. She also started working as a Customer Service Specialist at NielsenIQ shortly after finishing the mentoring program. Since 2018 she has been an active member in Students’ Club of Trade and Competitiveness (SKOK).

About Lukas

Lukas is a Design Thinker at MSD, where he facilitates various business workshops. He studied International Trade at the University of Economics between 2003 and 2010. Since 2012 he is active in Toastmasters International, where he often mentors people who want to become more confident communicators and leaders.